Ex husbands new partner causing problems

[ineedsomepeaceandquiet]

I am at the end of my tether with Ex husband's new partner. Today was the final straw when she posted on Twitter - 'struggling to co partner? This charity can help' and underneath - The EX is being an idiot again.
She is 44, no children and getting married to my ex in the summer after a year of dating.
She has bullied me on Twitter but not directly and to friends about what a bad mother I am, that I can't cope (I have a high pressured full time job) etc. I do not reply with anything just screenshot it. She has told friends that it will all change when she is their step mum (I know that this won't and she has no parental responsibility). She has told my children (6&4) that she'll be their new mum - they asked where I was going. She scrubbed out my details in my sons passports and replaced them with hers. My Ex refuses to do anything about it - what can I do if anything? I am worried about what effect that this will have on my children as all they ever hear is her belittling me. My children never talk about her or mention her to me, the nanny or anyone and when asked about her directly snug and seem embarrassed . Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

And like fedup says, start building a case,

Thanks ladies - will keep you updated on her antics!!

Having him come to yours to put kids to bed would a be very confusing for the dc
And b probably stir up the situation with his new fiancé even more.
Keep his house separate from yours

He says he has to work to pay you?

He works to support HIS children.

He sounds charming.

I think she will be a very very bad influence on your children - it will only get worse after the marriage.

I would log all incidents and go to a family solicitor now to get advice - I'm guessing your ex is remarrying to use the marriage as an argument to get more access to the DC. This woman clearly has problems and you need to keep all the stuff to use in the inevitable custody/access case that will be coming your way. You will need to build a case to block her getting any more access to your DC. I suspect that she is so unhinged that she will try to get full custody of the children once she is married to your ex - she is clearly marrying him to get the children.

Trying to reason with her will be pointless - she'll not listen to a word and do exactly what she wants. Your ex sounds utterly spineless so you can't rely on him either.

Why does him marrying mean he has a case for more access? Ive never heard that before? (Genuine question)

Oh my...I'm with Mums on this one. What a disgusting attitude to have. She needs a reality check and to remember that she is not their mum and never will be. They have a mum and that is you. She can be a positive influence in their lives alongside dad but by the sounds of it she's anything but.

She needs to take a step back. Is there anyone you could talk to? At the end of the day it's obviously affecting your children and they're becoming very confused.

If your ex is in the least bit reasonable, could you talk to him and ask him to imagine if you had a new partner and the new partner was acting in this way, how would your ex expect you to react. He may just need a reality check to see she is beingsn utter cow.

Agree - you need legal advice and mediation between you, ex and this new partner

This is unacceptable and a neutral third party needs to speak to your ex and his partner about the tweets and ask them to explain on what basis they say this is acceptable behaviour. They will struggle.

I am astounded how she has the bloody nerve. My ex's OW has tried similar. I agree - keep evidence of everything, take legal advice and I would certainly speak to SS also.

She sounds utterly unhinged and terribly insecure. If she wasn't so horrid I would almost feel sorry for her. Your ex doesn't seem much better either really.

She sounds a little unhinged, with no concept of boundaries or what constitutes appropriate behaviour.ExH sounds little better.
I don't think you should speak to her, but tell him that the fact that she is so blatantly and deliberately going against your wishes, means that you can't trust her ( or him).
She is deliberately trying to provoke you, and you should continue taking screenshots etc for future reference. Maybe also contact him to let him know every time she does it , maybe he doesn't quite get how offensive and provocative she is being?
I have to say I would not be happy for !my DC to spend time with with someone who was persistently abusive about me. I'd be worried about the effect on them.
Actually the !ore I think about it, the nastier this sounds. She's altered their passports ) presumably without ExH's permission, told them that she'll be their mum ,leading them to question what will happen to you, and is publicly castigating you, casting aspersions on your parenting. This sounds premeditated to me.
A horrible situation for you to be in, tread very warily. Make sure you remain civil, and if possible ensure that conversations with Ex are in thepresence of someone else, .
Hugs x

Thanks everyone. I have a solicitor appt next week and am contacting SS today.
Today's development is she has booked my son's birthday party (it is Exs weekend) . After much insistence on my part my Ex said I can come to the party but afterwards he is taking DS home for a party tea and I am not invited as I spend every day in the week with him. I have sent a copy of the court agreement to him saying we would spend birthdays together - nothing back yet!
He was meant to come on Sunday to discuss things but now coming on Wednesday - waiting for him to cancel again. I am going to document everything over the past year and talk him through it.

you know, the birthday thing is going to cause problems. Would it be so hard for you to just sit this one out and have a party for him yourself on your own time? Your son is not going to experience two adults getting along for his sake, he's going to see 3 adults and tension and possibly worse. Sometimes acting in our children's best interests is about knowing when to step back, bite the bullet and just let the ex get on with the nonsense. No child I know would say no to a second birthday party!

Talk to the solicitor and see what they say but I honestly think if you can just pick the right battle, things will be easier.

My father's new wife was like this (notice I don't call her step mother...)

Record every unreasonable action- like saving screen snapshots as you already are
Do not meet with her one to one- you need a witness every time you talk to her.
Be prepared for every request you make/ground rule you try to set or discuss will be flouted (often outrageously)- so don;t focus your efforts here, focus your efforts on supporting your children through what could become a very distressing time for them
Don't get drawn into cat fighting- behave impeccably and record/have witnessed everything she does to hurt your children, provoke you, act unreasonably.

TBH, what I think she is really after is pushing your children out of your ExP's life. She doesn't want him to have extra access- she wants him to herself. But she wants you to be the bad guy in that process , not her. She will be very supportive to him, she will set the scene with him so you look unreasonable (hence the co-parenting link etc) whilst doing her utmost to make your life unbearable, and then any time your respond/complain, bingo, you look like unreasonable ex to their Dad, and if the relationship breaks down/turns sour, it all your/DCs fault.

She is trying to make the relationship so difficult for you and your children that you withdraw and they get pushed into the background. She will try being so provocative that you complain or get access conditions altered, and little by little DCs will get pushed out.

I'm a feminist, but god, some women can be evil.

I agree with Rosy. She wants to alienate him from the children but also to cast the OP in the worst light possible so he will never want to return. She must be terribly insecure and yep - evil is a strong word, but a good one.

you going to the party may meet the letter of the court agreement in spending a birthday together - unless the agreement specifies you are supposed to spend the 24 hour day together. celebrating a birthday together - well, going to the party to celebrate will meet that.

you cannot get in her (or his) head and it's not worth trying to.
you just have to support your dc... you can say things like "it's not very nice to...[insert bad behavior she has shown] ...." without saying "she is a witch" .

ask your son what he would like to happen.

offer a separate birthday celebration with you.

behave impeccably as above.