Personality disorder social services involved and ex taking me to court help !!

[Happylittlebee89]

Hiya,

I am currently 35 weeks pregnant I was diagnosed with emotionally unstable personality disorder at 15 and.due to this when I found out I was pregnant social services had to do an assessment on me they completed the initial assessment and decided that they are going to stay involved and make sure Im ok once baby is here he has not been put on child protection or is not classed as a child in need they are just offering support !!
I am now really worried because my ex partner has decided after all this time he wants to see my baby I am not naming him on the bc for personal reasons so obviously we will go to court for a PR and then for access I am massively worried with regards to it going to court and cafcas finding out social services are involved them telling my ex and the judge deciding to give him custody of my son I am so stressed out and upset please can somebody help me !!
All my ex partner keeps saying is he had told his solicitor I am a mental case and things ! Throughout my pregnancy all professionals involved with me have said ive changed my life around and how well Im doing Im so worried though and with only 5 weeks to go I don't need this stress !
Can anyone also advise me how long it will take to go through court and things.

Please help !!

In reality regardless of any mental health issues he will not just be given the lo.

Cafcas will have to be told about ss involvement but I know someone has has severe MH issues but the doctors, family support workers and ss have no concerns of the well being of the children and are happy that her children are happy and well looked after.

re the bc and PR, if it goes to court the likelihood is that he will have name added to bc and will be granted PR. If you are already really stressed can you really be arsed to go through this expense and hassle at a time you do not need it anyway?

Either way he will be likely to gain contact but it is recommended short and regular whilst still a baby.

it takes a long time, please try and remain calm - so you can show you are a calm mother - and wait for baby to be born. your ex can tell solicitor whatever he likes - but what counts is your medical records and what ss think of you...not what he thinks of you.

its whats on record already that counts,not what he says or thinks.

I agree with regards to birth certificate.....you will be looking 'difficult' already if you refuse to put him on it....why wont you anyway?

I don't want him on the birth certificate because he doesn't believe baby is his ! He has put me through hell throughout my full pregnancy I have had threats on social media from his friends his mam has shouted abuse at me told me my son would be taken off me because Im mental and a nutcase and he turned up at scans drunk shouting why are you having a baby nobody wants I don't feel as if he deserves to be named ! This is what Im scared of i starting to be very teary and upset and I am scared people will see this and think my mental health is slipping ! This little baby is my life I was told for two years I couldn't have children and it's the most amazing thing to have happend to me he as put me through hell and played games with me I feel as though he has used my illness to his advantage as I am at my worst mentally when I go through a break up he ended our relationship when I found out I was pregnant yet for the past 8 months has kept me hanging on a string having me stay round his house and filling me full of lies and false promises he has now met a new girlfriend and turned on me completely he rang my mother last night shouting and screaming down the phone at her that I am unfit to be a mother because of my mental health and fhat him and his new partner are going to take my son Im so scared ??

You need to keep a diary of events from now. He'll trip up in front of judges/ss at some point

Keep calm and let his true colours show. But keep away, don't go to his house etc

I agree with Miles! Keep everything - screenshots,phone calls and messages. You can show these to social services or your
Solicitor if need be. Stay calm as there is absoloutley nothing he can do until he demands a DNA test and it comes back positive. You seem like you are doing really well for yourself - keep it up, enjoy your pregnancy and block him on everything! As they say ignorance is bliss!

please dont engage with him or respond to any messages or texts - have a solicitor to respond if its needed. but until baby is born, you dont need to do anything.

you and your family etc need to be ready to not answer or put phone down on him.

any abusive or harrassing texts etc just report to police or solicitor.

You've posted about him before, haven't you? Asking you to go to mediation? (apologies if it is mistaken identity).

I think at this point you have to let go of the idea that he thinks the baby isn't his. Obviously it is a high conflict situation and for your own sake, and the baby's, you need to be minimising stressful thoughts and thinking calmly about a way forward.

It isn't possible for him to take you to court or start proceedings until after the baby is born. You need to make sure he has had a clear message that he is not to communicate with you (or family members) and that you will consider it harassment and take appropriate action if he continues.

If you know he will take you to court (and I don't think crushed is right, I don't think he has to have a DNA test to apply to court) it would be sensible to try to avoid that; telling him you will let him know when the baby is born, offering to put him on the certificate are both things that he can get anyway, but the offer may serve to diffuse some of the massive amounts of conflict. You can show the court you have been reasonable and mature and he will look more unreasonable.

