Only parent out of my friends and feeling lonely.

[coralha]

Hi,
I have never posted anything like this before, usually I just google how I feel and find the closest article or thread relating to it. But I can't really find much about how I currently feel so here goes...

My son was born in September 2014 and I turned 24 in the following November, I am a single parent and the dad has no involvement currently. The pregnancy was not planned but always wanted. My son is lovely and I've adjusted fairly well to motherhood (or so I like to think! Haha), I like being his mum. Here is my issue. I am literally the only person in my close and extended group of friends that has a child. I've met some other mums with babies a similar age at various groups but haven't really gelled with any.
My friends all think my son is lovely and love giving him cuddles and all the rest but when it comes down to it I just feel really different and removed from them and what they are up to now. I don't want to sound unhappy about having my son because I am so happy about him, but I guess I really miss my old life style sometimes and my friends. A big part of me just wants to stop even trying to see them because when I do I just end up feeling really lonely and isolated. I know they try as hard as they can to understand all these new things in my life that come with being a parent, but without meaning to sound bratty, they just don't get it and I totally understand why they don't get it. It's like my life has to be planned with military precision these days so when they give me some vague time and place I get a bit frustrated and then I feel bad for getting frustrated! Or when I see them I know they probably don't mean to and it might even just be my hang ups but I can tell the baby talk gets boring! I mean I totally understand because me prior to having a baby would have probably felt the same way But these days I kind of feel like I have nothing else to offer and that makes me really upset because I feel like I've kind of lost a bit of me along the way. Or when they are talking about their weekends or jobs or futures and I just don't have anything to really add because my life has taken such a different path.

I guess I just want to know if anyone has had the same kind of experience and if it ever got better as time goes on? I don't want to lose my friendships, they've always been important to me, but I feel less and less like I have much in common with most of my friends and more and more alone.

Also sorry for the length of this! It's a bit of an essay.

Keep going to the baby groups, enrol on the baby massage etc. You only need to find one mum who you gel with to make things much better.

yes your life has changed and you need to focus on you and your baby now: some of your old friends wont get it and some will drop by the wayside (until they have babies too...) . your real friends wont. go to baby groups, keep at it you will meet people you like.

even if they not your best mate right now, you need people with babies in your life so try to see them as colleagues. as baby gets older you can swap babysitting etc. and you will form good relationships with other parents. offer playdates in your home and they might reciprocate. offer to help run the playgroups and baby groups. get involved with baby singing gym groups etc. by getting out and about and joining in with things you will meet new people who also have babies.

what job or training have you got? think about going to work in few months, what about childcare or retraining or going to education - look into all these things and make a good life for you and your child.

with a baby you can still have a job and a future and a career - make it happen.

I used to feel like that when i first had my son. It is so much harder to make friends as a single mum too as the married ones clique together, they used to be threatened by me for some reason. I in turn used to get frustrated when they sat round complaining how hard it was when their husband was away for a few days. It's such a different life with kids

Got to say 8 years on n nothing has changed. I love chatting to my childless friends as I can live vicariously through them! So not much advice to offer but you aren't alone xxx

I've totally been there and its really hard so I feel for you. I kept up with the baby groups and so on and eventually found a few awesome people who I really got on with and who I now consider to be friends, not just acquaintances.

With my "pre baby friends", I found it got easier as dd got older but there were still many people who fell by the wayside as they just weren't interested enough in me to hang around when I was being "boring". Fair enough, I guess, but it was really hard. The true friends stuck around and soon they'll be having babies and you'll be able to reconnect on that level too :)

Thank you all so much for your advice and comments. All of your support makes me feel a lot less alone and that makes it all feel a lot easier. I am going to try to make more of an effort at groups, which I think being honest I probably haven't been giving my all to.

Good on you Coralha! Hope it works out!

I only have 2 close friends. One of which stood by my side when everyone else left during my first pregnancy and the other was a friend of the first who I met through the first. I call them my close friends but we all have children and I dont see them often. They see each other everyday as they live round the corner from each other and sometimes I feel quite lonely myself. Im not really into baby groups etc as some of the mums just do my head in!!!! I mean its not rocket science. ..if your kid has a sore bum sudocreme and regular nappy changes do the job!!!! Sorry....really bugs me! Maybe im just not sociable? ???? But good luck to you its not nice to feel lonely and you will find people that you gel with soon enough...im just not willing to. ..in case my mouth goes into action before mybrain and I upsrt someone!