Employer told me as a single mum I should resign... can he do that?

[shmoozie]

It's important that I'm specific here. I work in a school and the headteacher told me that if I can't put a contingency plan in place that ensures my arriving to work on time even if my child is found to be ill and needs to see a doctor that morning, then I need to resign. My attendance record is good with the exception of 6 weeks to recover from a broken bone (mine). When my child was ill I took him to the gp, made alternative childcare as arrangements Nursery couldn't take him (contagious) and got in to work for that same afternoon. I have made arrangements for childcare next week until he is well again.
I can't say that it will never happen again and I think I've been reasonable in my actions.
Using anecdotes he explained that women have to make the decision to resign from work if they can't guarantee attending work despite child's unexpected illness.
I'm expecting him to begin picking fault with my work in an attempt to pressure me in to resigning. How can I demonstrate that those things he finds fault in are nothing more than a legal way to dismiss me since he knows using the real reason would be unacceptable.
Family is deceased so he knows this is difficult for me with little support but has said I should have thought about that before I made the decision to have a child. I've worked here for 13 years and want to continue to but I'm feeling devalued and helpless.
I really hope you can offer advice. I'm certain that he would not have said these things in public, but I also know that if I make a formal complaint I won't be able to continue to work here as others stronger than me have tried and failed.

would an email outlining employment law regarding this matter (cut and paste from GOV website ) along with a thank you, but no thank you for the advice re resigning be a good idea?

He will have to respond or it looks like an admission.

Record everything in writing now, dates, direct quotations and the email idea above is a good one.

I was ending harassed at work by my ex DP who also worked there. I did record our conversations on my mobile phone and, although they couldn't be 'officially' used, when I played them to HR they were absolutely horrified. DP was swiftly gone!! Not sure what route they took to get rid of him but I didn't care :-)

I WOULD TALK TO AN EMPLOYMENT LAWYER BEFORE DOING ANYTHING ELSE.

Sorry to shout but you have NO idea how helpful a session with a professional on this subject can be (no I'm not a lawyer). Apart from anything else, you need to decide what your goal is - e.g. keep this job but with better conditions, find a new job asap but with a good reference, get compensation... etc. If you can find anyone at all to help with the cost, do so if you need to. You could try the Citizens Advice Bureau, they used to have some access to free law services, but it can take ages to get an appointment and I don't know if the service still exists. But the union and the ACAS helpline could do at a pinch.

I've provided agreed references before, but he has on occasion made a supplementary telephone call to explain why he can't complete a set reference template provided by the prospective employer.

Oh goodie, that means you have lots of leverage of his illegal and bullying practices that you can use as leverage against this wanker.

You can also take advantage of the workplace intimacy you two have to play dirty.

What an idiot to get into a constructive dismissal claim with his own PA.

Start making a written record of all dodgy and bullying dealings and see what notes you can find about previous bullying behaviour.

Then go and see an employment lawyer and take advice about how to proceed.

I've experienced this kind of attitude from Heads in education, the child-centred industry. It makes my blood boil.

There are lots of things in place to protect you, such as emergency leave and parental leave.

ACAS can advise you - phone them and definitely, definitely go to your union. If you aren't in one, join one.

I would also check out whether you have free legal advice through your house insurance as his comments sound discriminatory.

As others have said. Please join the union ASAP.

Your boss is in the wrong.

Record everything in writing now, dates, direct quotations and the email idea above is a good one.

This.

I was going to suggest NAHPA membership at £31 but their website seems a bit meagre given that acc to a magazine they've been around over a decade.
So I guess joining unison would be your best bet although personally I would try and get the details of and have a discrete word with the local NUT or ALT rep, certainly the latter do membership for support staff for £57

In the meantime, until you join the union and speak to your rep, you could try calling the Working Families helpline www.workingfamilies.org.uk/advice-information/free-parents-carers-helpline/

I've used it before. It's free and they really know their stuff on employment rights relating to being a parent.

Join a union NOW! They will not mind that you were not a union member previously and will give you support and advice, including a union rep who will go to any meetings with you and make sure you know what your rights are. And will also inform HT when he is acting against the law.

