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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

how do you manage feeling broody?

17 replies

maggiesmama · 09/10/2006 10:33

i am on my own, obviously. and i really really want more chidren. so much, it hurts tbh.

does anyone else feel this way?

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Original poster

maggiesmama · 09/10/2006 14:06

anyone???

OP posts:

Littlefish · 09/10/2006 14:16

I sort of know what you mean. I am married, but we have major fertility problems. I desperately want another baby, but it is incredibly unlikely ever to happen.

It's really hard, isn't it.

Original poster

maggiesmama · 09/10/2006 20:25

right now it feels heartbreaking. i feel for you. thank you for replying.

OP posts:

Curlybubba · 10/10/2006 06:15

Hi Maggiesmama! Yes I really really would love another baby, my son is 2yrs old now, and for the past few months I've been thinking how nice it'd be to have another baby, how would I even go about it though?! I love being a single Mum and I dont want a man involved in my life....hmmm what to do.

Judy1234 · 10/10/2006 14:31

I did before my last (which was twins).
My sister chose to have her children alone by IVF. That can be expensive. There are other routes.
You don't need a man you're in a relationship with to make babies.

Tinkerbel5 · 11/10/2006 11:31

Did anyone watch that live birthing programme the other night, wow did that make me feel broody.

I know what you are saying maggiesmama.

mamamaaargh · 11/10/2006 21:46

Yes, maggiesmama, I feel the same way. It's horrible. Single mum of a 12 month old and very broody ... Don't know how to manage those feelings so I just ignore them, But yes, it hurts. And it seems that everyone either has a tiny baby or is pregnant too. Of course that's wonderful but it does remind me constantly that I'm unlikely to have either of those... Sorry you're having the same problem.

Judy1234 · 12/10/2006 20:22

Well as I said anyone can have a baby if they're fertile. So it's a choice not to have one in a sense. You might believe you only want one with a man though, but that's a choice. You're taking an active choice in a sense.

Original poster

maggiesmama · 18/10/2006 20:47

its true. could just go ahead. i guess i'm concerned - in an entirely selfish way - that it would prevent anyman from ever entering our lives. and i really do miss having a partner, and my dd really does need some sort of father figure it seems. i guess i figure i'll wait for a while and see what pans out. and do it alone, if it comes to that. done it once with no help from dd's father (in fact, his very existence makes life harder, so maybe if there were no man on the scene while having a baby alone would be easier?) so can do it again. but... but... it must be an amazing feeling to make and have a baby with someone you love. to share it all. rather than have the dad there during the birth, but drunk, for example (bitter? me?)

also - has been suggested to me that its selfish to have a child alone. i dont agree. but does anyone think this veiw has merits?

OP posts:

cath28 · 18/10/2006 21:48

i'm a single mum 17 weeks pregnant with my second, my daughter is 4 in january.. i had the same thing as you maggiesmama i was broody as hell but my boyfriend who seemed to really love and adore me and my daughter has run a mile now, so i'm on my own with her again and with another on the way. i have really mixed feelings about being a single parent. i hate having to do absolutely everything myself but then again i like the independence of it and not having arguments or needing to answer to anyone else. thing is, i do love my (ex)boyfriend and we did make the baby through love so i have this dream/fantasy that he will magically come back, and we will be this happy family. i need to get it into my head that even if he comes back he has betrayed me and i can have a happy family without him. but my god it is hard. MUCH harder than the idea of bringing up a second without a man around. i think love screws things up sometimes. sperm bank would probably have been simpler!
hope you are ok anyway.

cath28 · 18/10/2006 21:49

and HOW is it selfish to have a child alone? explain that one! i think it's about the most selfless thing you can do.

LittleScarer · 18/10/2006 22:11

I feel bad for you maggiesmama but I must admit that I am happy with just the one!

My dd is 2.5 now (split with dad while pregnant) and I guess I am just so settled with it being just the two of it (have become very independent) that the idea of having a full-time man and more child(ren) kind of scares me!

Bizarrely I was just thinking now I'd like quite like a wee boy boy someday. I am young (ish) though so I guess if I get the chance to have more things may change, I would like to do it with a supportivepartner I must admit!

Anyway, I am sure that is not too helpful, but I would say concentrate on you and your wee one for the moment and maybe in time there will be more to your family.

Judy1234 · 18/10/2006 22:20

My sister thought long and hard about having hers by IVF on her own and I don't think she was selfish. It's certainly harder. We were married for 19 years so I was very used to there being 2 of us to help with the children.

Surely if you've got one that's as off putting for a new man as if you have another one or two on your own now so you don't have a huge age gap between the children either.

HappyMumof2 · 19/10/2006 08:30

Message withdrawn

janebracelet · 21/10/2006 14:47

I have a single-mum-of-one friend who wanted another. She wanted second child to have same father so purposely got back together with idiot ex partner and got knocked up, then dumped him.(He doesnt pay her any money by the way)She used him just for the sperm. She wanted the same father for second child as said she couldnt be bothered with dealing with a second ex in her life.He didnt seem too bothered as he doesnt do anything for the DC anyway. Not advocating this as the way forward but thought I would just put it out there as an idea,sure its probably an unbearable thought for a lot of single mums.

HappyMumof2 · 21/10/2006 16:54

Message withdrawn

cath28 · 23/10/2006 11:05

i'm finding it tough being pregnant without my partner around (my second baby is due in march) but that is mainly because i am still totally in love with him and the split was so sudden i am still reeling from it. crying myself to sleep most nights still 2 months on

i think if it was someone you weren't emotionally involved with, it would be fine. it's hard work but then, you don't have to worry about a man and all their needs, so in a funny way it is easier too. i'm worried about the birth, though - first time round i had an emergency caesarean and i would like to avoid a second one but not sure what i will do about a birth partner, theres nobody obvious, i really don't want my mum there much as i love her!

i agree that where possible children should have some kind of father but then, sometimes they are better off without, when you look at the fathers! you can get father figures from grandparents, uncles, friends.. too don't you think?

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