Hi Heffalumps
I am not entirely in your situation, because I do have family nearby and ds (16 now) does have cousins who he sees from time to time. We are always on our own for holidays and most celebrations (even Christmas) it is just the two of us. I have bent over backwards for ds to have a relationship with his cousins but it was not recipropcated until I stopped doing that. There was a period of a couple of years that my sister and I didn't speak at all and if ds did see his cousins/aunt I didn't go with him.
Until recently my parents spent half the year abroad. And the half they did spend here they were often away on holiday for anyhow.
Ds's dad has had no contact with him since before he was born. He lives abroad as do his parents. His parents have always written and send ds gifts for birthday and christmas, but he has never met them.
So while ds does have family, we are not a close family by any means. I gave up asking or expecting help because none was forthcoming. Even when I was ill and once even incapacitated and unable to drive, work or do much in the way of cooking and chores, no-one was there to help me take care of ds.
I've even put off making a will for years because I had no idea who ds should/would go live with if anything happened to me; there was no obvious or logical choice for his guardian...
So on some level I think I understand how it is in your situation.
How have I managed? Sink or swim is how I describe it. Knowing there is no-one to call on for help or support, that 'family' is just the two of us (my sister once told me she didn't regard me and ds as part of her family, only her dh and her kids - which was the tipping point really to me not talking to her. This was after she said ds could go to the zoo with her kids for one of their birthdays. I told ds and he was excited. But she then announced her child had apparently said they just wanted family to go so ds wasn't invited any more). We get on better now, but our relationship will never be the same again. Nowadays I never tell ds about any plans like this until the last second.
I don't have any friends I could consider calling on for help either, it's not easy to make friends when you work and are on a very low income that there is no money for a social life. People don't appreciated that a 3 cup of coffee is the equivalent of a whole day's food budget for both ds and myself). Our food budget is slightly more these days fortunately but I still remember those tough times and how grateful I was to get a food parcel at christmas.
I've worked since ds was 5. But I've never had time or money/babysitters to be able to socialise with work colleagues, and they don't undertand my situation as most don't have children. Even had to turn down going to works do's because I couldn't afford the petrol there and back, let alone a babysitter. And taken time off work unpaid because I didn't have enough money to put petrol in the car.
My situation is better now. I do currently have enough to put 30 in my purse each month for me now and manage to save a small amount each month for emergencies. So have been able to start socialising on occassion. But am fully aware this will all grind to a halt soon when ds leaves eductation and I no longer received tax credits. Will cross that bridge when it comes to it.
Anyhow, yes I have felt very much alone over the years. Have had to kick myself up the backside too when feeling down and lonely. Not always easy to do and there was a period when I split from my ex (not ds's dad) when I could barely function for a couple of years and everything was on auto pilot.
It's taken me having breast cancer for my family to step up and start helping and talking to me. Mind you, there was a flurry of offers of help at first, but that has tailed off somewhat now. Assuming I survive this I know it will quickly revert to how it was before. And if I don't, ds is almost old enough to be able to manage on his own (age wise if not emotionally).
About 4 years ago I found a hobby that I can do on my own and/or with ds, doesn't cost much money to be involved with, and has lots of opportunities to socialise. I can dip in and out as much as I want and afford. It has brought some new friends into my life. Some of these friends have offered me help I wasn't expecting in my current situation. I still find it difficult to ask and accept help because I'm so used to having to do it all alone.
Anyhow I have waffled on for way too long here.
But you are definitely not alone. It is difficult, challenging and often very lonely. I found help and support here on the lone parents board when I needed it and I hope you do the same. Cherish your friendships too. You never known when you may need help and having someone you know you can call on is a huge relief.