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Original poster

DD "I just want to be normal..."

9 replies

itchychin · 15/02/2015 21:32

6 year old DD was crying today because she wants to be 'normal' and have a Mum & Dad together. She has a new half sister (her Dad's baby) so I'm assuming this is where this has come from. Not really been like this before. (although it could be she really wants a pet and can't have one with me as we live in a rented flat!). Any wise words? Am sure lots of you have had similar. :(

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MisForMumNotMaid · 15/02/2015 21:42

If its one day of tears then cuddles and reassurance followed by a good nights sleep goes a long way.

Grass is greener syndrome we surely all suffer from whether 6 or 60. Maybe you could find a few standard response, positives that are special to your set up that make you a special family. Things like we're really lucky that we don't have to queue for 10 people to get in the bathroom first in the morning, or have own bedrooms, or space to spread out on the sofa, always got each other for cuddles.

Original poster
itchychin · 15/02/2015 21:55

I try to do the grass is greener thing. There are quite a few other children in her class with separated parents so she's not the only one but none of her close friends. She has been crying a bit about missing her Daddy the last couple of weeks so she's been face timing him every night before bed. The 'normal' thing is just so emotive though! (and I worry she would rather live with her Dad and his new family rather than me... shamefully). :(

I like the queuing for the bathroom thing though, and the cuddles. Thank you.

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Koalafications · 15/02/2015 22:02

I felt a bit like this at school. All my friends came from what appeared to be perfect 2.4 children families. My mum and dad had split up when I was 4 so I didn't really remember them being together.

I haven't got any helpful advice, sorry. I just know that it didn't bother me as much when I got to secondary school as there were loads of children from single parent families.

I don't think that having a mum and dad is 'normal' anymore but I know that will be little consolation to your DD.

Starlightbright1 · 15/02/2015 23:26

I do that DS is very lucky...He has a mum who loves him soo much and not all children who live in a family with 2 parents love their children combined as much as I love him. He also went through a phase he wanted a sister...He even asked Santa for one...He now is happy it is just us 2 and doesn't want to share me

cestlavielife · 16/02/2015 11:20

is she old enough to watch my life on cbbc? show her lot s of kids have many different life experiences and families . some kids have disabilities to contend with or sick parents, some have two mums or two dads,,,everything is 'normal'.

tell her its ok to feel a bit sad but actually she is very lucky, mum and dad who love her a new baby sister, two houses etc

if she talks about living with dad full time just say its not an option right now the adults have decided she lives in both house. when she is older she can choose eg at 16.

SunnyBaudelaire · 16/02/2015 11:23

it must be so hard for her, feeling that her dad's new baby has taken her place. the poor little girl, give her a big hug and repeat til fade.

DancingCrown · 16/02/2015 22:07

Yes I think its been triggered by the birth of the baby. Agree with the others, keep listening to her and keep reassuring her.

Library will have lots of books about different types of families - separated parents, same sex couples, adopted children etc. Mention families you know who live with granny and so on. Of course she (and you!) want a perfect family, lovely house, brilliant pets but no-one can have it all.

Original poster
itchychin · 16/02/2015 22:33

Thank you all. It turns out it might have been slightly lost in translation (via DM) as she wanted 'everything to be normal' and she was staying with her grandparents so was more about not reading her chapter book! She def. is feeling unsettled about the new baby though. Am going to search for some relevant books so she can see it's not that unusual. Thanks again.

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Wotsitsareafterme · 17/02/2015 08:42

Could you get some fish or something? Or a hamster or some reasonable v small pet? I think landlords just object to pets who cause damage. Might do her good to have something to nurture and focus on if you can.

It's funny coming from divorced parents when I was a kid didn't bother me much but it does now I'm an adult. I only have dm and how much she an help me is quite limited it's hard

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