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Going away for weekend when dcs with h

5 replies

beginningofnewbeginning · 12/04/2015 19:27

I have recently separated from my h, moved out just over a month ago with dcs (aged 3.5 and 1.5). He has been having them every weekend. Now I feel that this is too much and I am not having enough quality time with them and they have been a little unsettled so we are going to change it to every other weekend. I have consulted lawyers about this and they advised me this is the norm and it is best that I make the contact like this for me to try to get full custody when we divorce- which is very important to me as I live overseas and I want the freedom to leave when I want. When the dcs are with him they are happy and now they are getting pretty settled generally into the new routine and the initial teething problems seem to have improved and everyone seems quite happy (not so much h but even he seems ok).

Now I was thinking of going away for a weekend next month when they will be staying with him. I thought this would not be a problem as they will be with their df and dgps are also nearby but some friends have told me that this is a really bad idea as if anything happened while I was away it could have repercussions when fighting for custody. Would anyone with any experience of this advise me if this could be the case?

OP posts:
Spotifymuse · 13/04/2015 09:02

When you talk about being able to leave when you want, are you referring to occasional trips with the children to visit your home country? Or a permanent move ?
There is no such thing as 'full custody' in UK law. I believe the most up to date terms are residency ( where the children's main home is ) and contact ( the time they spend with the other parent)

I think you need to focus less on winning a perceived 'battle' and if you want to go away for a weekend, go. Make sure your Ex or a close friend has your contact details and take into account arrangements to get back to the children if required.

cestlavielife · 13/04/2015 14:02

it's just child "arrangements". no residence or custody in UK.
anyway if they happy with dad why should you have main/full custody? why not shared and equal legal status? do you mean you want to leave from overseas when you like? why should you be able to take the dc away from dad when you want? not fair on dad....

why would going away for one weekend make any difference to the regular arrangements?

leaving them while they with dad for one weekend or week is not going to make any difference to the longer term or legal arrangements.

if anything happens they will be with dad who is an equal parent. you can come back if it's really serious. leaving children with their own father who cares for them well is not irresponsible.

speak to a lawyer for legal advice.

sanityseeker75 · 14/04/2015 13:51

it is best that I make the contact like this for me to try to get full custody when we divorce- which is very important to me as I live overseas and I want the freedom to leave when I want. He can apply to the courts to stop this regardless of arrangements.

One weekend away is not going to make any difference - in fact you can go away EW he is with them and it will not make any difference - same as he can.

Starlightbright1 · 14/04/2015 18:46

There is a lot of I in this post.

I am also ensure if you are planning to take your child out the country for a break or move away

beginningofnewbeginning · 15/04/2015 19:12

I want to have the option to move away in the future as I don't wish to remain living in his country forever. I am the one who supports my dcs financially and cares for them day to day and he was emotionally abusive and is incapable of providing a decent life for the children. I will probably need to leave for my career anyway and it is possible for me to get full custody where I live and I think I have a good case for this. I know he could stop me but I am trying to do things in a civil way and I will always ensure he continues to see the children so hopefully it will not come to a battle. If it does though I will do everything to get my freedom.

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