5 year old claiming Daddy doesn't love or care about him - my ex is a dick - advice please

[wonderstuff99]

Son made above remark in the car this evening after he had been singing a song about mummy's being great and daddy's being rubbish and I commented that they weren't always like that and his dad did love him. But that he just couldn't be a very good dad at the moment.

Basically DS doesn't have any kind of a relationship with his father, hasn't for the past 7-8 months after our relationship imploded and he moved away. Moved back after a few months, now resides 30 min walk away, never calls to see how he is/show any interest unless I initiate it, assaulted both of us on New Years Day, am pretty sure is smoking weed - basically he's just a crap, crap dad and perso

It broke my heart that he is that cynical and aware of his father's ineptitude at 5. On the whole, he never mentions him/asks to see him. Again, it was me suggesting he see's his daddy. But that's stopped since the assault in Jan. I am mostly secure in me, friends and family giving DS the security, love and attention he needs, but every now and then, I get a glimpse into what could be if he really does grow up believing/knowing his dad just doesn't give a shit enough about him to sort himself out.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Is there any advice that anyone can offer? xxx

Some similarities in our story...My DS was 3 last time he saw his Dad...Due to safety issues my DS was never allowed to have my DS unsupervised since he was weeks old. We didn't leave till he was nearly one....

Contact was once a fortnight for a few hours stopped a few times ...I was the one who wanted a Dad but eventually it stopped.

My DS never took much notice till he was 4/5 and in recpetion..I beleive part of this was all the Dad;s on the playground...Also Biff and chip and there perfect family... We have had issues re occurring...

I never lied to my DS... I told him I couldn't speak for his Dad...I can only tell him how I feel. Everything I have told my DS has been the truth and go more detailed as he has got older.

He reached the point where he was going round saying his Daddy didn't care about him ...It was more a statement of fact from him that an emotional outpouring.

in year 2 a teacher read a story about Dads... it finished with how this boys Daddy loved him...My DS announced to the class he didn't know if his Daddy loved him.

We had a chat with teacher after school... She told him what I had told him many times..That is was nothing he had done , he was only a baby. ( son thinks he was a baby last time he saw him and I don't see any reason to pick at he was a toddler) This seems to have seemed to settle him...I think hearing from someone removed seems to have helped.

I tell my DS he can ask me any questions he wants as he has virtually no memories and I will always answer honestly although there may be things I consider him to young to understand so will answer at a level I think it right for him.

I also will tell him I don't understand why his Dad doesn't see him as I love spending time with him.

Your ds appears to be correct his dad does not love him ..he assaults him.
He may well grow up knowing the truth his dad is useless.
Don't tell him his dad loves him how confusing is that ? Loving someone is s assaulting them and ignoring them ...

Tell him you cannot speak for dad but you love him. His uncle or other relatives loves him. All the other people who know and love him.

His dad did give you something very special ie ds. Some people manage many good things. Some manage not so many but that makes ds extra Special .

You can't predict the future either don't give false hope.
Focus on surrounding you and ds with positive people.

My ex is also a dick... My dd's are older (11yo and 9yo) no physical abuse and he sees them EOW in order that I can work EOW.

At the end of last year my eldest asked whether he loves her. Because he never calls or takes a genuine interest in her life. Even though it broke my heart, I thought it better that she figured out what he was like as she grew up, rather than have any illusions shattered at a later date. I think you mustn't shelter them from the truth of a crap dad.

Crap Dad now has a girlfriend, which has given him an audience and this has motivated him to enacting a new 'loving and caring dad' persona. This has made dd1 more settled and feel more secure.

He still refuses to make dd1 a packed lunch for school though, and has stopped even thinking about what school hols might be coming up (too busy what with new girlfriend and all). Showers the girls with gifts nowadays as part of the new 'loving and caring dad' act but can't be bothered to buy them a bed, or PJ's or a toothbrush. He could t give a toss about school plays or parernts evening. No interest in their interests or clubs. He lives 5 mins up the road, something he claimed to do 'so he would be near the children'

It is hard. But there is no hiding the truth. It will make more sense to your ds if you are honest.