I don't think you need to worry at all about your MH issues (in terms of having the baby taken away, obviously it must be a very difficult, anxious time and I'm sure it is having an impact) - you've managed the condition for years, you have family support. Don't get drawn in to the drama, keep yourself as distanced as you can from him and try to enjoy the rest of your pregnancy.

I agree with regards to birth certificate.....you will be looking 'difficult' already if you refuse to put him on it....why wont you anyway?

No she won't. It's her legal right as an unmarried mother. Nothing at all will be inferred by her making that choice (providing no court orders exist)

And you may wish to disclose his behaviour to your social worker and act on their advice it will help you challenge any claim he makes about you.

Working with them and being honest is essential.

I am scared to tell the social worker because when they first got involved in January I was speaking to him fine but my main mental health issues are around a break up I have taken overdoes and things and I did not want them to think he could be effecting my mental health so I lied and and said Id had no contact with him which Im worried now will reflect badly on me ! I was so scared when they got involved that I thought if I kept him on side with me he wouldn't do what he is now doing !
With regards to the birth certificate I don't want him on it because of all
The lies he has spread about him not been my babies dad he has really lied about things and I don't feel he should be named on it until he has his dna test done !
Im seriously so scared this should be a happy time and I panic everytime my phone rings incase it's social services because he has rang them or every time the post comes i panic it's from his solicitor ! I have been staying at my mams house now since Sunday ! Im 2 scared to go out on my own incase i Bump into him and his new gf this is such an awful situation to be in I am so excited to meet my little boy but at the same time he's ruining the whole experience !

I mean I have taken overdoses in the past due to relationship break ups none in the past 2 years though ! X

Why a dna test? You know he's the dad

He wants a dna test ! I feel that if he doesn't believe my sons is his he doesn't deserve to be named on the birth certificate ! This is also someone that told me to terminate my pregnancy and he would take me away on holiday and that he has no love for this child and that the baby has ruined his life I feel like I don't want his name on there also it means he can take my son out of the country for 28 days at a time and things which scares me ! I would rather him not be named !

My solicitor also advised me not to name him on the birth certificate !!

Hello Happy,

Just want to tell you that my friend has severe mental health issues and lots of social services involvement. They have never wanted to remove her children though as with support she copes well. Do you have support around you? My friend has a personality disorder too.

All social services will want to know is that you can safely care for your baby and get help if you need it. They might also suggest some courses/assessments for you.

My friend has a baby if a year and she has a mental health support worker who is excellent, she also has good support from her health visitor who has visited every six weeks (more in the early days) to see how things are.

If you have had some contact with the father of the baby it would be worth just saying to social services that he has been in touch and is asking about contact. Share any concerns you have about that but make sure you also acknowledge your baby's right to get to know it's Dad as they will want to hear that you are considering what the baby might want. If you have concerns then ask about supervised contact as that shows you are acknowledging your baby needs to now his Dad but that you want to k kW your baby is safe too.

You are not "a mental case" and if professionals think you have turned your life around the.pn your ex will struggle to prove the allegations and is going to look very foolish.

Hello grateful

I have massive support around me and all my professionals involved have said how much I have changed and improved ! So much so that I now only have to call my support worker If I feel the need to ! I have seen a psychiatric nurse from perinatal also who obviously deal with pregnant ladies and they are happy with me and have said that I don't need to see them again until after ive had my baby !
Im so scared of social services I know you here horror stories and I know I shouldn't have lied I just felt at the time they were out to get me ! At my appointments I have spoken about the baby's dad and I have said that if he does take me to court for access then I am happy to go down that route because I would like something very stable and firm in place ! Im just so scared of everything at the minute !
I never in my wildest dreams thought u could have a baby because of my previous eating disorder so this little baby means more to me than anything I just want to protect him !

That's sounds fantastic Happy, if this baby is a happy surprise that's brilliant. You sound like you are going to be a lovely Mum, trust me that is all a court/CAFCASS will see. they won't give your ex custody of your son and will go on the basis that most babies are best off with their Mum. Social services haven't even classed your baby as a Child in Need, they are not concerned.

Just to further reinforce what your Solisitor advised. If he genuinely believes he is not the father and he does put his name on the BC he is actually committing an offence and it is not something you can do without his consent or physical presence

I really would urge you to be honest with your SW seriously you won't be the first person who has lied to them and it really is not such a big deal,they really can help you