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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Does a child need both parents

15 replies

number1daddy · 17/01/2015 23:31

Hi.

I am a single full time daddy to a nearly 6 year old and have been a 24/7 daddy the last 4 and a half years. He last saw his Mum just over 4 years ago.

My question really is, Is one parent enough for a child. I hear mixed stories from families at the school gate for instance and at times it does get me down.

I'm not a perfect parent I know that. I do try my best though. I cook, clean, pay the bills, sort school and clubs, arrange trips out, holidays and about 1000 other things.

I get parenting wrong at times and know I can do better and will.

Though I miss relationships I've been single a few years and like my independence to decide things for my son without talking it through with anyone else.

My biggest scare is failing my son. It sounds silly in some ways but it keeps coming back.

I highly doubt his Mum will bother for quite some time and I am quite relieved it has to be said. Too much hurt would be brought back to the surface with me.

Has anyone been through similar or got any advice.

Thank you for reading

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Blueblueblueblue · 17/01/2015 23:43

You sound like you are doing a fine job.

Two parents is the ideal but it's not the only way to raise your child.

There are plenty of traditional Mum/Dad families doing a rubbish job and plenty of Line parents doing a fab job.

If you have involved Grandmothers or Aunties that could help with adding a female role model to your DC's life (and also give you a wee break).

Children need loving caring families, they come in all shapes and sizes.

Original poster

number1daddy · 17/01/2015 23:48

my mum is brilliant and my dad and brother are too. we see cousins and aunties and uncles a few times a year. Role models are vital I agree to least have both male and female points of view and help.

OP posts:

Blueblueblueblue · 17/01/2015 23:55

In that case your son will be just fine.

My DH is a great Dad and we have a good solid relationship but we still worry that we are doing the best for our children from time to time. Parenting comes with big buckets of guilt for us all.

Original poster

number1daddy · 17/01/2015 23:58

Yep I guess we can overthink things whatever situation we are in.

OP posts:

Pico2 · 17/01/2015 23:59

"I'm not a perfect parent I know that. I do try my best though." That is exactly the same as what parents in two parent families are doing too. You sound like a dedicated father. As Blueblueblueblue says - not all children are lucky enough to have good parents, even when they have two involved in their lives.

fattymcfatfat · 18/01/2015 11:53

You sound like a fantastic dad. There is no manual for parenting. ..we all just make it up as we go along and hope for the best. Im recently single and have been struggling. I joined this site yesterday and feel so much better just being able to get it off my chest. A support system is vital and it sounds like you have that. As I said you are doing a fantastic job...keep it up....your son will be fine.

misstiredbuthappy · 18/01/2015 12:21

I dont think it matters aslong as the child is happy, loved and looked after. Ive been a lone parent to dd (5) since she was born, she sees her dad roughly once every other month when he remembers at my house for half an hour. To be honest she couldnt care less she knows who her dad is but theres no bond there and shes not bothered/affected in anyway.

VoyageOfDad · 18/01/2015 12:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Starlightbright1 · 18/01/2015 13:21

It can be done.. I am LP with NC from dad for over 4 years....

My DS has gone through lots of emotions. I have always been honest with him about his Dad..not slagging him off just not building him up to be something he isn't...

I agree a secure , loving home is far better than something disfunctional.

Dwerf · 18/01/2015 13:31

I think a child needs both male and female role models in their lives but they don't have to be a parent. Of course they need at least one parental figure in their lives (this doesn't have to be a parent either, a grandparent or guardian fills the same role), but families come in all shapes and sizes and as a previous poster said, love is the key. As long as your son is loved and cared for then that's enough.

Many lone parents fill the roles of both mum and dad and have children that grow into perfectly okay adults. It sounds like you are doing a grand job. Ignore anyone who says a man cannot parent as well as a woman. It's bollocks. And by the way, all good parents worry about failing our kids. It's what we do. Bad parents don't worry about these sorts of things.

PossumPoo · 18/01/2015 13:36

I think they do. However sometimes life doesn't work out how we'd like and you sound as though you are doing a really good job.

My Dsis first husband doesnt see their 3dc, only randomly ever year or two. Dsis is remarried to a wonderful guy for over 10 years but there are times when niece and nephews wanted their biological father to just give a shit. Which he doesn't.

Wotsitsareafterme · 18/01/2015 20:33

I think dads can be more than enough on their own
Dp is a single dad to a 7 year old and he's great and v competent. A dear friend is a widowed single dad to a 2 and 5 year old - also amazing

I was raised by a single parent who more than made up for having a mum and dad

bberry · 18/01/2015 20:39

What a child need, IMO, is loving, consistent, encouraging care giver (mum/dad/mum&dad/2 dads/2 mums etc... ) who helps them develop their skills and interests and helps them be a balances/confident and caring adult

My mum raised 3 children on her own and did an amazing job, my childhood was very happy and I am happy as an adult

Do your best....

NK5BM3 · 18/01/2015 20:43

You sound like you are doing a great job. My dh and his brother were brought by their dad single handedly. My dh doesn't remember the mother. She left when he was one. They had grandparents around who helped and I think that worked although according to dh, sometimes it was a bit like the willy wonka household!!!

Good luck. It will be fine.

GirlInASwirl · 30/01/2015 13:18

You sound like you are doing a great job. Unfortunately; quite a lot of 'posturing' happens around school gates; and there is true power in being self-sufficient for your children. You seem perfectly aware of your DSs support needs - and families are successful in all shapes and sizes.

There may come a time (later in life) though when DC may become more curious about where he has come from and where Mummy is. And you may want to present your story in as positive a light as you can do. Maybe something to think on for later...?

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