I feel like i cant be bothered with a relationship....

[Samantha88]

I think I'm stuck in a vicious circle and I dont know how to change it. I love my bf very much, he's a wonderful man, treats me well, treats my kids well. I cant really fault him. He's kind and caring, responsible, helpful....I could go on and on. But things are going wrong. I feel I've suddenly turned into a spoilt child. I feel constantly on edge and I know I take things out on him, one small thing and I can blow it all out of proportion. We dont live together but we talk every day, quite late on after I've put the kids to bed, cleared up etc. We sort of just fell into that routine and to be honest its not really working for me. I'm constantly tired and feeling quite depressed at the moment. There have been a few incidents where he's not accused me as such, but the insinuation is there if I dont answer the phone for any reason, he thinks i may be seeing someone else. He's quiet and distant and i know he thinks I'm up to something. (There have been things said which I wont go into detail about), but then he'll back down and I know the issue isn't really sorted, he just doesn't want a row. I'm not "up to" anything and it makes me angry and stressed that he thinks that of me. We live quite far away and dont see each other very often but that doesn't mean i'm cheating on him! I've tried to explain this to him but he doesn't seem to believe me and I'm starting to think it's just not worth the hassle, and worth feeling the way I do. This is making me snappy and the more I snap at him, the more I think he wont put up with it for much longer. The more I think that, the more miserable and snappy I become, hence the vicious circle. This relationship is just making me unhappy and I've tried to end it more than once, then changed my mind because apart from this he's a great person. I just feel like I'm walking on eggshells the whole time. I know its not a huge problem right now but from experience I know it will only get worse. My main worry is that my kids can see how generally unhappy I am and it wasn't like this when we were on our own. Maybe I was right to not have a relationship for so long. It certainly seems too much bother?

If it's not working for you, there is no point forcing yourself. If he doesn't trust you when you say you are not up to something, then that's not good either. It is not good for your children to see you upset and so you need to do whatever you can to stop them from seeing that. Have you tried telling him how you feel, maybe writing it in a letter or e-mail to avoid confrotation. It is not fair to you or to him to keep things going if you are not happy. Or have you considered going to a consellor to discuss your feelings and what it is that you aren't comfortable with. You can go to Relate on your one and he doesn't need to know.

personally i would finish it but that's only because i was in a not dissimilar situation and it didn't work out. think you know your gut instinct though

im in a similar situation, we dont live together and sometimes i feel the relationship is just another chore to 'do'after ive been to work, taken care of children, tidied house, laundery etc etc etc.... He complains i never have time for him, which i would if he integrated into our lives a bit more. we are on a months'break'(we too were in a vicious circle) from each other. the month is up next weekend and im not sure i can be bothered to start it up again....i wish you luck, let us know what you decide x

If it's a chore why do it? Talk about it and sort it out. It sounds like you're fed up generally and tired so not treating him well and that won't help either.

would he be willing to help you more in your home, so it would free up some time for you to spend together?

it seems to me that you are using it as an excuse to get out and if that is the case dont waste any more time on the relationship, life is to short, it is a old line but it is so true!!! i know i have learnt a lot from my past, and if i thought i wanted out of a relationship i would just do it.

to be honest i feel like you do, i have been single for 15 months, and most of the time love it, although sometimes love the idea of snuggling up with someone, but i am also scared to get involved with someone as i never want to feel like i did when my ex left me, 15 months ago,

good luck and best wishes whatever you decide