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Lone parents

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Original poster

Young and desperately unhappy.

5 replies

JM234 · 29/03/2015 22:10

Hello all,
I am 24 years old, I have a son of 3, SD almost 12 and partner 35. I am in an incredibly unhappy relationship and I am scared. Scared of being a single parent and scared of being on my own. The biggest problem for me has been my low self esteem...a few years ago my dad went to prison and I came out of an abusive relationship as a young teen...I went traveling and ran away from all of my problems, which is why being in a relationship became so hard. I met my partner and felt so in love, but scared I felt so insecure. But he didn't help me, as started to become abusive and say horrible things to me all the time and now that I look back I realise that my self doubt let me put up with that. Now he has stopped being aggressive and my SD has become angry and aggressive. She screams my house down and pushes, has even raised her hand to me. Today I decided to punish her for her awful behavior by telling her that she had to go to her room at 6.30 to do homework and tidy up after her shouting all of the night before, but my partner told me that I had no right to deal with it myself and didn't support me at all. I am there for his daughter and I try to help but he doesn't support me, we have been together for 5.5 years but he still doesn't think I had the right to say that. Everything is building up on top of me. I am scared of leaving, but he isn't changing. I constantly feel isolated in my own home. I don't know what I've done with my life...:(

OP posts:
BlackeyedSusan · 29/03/2015 23:12

darling, it is much better to be on your own than deal with an abusive relationship. start your exit plan, get help from women's aid. you have so much of your life ahead of you and there is plenty of time to live on your own and enjoy life again. yes it is scary to contemplate, but start taking it a few steps at a time.

meglet · 29/03/2015 23:17

please don't dwell on what you've done with your life, it's been a bumpy few years but you can take steps to make it better. You have got decades ahead of you and can take control from now on.

speak to women's aid, also maybe citizens advice and iirc there's another organisation called 'rights of women', I think they can have with legal stuff.

RedRugNoniMouldiesEtc · 30/03/2015 00:01

Being a single parent is scary. I bumped around from bad situation to worse because of the fear (first dc at 17). All I can say is that the reality versus being in a bad relationship is nothing short of liberating. Don't get me wrong, it takes time, there is the slog at the beginning. Worrying about money, worrying that you've "damaged" your child, worrying you'll be alone forever and the multitude of other things you are probably already thinking. It's particularly daunting if you have not yet spent much time alone.

Honestly though, that all passes. Being able to live your life without treading eggshells, apologising for who you are, being put down is such a wonderful gift to give yourself and your child.

If you are not ready yet at least start making an exit plan for when you are. Money, documents, place to go. Just be prepared. That alone can make a massive difference to your confidence.

Original poster
JM234 · 30/03/2015 11:18

Thank you RedRugNoniMouldiesEtc, that's very good advice. The hard thing now is that he wants to make up for all of the things he has done and make it work. But he has made it so difficult being in a relationship with him, I feel so angry about what he did to me, and betrayed. I feel like if I forgive him then that is a lack of my self-respect. This is hard because I love him. But he has made it difficult between me and his daughter too by not cooperating with me and disrespecting my views. I am going to organise things so if I want to leave I know I have an easier option. I would like us to work but we have been saying the same thing for so long now, and nothing changes. I feel a strong urge to get out at least every week, but it's never straight forward - always confusing. I feel like if I want to go I need to be SURE. Not just in the heat of an argument. He knows how I feel and wants to make it better but deep down I feel like I will NEVER forgive him :(

OP posts:
Original poster
JM234 · 30/03/2015 11:19

I just find the idea of letting go so hard.

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