Can I change access days?

[Ijustworemytrenchcoat]

I don't have a formal agreement in place, but just went along with what my ex asked for through his solicitor (2 nights on the weekend one week, two nights midweek the next week). I haven't had any legal advice of my own, but am aware this probably isn't wise.

At the moment my mum is looking after our child while I work part time but I am becoming increasingly anxious at the toll this is having on her health. She suffers from a condition causing neck and back pain which is uncomfortable for her but more worrying she seems to be getting very bad colds leading to chest infections and trouble shaking them off which she has never had before.

The situation is really upsetting me. I want to look into the possibility of childcare vouchers to use on a Childminder, but am unsure my ex will agree. One of the weekdays he has our child every other week is a working day for me so at the moment one week he has our child the next my mum does. Obviously I can't use childcare vouchers that way as I will not be able to claim for days I don't use, and the Childminder can't be expected to miss out on pay every other week.

If I could get my ex to push the midweek contact forward one day this won't be an issue. I feel like he dictated days to me and I said yes and now it have no comeback.

Sorry this is so long.

Your poor mum! You must be very worried. I would get all the info you need together before you speak to your ex. See if the childminder will do alternate days (mine does, so long as they are regular, and the vouchers pay monthly so no problem there). If there is no alternative, could you suggest discussing it at mediation? What is the ex like generally? Will he be difficult for the sake of it?

You shouldn't have any problems changing your days as long as ex agrees and even if he doesn't you can send a letter detailing to his solicitor why the new arrangements will benefit your DC.

We have a court drawn up Contact order but the days on this moved within 6months to fit with exes work schedule - didn't make any difference to me as I wasn't working at the time. Once DD was at nursery and I started working I couldn't rely on him not to change his mind and leave me in the lurch with childcare so he had the option to pick her up in the morning and take her and pick her up afterwards if he wanted on his days. Invariably he only picked her up afterwards.

I think I do need to get all the I go together regarding vouchers and whether the Childminder I would like has some availability. My manager also mentioned I could possibly change days at work to accommodate childcare so hopefully he will stick it that.

My ex won't be difficult for the sake of it I don't think but we are going through a rocky patch at the moment.

My mum is not the type to say it is too much for her, but I know that it is and I am worried sick.