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Lone parents

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Original poster

disappointed child

3 replies

kikki · 29/10/2006 21:02

I gave my estranged husband a leaflet about a martial arts show - Kung Fu Masters that was on in London. I suggested that we take our son. He had the brochure for 3 weeks and today was the last day for the show. He told me on Thursday that we would be going at the weekend. On Saturday he told my son he couldn't get a ticket but they may have some on Sunday. I have not heard from him all day. My son is very disappointed and really wanted to see his Daddy if nothing else. This is not the first time he has done this to our son and I warned him the last time not to let him down. He only thinks about himself and I was only trying to play happy families for a day to make our son happy.
SHOULD I CUT HIM OFF COMPLETELY? I don't want my son to grow up waiting for his Daddy to come over or phone. Also, in a normal world I would phone him but I have been shouted at so much and told in no uncertain terms not to call or bother him that I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of no answering the phone or not calling back.

OP posts:
madamez · 29/10/2006 21:25

This is a rotten situation for you both. Hard as it is, try not to give in to the temptation of cutting your x out of your lives: some contact is better than none as far as your son is concerned. Is there anyone who could talk to your ex and maybe get him to be a bit more thoughtful? Do the rest of his family (grandparents etc) have or want contact? IF you can stay in touch with them, not only is it nice for your son to have extra relatives but your ex may be more inclined to behave well if he's got his mother nagging him to do so...
Best of luck.

ellesbells · 29/10/2006 21:37

hi kiki, dont have much experience of this kind of thing, just wanted to show support! so here goes:
WHAT A NASTY HORRIBLE DADDY!!!

i feel for you and your DS. perhaps you should remind dear daddy (very sweetly of course) that it may well come back to haunt him one day!! x

maggiesmama · 29/10/2006 21:43

hi. i am in a pretty similar position. and i'm afriad i dont agree that some contact is better than none. obviously, every sit differs. but i feel strongly that irregular support - particulalry when the child experiences being let down often - is incredibly damaging. in my case, i have said that if my ex cant at least phone once every other two weeks, i shant let him talk to my dd. we havent even progressed to seeing her. i just think that each tiime the dad (or, potentially mum) swoops into their life they get the crazy excitement, followed by the horrible crashing low. and each time they are let down, the child has to go through the feelings of rejection and so on.

i'm not naking any suggestions for you - but i wonder if the reguklar or nothing option might kick your ex into action

one other note - in the other experience i have of this situation - my ex's older daughter, actually - his absence from her life, and rejection of playing any part ion her life, ultiimately made it easier for her to bond with her mothers new partner. he is her dad now, really, and he is amazing. just a thought.

good luck

and - good for you for doing it alone, and bearing the brunt of it all, including your sons hurt and so on. takes guts, i think.

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