8 year old's violence reached dangerous levels

[cauliflowerfairy]

I'm really struggling with my son, he has aspergers but high functioning, he just came in the livinroom while I was sitting quietly reading and lobbed a big metal bar at my head with no warning at all it really hurt and I feel furious and helpless, was really hard not to completely lose it but instead just started crying like an idiot what am I meant to do??? Thank god my toddler isn't in the house... How is it normal to react in this situation???

it fucking hurts and it makes me cry too.

ds loses his favourite thing when he is violent.

what triggered it? hunger, thirst? noise?

I feel your pain OP. I made the mistake of turning my back during a shitfit once and he punched me in just the right place on my spine. I couldn't walk the next day. More recently he hit his step dad hard while he was driving with a plastic toy. I smashed the toy up in front of him and luckily it's stuck for now.

What freaks me out is these 8 yr old are strong now. What will it be like when they're bigger stronger teenagers?

Has he got his educational health care plan sorted? Replaces the old statement apparently (we're fighting the school for my son's so sod em I'm putting one in myself) sees them through support wise until they're 25 rather than 16.

More importantly how is your head?

Hey both thanks for your warm responses, sorry for some reason the "I'm on" thing said I had none!

I'm sorry to hear you have the same battles but good to feel I'm not alone in a way. He was hungry after school and dinner was in the oven, it could have been that, he had a melt down at school just before home time too. It just scared the hell out of me as usually I get warning. Got a massive bruise on my head but luckily just under the hair line so not visible.

I just don't know how people don't lose it I was so scared upset and angry and I'm stressed anyway, it's hard to stay calm and rational,partly cos I want him to understand how serious that kind of behaviour is you know?? In 8 years he could be locked up for that kind of thing as gamerchick says or do serious damage. He has already experimented with wielding a knife. The school are doing a CAF to support him so that wil help a lot, have no support at present .... It's a waiting game....

Just read a thing on daily fail website about violent kids, the comments made me cry they were like"tidy up.n show Hin some love and maybe he will quit acting up" ......yeah

dinner in the oven is not soon enough for ds. he gets fed as soon as he is in the front door. if he is hyperactive after school, then he is sent to run up and down the school field a coupl e of times and fed, if necessary in the playground. (banana, hotcross, emergency biscuits kept in the car. )

Yep, spoon in gob straight after school. If his meal is going to be a while I give him a bowl of ready break or something to keep him going. A hungry kid is hard work anyway.

Who is helping you in the professional field? Surely you haven't been abandoned after diagnosis?

abandoned after diagnosis... welll yeah

I feel your pain - literally! DS is 11 and has dyspraxia. We are waiting on an asd assessment but they are breaching the waiting lists and we will have been waiting a year by the time we get an appointment.

He gets violent when things go wrong or he's not coping. He has been awfil lately as we moved house and he has sats coming up. He told me this morning he either wants to die or break some bones so he doesn't have to go to school.
I am an lp and dealing with it alone I so soul destroying. The neighbours complain about the noise as they want Iit to be silent after 9 (the walls are paper thin) and my darling dd cries because she sees me getting hurt.
I have no advice to give at all as I feel like a total failure. But I totally agree that you must never read comments by people who know fuck all about it. Let them come and walk in my shoes and see how easy they find it.

can you get other agencies involved to help/provide funding etc?

sure start, getset centres, family focus (not sure if thats nationwide) PFSA's at school.........

Weve just been referred to family focus by the getset centre and they can work with the whole family for up to a year. Ive only just started with them but from what ive heard already they can try and get funding for respite, work with siblings too to improve relationships and be a source of support.

After watching "my violent child" on channel 5 last week im personally looking again at equine assisted therapy, it showed some really good results, ive googled and found a local place that does it so I will be passing the info onto my family fous mentor to try and secure funding for it.

its not easy, I agree about the size/strength, always been a problem for me too as ds is sooo much bigger than his peers, at 10 he is over 8 stone and almost taller than me.

Oh my word thanks for all your replies, they have made me cry for a different reason, solidarity! Damn pmt.....

Black eyed Susan& Gamerchick - spot on, it's over a mile long walk home I will make 100% sure always to have a snack on hand fron now on. Usually he eats his lunch on way home as he refuses to eat at school:-\ we weren't quite abandoned, just moved to a new local authority after diagnosis and there was zero communication!!

Hollie - oh my god.... Snap! I've had neighbours complain constantly since we moved in about the noise the kids make , if they don't like it why didn't they move somewhere kids were banned, it's like hell feel so trapped. I guess we can just be glad it will get better as they get older, maybe. Can't believe how long you're having to wait. Please don't feel like a failure, I really really do know the feeling but you are coping admirably by the sounds of it.

Smellyfishead - thanks for all the advice! I really have zero energy to sort things out (BAD I know) am going to mention all those things at the caf n see iglf they can chase them up. I'm the walking dead right now. It's a total catch22, my energy all goes on trying to keep my son happy calm stable n keep a smile on my face for both kids, but this FEHA thing at school will gather agencies together n give me an action plan cos I'm too pathetic to do it myself, I used to be good at stuff full of energy! NOT any more haha !

Don't beat yourself up for not having the energy. It is so exhausting dealing with this kind of behaviour all the time and even if they are behaving well you are on tenterhooks in case they flare up again. My ds had a good week a few weeks ago and then they were at their dad's for 2 nights. By the end of it I felt like I could move mountains. Then I realised this is how a lot of other parents feel all the time.
I also have to take drinks and snacksfor after school as ootherwise the drive home is treacherous!
Lol about your neighbours. Mine want us to be silent upstairs after 9pm or quiet with no noise which is nearly the same thing but ds rarely sleeps before 9.30 - 10.00 and as I can't afford carpets you can hear every footfall. But the more I ask ds to be quiet the more stressed he gets, the more noisy he gets. Tis a vicious circle.