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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

need advice!!!

7 replies

cath28 · 08/10/2006 14:30

i'm new on here and posted a message a couple of weeks ago but didn't get much response. i'm a single mum to dd nearly 4 years old and i'm now pregnant with a different guy's baby, 15 weeks now. he has left us and gone abroad because he couldn't handle the situation but now is emailing me about how sorry he is and how much he regrets his actions and how much he loves me. i can't handle it because he caused me so much pain and i'm only just piecing together our lives and trying to find somewhere new to live etc, and trying to hold it all together, the email correspondence is not helping me but at the same time, he is the love of my life even after what he has done and i don't want to shut off all hope of us getting back together in the future if he sorts his head out. at the moment he doesn't even know for definite that i'm keeping the baby because i haven't been able to calm down enough to tell him, and i've been trying to get an explanation out of him first for why he bailed out on me.. guess we are both having trouble facing reality.. any advice / similar situations, would love to hear from anyone, also i live in bath, if there is anyone local to me i'm feeling quite isolated at the moment it'd be nice to meet new mums..

OP posts:
BATtymumma · 08/10/2006 14:34

tell hi via email that you are keeping the baby and that if he wants to be in your and baby's life then he will need to grow up and accept that being a dad takes more than good swimmers.

if after hearing that you intend to go through wit the pregnancy he still wants to try again then great. he may have just been scared, its not unusual...even for married men, to get a bit cold footed when that little stick turns blue.

take things slowly, VERY slowly. he will have to start dating you again and see how things go. your still hurt by his actions and so this is all still an open wound for you.
but if there is a chance that you could all be happy together its worth the risk im sure.

good luck

TortUREoiseChamber · 08/10/2006 14:37

Hi cath.
Not really got any advice but i think he needs to know you are keeping the baby.
Im in Castle Cary so not that far away. There are a few MNers in the Bath area.
Im a single mum to 2 sons 9 and 6 and 2 daughters 2 and 3! Although the ds's currently live with their Dad and i have a final court hearing at the end of the month to decide their residency!

Freckle · 08/10/2006 14:41

Do you feel that he's now back in contact because he believes you may have had a termination? So that he can come back and everything will go back to normal?

I would tell him that you are keeping the baby and see what his reaction is. If he is intent on making up for his past behaviour, then he will accept that and do everything he can to become involved in your lives (subject to your agreement). If not, then he probably won't bother with the correspondence.

If he is genuinely sorry for his behaviour, why is he still abroad??

cath28 · 13/10/2006 21:28

thank you all for your comments, i know you're right that he needs to know what is going on but i just feel it is so unfair that i have to explain myself when he hasn't told me what the hell went on with him.. but yeah the grown up thing to do would be just to send him an email like you say Battymumma and wait for the response.. i just feel so angry after having felt so hurt and gutted i now just feel full of anger.. will keep posting. you're right freckle if he is so full of love and remorse, why ain't he acting like it?!

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cath28 · 23/10/2006 11:02

just wondering TorturoiseChamber how do i get in touch with MNers in the bath area?

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TortUREoiseChamber · 23/10/2006 11:09

Hi.There is a Bath meet up thread here.Not got as far a meeting yet!
Add a message and hopefully someone will reply.

here

cath28 · 23/10/2006 11:16

ok ive done that so hopefully someone will reply!

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