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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Original poster

non payment through cms How do people sleep at night? Mini rant sorry

12 replies

totallyjaded · 09/01/2015 13:50

Ex not paid through cms so they are chasing him. He has nothing at all to do with our child and doesn't even make an attempt to see him. Has other children but has a favourite child (not my son obviously). All attention and moneys go to other son. How can people live with that? And how can others (friends,family,girlfriend etc) support someone that does that? Somebody please please explain it to me

OP posts:
Starlightbright1 · 09/01/2015 14:08

I can't explain him however I suspect family, girlfriend etc are all been fed a different story

noorqt · 09/01/2015 15:01

It's Unfortunate but men lie a lot and have very different levels of emotional attachment then the woman. It is very sad that your son is being treated differently to he's other DC and I'm sure your exP has been telling family and others a different story to what you are feeling. At least your DS can't miss eggs he's never had and all the love he has is for you...Smile You and your DS are better off without that person. Xx

Pinkballoon · 09/01/2015 15:08

Totallyjaded

I have the same situation. But you can bet your bottom dollar that as other posters have said, the family, friends and girlfriend will all have been fed a different story.

I think that my ex's latest story is that I am a money grabber and unfit to care for 'his' child!!! :) :) Story would kind of slip up if anyone with any common sense asked him why he'd left 'his' child with me for over a year if I'm 'unfit' , and why he hadn't bothered with her in that year; and er… why there's a court order for unpaid maintenance and the CSA are chasing him…..

Mine has other children too and definitely favours them above our daughter. Its shocking.

People will believe what they want to be believe. Perhaps it would be too shocking for the friends/ family/ girlfriend to accept the reality of the situation?

pinklady1107 · 09/01/2015 18:06

I too have the same problem, apparently the step daughters return to school date in September means that he cannot have his daughters at all in the six weeks holidays!

How they sleep at night is beyond me?? but he has met a nasty piece of work so am hanging on that karma comes to him. My daughters have begged him to see them more but he always says no.

The new wife must be as spiteful and nasty as she encourages such little contact and no csa money, she's probably been fed a whole story of lies though.

They miss out, but it doesn't take the anger and hurt away.

Original poster
totallyjaded · 09/01/2015 22:24

Thank you for all the replies. I very slowly learnt whilst being with this man his so crazy ex was in fact crazy as her actions backed his story. Bit of a fruit loop to say the least (long story). All family and friends agreed with this and like I said her behaviour was appalling. What I also learnt was people never knew the full tale at all. Best friend (most sensible person on the planet and how he is his friend I don't know) backed him 100% til we got talking and I casually mentioned some tings that a 'best' friend should know about his crazy ex and he hadn't told him! So he obviously does tell people what he wants them to know and hear!! Sorry to be vague but like I said long story. I was the one encouraging him to fight for access as she stopped it when he took up with me. However since I flew the nest she believes I stopped him!! In fact had I not said I won't stay with him if he doesn't fight for his child he wouldn't have bothered as he's so bloody weak!! I've already said if he had good people around him it would not be happening and it seems I'm not far off the mark!!
How these men live with themselves and I'm sorry but the women that that allow/encourage this are just as disgusting. I'm a money grabber too because obviously I drew up the child support laws in the UK.
Its all crazy and all unnecessary. A bit of hard work now and these men can only have their lives enriched by these lovely children.
Sorry for the ramble but aaaarrrgghhhh I needed an outlet x

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Original poster
totallyjaded · 20/01/2015 10:28

And how come its my fault he has to pay? Isn't it the law? Is it just me or does anyone else get blamed for the csa enforcing things?

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revealall · 20/01/2015 21:19

Yes but I switch the arguement.
I would be very happy to have nothing to do with DS dad but unfortunately the law and moral reasoning of modern Britian very much expects dads to pay. They you go I'm afraid. Not me but the law (can you believe the crazy fools) says that the other creator of the child should also support them. Ho hum.

fattymcfatfat · 20/01/2015 22:13

I havent asked for a penny of the ex. I dont want his money....especially as his mother accused me of being a golddigger anyway!When she said this he wasnt wworking I was 16 and my family had to buy everything for my ds! Ridiculous but there you go. I cant be bothered with the grief. I dont want anything from him so he can't use it against me in any way as he is one of those!

Original poster
totallyjaded · 21/01/2015 16:42

I like that saying reveal lol. I wasn't going to ask for anything either but I invested a few years of my life into this man and he betrayed me so badly I looked at it as business in the end. Let him say what he likes about me now but he isn't and won't support baby emotionally or practically so he can financially. To me when you have a baby you are 50/50 responsible. If I had his morals I'd be grateful I'd got off so lightly. No sleepless nights, no worry, no responsibility. I enjoy the responsibility. It just bugs me that these men seem to get off so lightly

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fattymcfatfat · 21/01/2015 17:52

I get your point. My dad annoys me. He pays my mum for the one dependant that is left via csa. My lil bro is 12. My mum gets 5 pounds a week as my dad is either claiming jsa or when he is working, and the csa finally catch up with him he quits his job so he doesn't have to pay anymore.I dont know what a fiver will get a12 yo though.....its not even a pair of jeans!

ScrambledEggAndToast · 07/02/2015 18:46

Totally sympathise OP. My ex has been out of work since Sept 2012 and since then I have received less than £80. He was recently assessed to pay me as his partner now has a job but basically told the CSA to shove it. He currently owes £300 and when it gets to £500 they will start enforcement action.

As for your point, I don't know either how they sleep. Most lone parents aren't even asking for much, just a contribution. I sometimes wonder how my ex justifies it to his new partner and wonder whether she ever thinks that this could happen to her (he has another child that he pays nothing towards as well as mine).

Original poster
totallyjaded · 07/02/2015 22:35

Its disgusting isn't it? I know from experience that no way no how would I feel happy and contented with a man that doesn't see or contribute to his child in any way possible. I'd constantly feel that there was more to the story than they were telling me. If the child lived in another country then that COULD be understandable but that would be the ONLY reason! You breed em you feed em :/

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