I love daddy's girlfriend

[GEM33]

He left me for younger girl with no kids a year ago. He cheated on me with this girl who knew he had a family. He rarely has her, maybe two days a month. We passed his g/f s house today, my just turned 3 yr dd said "that is x house" I love x"
I am so ashamed to admit I said "no you don't" and tried to change the subject. (Be gentle I know this was wrong of me ) I got her immediately talking about something else.

I have been shaking with hurt and cried my eyes out after she went to
Bed.

I feel like not only do I have to get over what he's done to me but I keep getting stabbed emotionally by his actions and constantly reminded of what he did. He did t even wait to introduce our dd, he took her round before he even left me. I feel sick. I despise this girl and him and while I try and try to be the bigger person and not let my dd be aware of any emotional crap regarding him and her I couldn't help myself today and I'm ashamed.

It just really really hurts. I know someone is going to say well aren't I pleased she likes her rather than being upset and not liking her...... Not right now, it's just still all too soon :-(

Bless you.... must be so raw still. Think of all the things that he did that upset or annoyed you - that poor girl now has to put up with that, not to mention he wil probably be after one of her hotter mates before long. The way you get em is the way you lose em! That's all irrelevant though - sorry I have a naughty streak

Regarding your daughter - I can imagine how painful it must feel. My ex (who I left mind) moved on to someone younger, more thin, pretty etc and my son Adores her. If you'd told me this would happen while it was still raw I would have felt the same, I always dreaded it. As things stand I don't give two hoots what he thinks any more, having moved on! I AM now grateful for her being lovely, as it means on the rare occasions my son is with them, I can relax knowing he is safe and happy and use the time to do something for me - maybe even a date, or exercise.......

I bet you are a gorgeous woman and your baby loves you more than anything. The fact that your daughter felt comfortable saying that in front of you speaks volumes about your ability as a mum, she is free to speak her mind, there's no awkwardness - my mum would have beat me up if id said that about my dads gf. you are so strong hiding your emotions til bedtime, for her sake. Repeat - you are a beautiful strong person, your daughter is so lucky and will thank you for your attitude one day!

And just between you and me - it is really funny sensing when they've had an argument n being glad it's not ne that has to put up with his moods any more

Gem you poor love. Remember that just turned 3 yr olds say they love nursery staff...other people who come and go in their lives. 'Love' can be very transient for them.

What she feels for you is on a different scale. It's not conditional, breakable or measurable. You are her all.

I know it's very hard to rationally say that it's a good thing your child isn't spending time with an ogre who is making her unhappy but...it is good. It doesn't threaten what you have with your daughter one jot.

Having said that, your ex is a lowlife and it's tough being in your shoes. Toughest thing I know. Don't let him spoil anything. Clear the pair of them out of your head so you enjoy life with DD

Gosh your ex seems a tragic cliche, and its all so soon and raw, but look to the long game as cauliflower and older say, at least the gf/ow is lovely with your child. Once you are over the twat, I'm sure the fact the ow is good to your DD will be a positive thing.

Sorry you've had such a horrible time

Thank you both. Haha, you made me smile too. He also left his first child mother when his first ds was 2 also for another woman. (Not me! I came when his ds was 5 ) so he clearly can't cope with parent hood. I worshipped him. We had a lovely relationship. We never rowed, I was completely shocked when he said he was going. I'm still shocked.

Thanks for your kind words. I needed my hand holding. I am trying to move on but it's hard after loving someone so much and the betrayal, it feels like this girl took my soul mate (although clearly he couldn't have been) and now she is getting her dirty hands on my precious baby.

You're right, dd tells people she just met she loves them, she's extremely loving and caring. And yes, we do have an amazing attachment. (Trying to focus on positive)

I think you said exactly the right thing to her and changing the subject was definitely the right thing to do!

I am a step mum of many years standing, and I love my step kids and they love me. But their mum is their best love, and that is fine with me.

I am sure your bond with your daughter is stronger than any other relationship. No doubts at all.

I hope this helps.

Plus, can't see him leaving this one, they've been together over a year (well, I don't know how long he saw her behind me back) they bought a house together 6 months after he left me before he was off our mortgage.

It does sound like a really tough time for you. But the thing is, you're her mother, you always will be, and nothing will ever beat that.

Little children are fickle; like pp have said, they'll say they love anyone. (It doesn't mean your feelings are any less valid though.)

God that must hurt so badly :-( I'm sorry..
Be kind to yourself. You deserve so much better than a flaky fairweather man. Anyone's faith and confidence would be on the floor after what you've been through you are doing so well bringing up a happy chirpy loving little soul! Keep going, time is a great healer. You never know, she is maybe even deep down paranoid n jealous of the connection she senses between you two... Not that it helps to hear that..!

3 is so young too I agree!

Thank you cauliflower fairy. One of the things my ex said to me was that she doesn't have a problem at all with him having kids with other women. She's quite brass and full of herself and she quite likes rubbing it all in my face. I just don't understand why on the rare times he has my dd he takes her to his new g/f house instead of to his parents so dd can see her blood family.

I am not suprised how you feel. A natural love for a mother no one can compete with. I can remember my DS crying when we made an animal out of vegetables that we had to put in the bin because he was rotting...He sobbed how much he loves it.

He goes to his girlfriends because the world revolves around him and her...

Time will show how much he really cares and she will get it.

Your response may not of been the one you gave if given time to redo it but you did the best you could..Don't beat yourself up about that

That is unkind of her Gem to be honest rubbing it in your face.

Your ex sounds like he doesn't cope that well being a father on his own, maybe he enjoys the attention from his new gf's family and wants then involved so she's more likely to stay. They are also an audience to witness "what a great dad" he is... Often exes just take an interest in their child to show them off to new partners, it makes me sick. Though a more likely scenario is - itsounds like she is a pushy character and she is probably the one who dictates where they take your daughter so chooses her family, partly as his are maybe a bit disapproving that he walked out on his family ?? This is total guesswork, I don't know how he gets on with his parents! Don't let it bother you. If she is safe and happy enjoy your time alone!!

My ex never even told his family he had a son. I broke it to them this Christmas(he is now 8) but he never feels that comfortable with our son alone, he openly admits he finds a child's company easier when his girlfriend is there!

Begs the question how they would cope with the reality of being full time parents

Haha. Yes cauliflower he just couldn't cope being full time. He admitted they're getting married today during another argument. He is close to his family but you're spot on the ow is pushy and he is a type that allows a woman to take control (I found him lazy and I had to do and organise everything and when he left he moaned I was controlling but I had to be because he was so whimsical) that's his ex said who I'm now friends with because he wouldn't let me talk to her when we were together even though I wanted to offer an olive branch to her seeing as she had his first child he just said she was mental and to leave it. She's actually a lovely professional lady!
I feel rock bottom today after the arguing and finding out about the marriage thing.

How does your ex have another family and not tell them about his son! ?! Men are vile selfish hideous creatures.

hey. Little ones don't always know the real meaning of what they say till they get older. They are very honest though and being comfortable telling you just shows what a good job you are doing.

my son said to me before christmas he loves his mummy even though he doesn't know her and hasn't seen her for over four years.

Us parents are the ones who do all the day to day boring things and I can only imagine it can get you a bit if the nrp treats them all the time.

Good luck and I always find after a good sleep things are that little bit better come the morning especially when my five year old bounces in and gives me a huge cuddle

You poor thing, I'm so sorry for the situation you found yourself in.
I don't know if it will help or not, but my DS called 'I love you' to a lady we met in the multi-story carpark lift three minutes earlier.