Contact contract type thing

5 replies

Hithere123 · 17/04/2015 16:04

Hi all,
Hope everyone is well and enjoying the last few days off school if not gone back already.
Just wondering if any of you have a formal type agreement re child contact with ex and if so in what way.
My ex has messed the children about something terrible in the last two months has not seen them. His partner (all contact goes through her as he wont speak with me) has contacted me and they want to start seeing the children again. I have said they will have to build it up form 2 hour visits as my youngest isn't 1 yet and I don't want it to be too much for him, as well as wanting to make sure that they are taking it seriously and are not just going to jump ship again.

Ex is very unreliable and in the past has been over 2 hours late for collection and dropping the children back off. Seems to treat me like his personal babysitter. so with this in mind I want to start this time as I mean to go on. I'm thinking some sort of contract stating when he is to collect them and drop them off including what I expect of him while they are there (homework on his weekends, bath etc). I know this may seem like I'm being really picky but they once went for 4 days and weren't washed the while time including teeth. I think I literally needs it spelling out for him. I'm also thinking about charging him if he wants me to keep the children on my weekends. Obviously I love my children and love having them but there was a point last year where he didn't have them for 3 of his weekends in a row and just expected me to keep them.
Please let me know if this kind of thing has (or even hasn't) worked for you.

OP posts:

PatriciaHolm · 17/04/2015 16:08

The problem is, what could possibly be the sanctions if he didn't keep to it? It won't be legally binding in any way, and given his previously flakiness do you actually think it would achieve anything? Or that he would pay anything if he didn't turn up?

Even a court can't make a parent see their own child; if you had a court order for him to see them and he didn't, nothing would happen. I'm sorry but there really isn't any way you can use a contract to enforce contact.

NataliaBaker · 17/04/2015 16:14

If he can't even keep them clean when they stay with him, I'd be seeing the lack of contact as a positive thing. Charging him for the times he doesn't take them sounds ridiculous and unenforceable.

Original poster

Hithere123 · 17/04/2015 18:46

I'm with you, lack of contact is the best was, DC1 doesn't agree though. :( I suppose if the agreement is broken the penalty is that he wont see them. He says he does want to so its not a case of trying to make him but making him more consistent with it. I'm only 18 months in and I didn't know it would be so bloody hard!!

OP posts:

Starlightbright1 · 17/04/2015 20:04

There is 2 parts to this in my mind...

If he is unreliable then yes build up contact. I would only build it up to a point they are repetitively well cared for. how old are they as they can start to take some responsibility for themselves..however my 8 year old would not brush his teeth without been told.

I would offer regular contact but if it is missed it is missed. The idea of charging him is pointless. it comes back to the you can't make him see them.. keep a record of any missed contact.

Spotifymuse · 18/04/2015 12:27

Charging for weekends is ridiculous and likely to cause even more tension.

I think you should be able to set out very clear times for pick up and drop off as well as dates for contact.
It sounds as if it's a case of having to pick your battles, so as frustrating as it is that they don't clean their teeth etc
I would focus firstly on the logistics of pick up times etc.
Maybe send the kids with a pack of new toothbrushes ? That might shame Ex and his girlfriend into action?

Flip