Big move as a single parent - advice?

[justimmy]

I am planning on moving my family from Devon to London, and I was looking for some advice from people who might have been in my shoes.

I have two boys, aged 4 and 7. The move will obviously be a big upheaval for them; they will be leaving everything they know and obviously it will mean their contact with their dad may decrease (they will probably end up seeing him for more days on average, but at the moment the stay with him every other weekend).

Aside from the obvious stresses about what kind of merry hell my ex will cause, etc etc, I am wondering when the best time to tell the kids would be. I don't want them worrying about it for longer than necessary, but I don't want to spring it on them out of nowhere and whisk them away without giving them a chance to realise what's going on. My oldest son is a worrier so I don't want him fretting for too long. I am thinking that maybe a month might be a good time frame, but as I have never done this before I just don't know what would be for the best.

I'm not looking for advice on whether what we are doing is the right thing or not. I have thought carefully about this for a very long time and weighed up the pros and cons. I'm just keen to hear from people who have done this, particularly single parents but anybody really. What did you do that you would do differently now? Are there any decisions you regret? Any general nuggets of wisdom or advice for me?

Thank you very much!

tell them when you tell your ex as he will mention it to them.

london is very expensive for cost of living.... hope you prepared for that. and it takes a long time to get anywhere. transport is easy and available but it takes a while eg if you need to cross london for work.

Yep, as I said I am fully prepared for the implications of the move and it's something I have been researching heavily and thinking about for a long time.

Thanks, yes I would definitely tell them all at the same time.

Have you thought about how contact with their dad will work?
Are you going to take them half way to Devon every other weekend and then pick them up half way again?
Have you factored in the additional travel costs? For both of you.
Or that your ex may try and stop you moving?

You need to speak to their dad about this sooner rather than later and work out contact arrangements together. Then you can both talk to the boys about it and reassure them that they will still see lots of their dad.

I'm sure your ex will be upset and possibly angry. Your boys may well also be upset about moving so far from their dad. Have you factored all that in to your decision?

Yes, as I have already said - for te third time now - I have thought about all of the implications of the move including contact and how I will facilitate it, and the difficulties faced. Thank you.

Yes I'm incluned to agree that the sooner the better. My ex has actually known for over a year that I plan to move to london at some point. Perhaps it will be best to tell him sooner rather than later. Yes I am aware that he may try to stop me but I have sought legal advice and because my reasons are genuine and for the good of our family, and because I have solid plans in place of how I will facilitate contact on my side, there isn't really much he can do.

Sooner rather than later - as soon as possible so they can get used to the idea and get over the initial shock long enough to be excited by the time move day comes around.

Thank you, yes I think you're on to something there :)

Does your Dcs father have a court ordered contact or is it just agreed between you ?

Accept all the help you can when it comes to being a single parent!!