HT is being discriminatory - and quite blatantly.

Union reps are trained in workplace law and areas like discrimination and will have access to fully qualified staff at their headquarters.

It sounds like this guy likes to work "under the radar" and his behaviour is shocking.

If you join a union, then when HT starts this again you can say "I'd like to continue this conversation when I have my union rep with me." that way there will be a witness to anything he says. And you are quite within your rights to say this each and every time.

His comments could also be seen as bullying/harassment. TBH I've haven't heard such blatant prejudice and ignorance from a so-called professional in years.

You have nothing to lose from joining a union - their purpose is to protect workers from exactly the circumstances you describe.

discreet

Your status as a single parent is irrelevant anyway. Your retired but active mother could live next door to you and be always happy to take her DGS to help you out.

You could be have colleagues in relationships whose partners often work away so aren't going to be able to teleport from the other side of the country to do their share of emergency child care.

Sounds like he is incapable of doing his job without his PA to hold his hand.

Agree to recording conversations, no it isn't admissible in court, but you can get a lot of people to hear it before you get anywhere near a courtroom.
Get yourself in the union and use them for advice.
Inform the chair of governors, he is answerable to them, and I'm sure they'd be horrified by his behaviour (you can see by the responses on this board that everyone is in agreement that he's a nob).
I'm on the governors at our local school and we'd not be able to ignore information that serious (not that we'd want to but ykwim).

He sounds horrible. Good luck.

Re which union to join, it should be the one that your colleagues are in and that has a rep in your workplace. School support staff tend to be in Unison.

Follow conversations up with an email.

Dear dick,

Following our conversation today where you stated that as a single mum I should resign if I can't guarantee I won't need to take time off for my child's illness again.

I would firstly like to state that I hope not to be in such a situation again but I can't guarantee it. Employment law does allow me to have paid time off for emergency care.

I would like to remind you that I have worked here for 13 years and in this time have only had x amount of time off. Indeed with the episode last week I only had to take the morning off to take my dc to the doctors. Following their medical appt i swiftly arranged alternative care. I would normally be able to arrange such care but if my child needs to see a Dr it would have to be myself who takes them. Hopefully this would be an infrequent occurrence.

With this in mind I do not intend to resign.

Regards

...

And save the email for ever.

I'm a FT working parent, I have a partner at home full time, so presumably I would be one of the uterus-owners 'allowed' by this utter dickweed to continue to work. Well, he wouldn't like it when I have to make arrangements for flexible working so that I can support dh through his periodic psychotic episodes and ECT treatment. Luckily I have always worked for bosses who a) weren't dickweeds and b) chose to comply with the law and local policies on employing human beings.

I think the email above is great but PLEASE don't send anything or do anything except make your own records until you have talked to a lawyer.

Viva's email is good, but your employer does not have to pay you. Double, triple check any facts you put in. Many employers do pay, but legally they do not have to.

Yes, check the facts. Sorry was going on what was written on this thread earlier. Check your contract and check the law.

I've looked into covert recording a little more, and it appears that there are circumstances where it may be admissable as evidence in a tribunal. See here www.gannons.co.uk/blog/admissibility-of-covert-recordings-in-the-employment-tribunal-warning-to-employers/

Note the warning at the end of the article that your employer could argue that the making and sharing of covert recordings are a significant breach of trust and may use the fact that you were going behind you manager's back in this way to call your credibility into question.

I really would not recommend this approach - better to engage a union and follow their advice. Make lots of notes on the informal and formal meetings you have with your manager. I agree with PP who said that emailing him the policy and summing up the conversation you had with him is probably a good idea.

Agree with pp. keep a log of everything that happens.
I would email the log to yourself so you have proof of when it happened by way of the email sent/received date.

He can't do this. If you feel you can, record future conversations with him on the matter, your phone can probably do this as would be discreet.

You need to look for another job. This situation is never going to make you happy.

As others have said, keep detailed notes, record conversations if you can and keep copies of anything else dodgy going on to make sure you have maximum leverage.