DS wants to see his dad again

[ScrambledEggAndToast]

Before I start this post properly, let me say that is have never stopped DS from seeing his dad. It is his dad who often doesn't turn up for collections/doesn't arrange them in the first place and most recently, hasn't spoken to DS in 3 months!

Anyway, I cam back from work to find DS (11) Skyping my ex. My son had made the contact btw. I listened in and could hear my ex saying "make sure you find out from mum when you can come down" etc.

It turns out now that my son does want to go. The trouble is, it's a cycle. He goes once, has a terrible time and his behaviour drops at home and school. His dad doesn't contact him for ages and DS says he doesn't want to see him again. This pattern seems to repeat about every three months.

Just wish my ex would crawl under a rock and stay there!

In my house I call this the "Magic roundabout".

In his absence DS misses a dad and sometimes misses his dad. DS makes contact, grovels and apologises, returns to contact. contact happens, once, twice maybe more, ex's behaviour is appalling, DS can't put up with it, stops contact., feels happy, relaxed, continues as is then misses dad....and...round we go again.

In our case Ex is manipulative and abusive.
Oldest child will not go to contact at all (has stepped off the magic roundabout)
DS (11) is on the Magic Roundabout
2 younger sibs have to go as have no say but show signs of recognising the poor behaviour and manipulation and will probably get to it when they reach high school age.

All you can do is support your son and be there for him. Talk it through and support him but in the end I think they have to make their own mind up and know who their father is. And yes it's not fair but we will have to pick up the pieces.

best wishes

Thanks. "Magic roundabout" is perfect. Part of the reason I don't want him to go is he is having such a brilliant term at school after an awful one before Christmas, including two suspensions I am trying to be supporting whilst gnashing my teeth in frustration!

I don't have any advise but I do really feel on the one hand you do have to support him but then when his education is suffering you must be pulling your hair out... Could the oldest DC have a word

DS is my only child so I'm very protective of him. Going to wait til he hopefully doesn't mentions it this weekend and then take it from there.