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Original poster

does he change?

22 replies

bathtimebabe · 14/04/2004 14:29

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littlemissbossy · 14/04/2004 14:43

why would it mean moving far away? and how far?

coppertop · 14/04/2004 14:50

I could be wrong but it sounds to me as though you don't really want him back. Do you perhaps feel as though it's something you SHOULD do rather than it being something you WANT to do? I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you're happy as you are don't feel as though you have to get back together.

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bathtimebabe · 14/04/2004 15:05

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Kayleigh · 14/04/2004 15:08

Don't do anything unless you are 100% sure.
If he can't wait forever then he possibly isn't the right man. If he loved you he'd wait till hell freezed over.

coppertop · 14/04/2004 15:12

Agree with Kayleigh. He should be prepared to wait. It sounds as though he's more interested in having his daughter living closer to him and hopefully have you there to look after her.

coppertop · 14/04/2004 15:13

Welcome to Mumsnet, by the way.

Kayleigh · 14/04/2004 15:16

You say he hasn't had a drink since your daughter was born. But if you are so far away how do you know for sure ? If you only have his word I'd be very wary.

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bathtimebabe · 14/04/2004 15:18

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bathtimebabe · 14/04/2004 15:21

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Kayleigh · 14/04/2004 15:23

you take as much time as you need and if he's pressuring you just tell him that'll only make any decision harder for you, and less likely to be in his favour.

It might be an idea when you are next up there to check out stuff like mother & baby groups in the area so you have some idea of what could be available to you if you do move.

And welcome to Mumsnet from me too

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bathtimebabe · 14/04/2004 15:34

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Kayleigh · 14/04/2004 15:38

that'll do nicely ! see you again soon

Twinkie · 14/04/2004 15:51

Sod him - why has he not hauled his arse down to devon to see you and DD?? - he would have to make a huge amount of effort to get me to move that far and TBH I don't think I would - sure you're not doing it because you want to be a family??? - it has to be right between you two regardless of DD!!

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bathtimebabe · 15/04/2004 13:51

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bathtimebabe · 15/04/2004 14:08

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Twinkie · 15/04/2004 14:19

No he just seems like a tosser - why make you go all the way up there with a baby - and if its not right its not right - DD won't make any difference to that!!

Its hard being a single mum (I'm not, well was for a short time!!) but I have close friends who are and are better for being single and happy than stuck with a bastard!!

Make sure you get all the benefits and help you can get!!

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bathtimebabe · 15/04/2004 18:47

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collision · 15/04/2004 18:58

LOL at Twinkie......BTBabe......if you want honest answers, Twinkie is the one who will answer! She is great and forthright and will not suffer fools gladly! Go Twinkie!!!! (LOL means laughing out loud!)

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bathtimebabe · 15/04/2004 19:08

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smellymelly · 15/04/2004 20:39

Bathtimebabe - I'm in Devon too......
My ex was only interested in his ds when he thought there was a chance with me, I did get back with him, and it failed, but I'm pleased to say I got my gorgeous dd out of it( hope that doesn't sound too selfish?).

He was always a 'good' father till we split up a 2nd time, when he put me through hell re solicitors, access etc., then thankfully he met someone else, I started a new relationship 18mths ago, and I'm getting married in this July!!!!

Ex has never paid any interest in DD, not paid money since last may, and not seen DS since last August. ( he also now has new baby )

Believe me they do not change....

I was a single mum for 3.5 years, and it was great, (actually sometimes it was easier), and now I am the happiest yet......and my kids have a wonderful new family who love them unconditionally....... It can happen!!!!

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bathtimebabe · 16/04/2004 09:40

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Chocol8 · 16/04/2004 13:23

Bathtimebabe - I am a single mum to my ds (6). I love the single life...i can do what I want, when I want and him leaving left a big gap in the fridge which I was duty bound to fill with chocolate (hence, my name).

For a long time after I chucked him out, i still wore my engagement ring (which looked like a wedding band), as I felt that I got treated alot better when seen as a Mrs. After about a year, I suddenly thought, hang on, I do a bloody excellent job and I'm gonna take off my ring and show the world that I am proud to be a single mum. I feel I can hold my head up high, now I no longer have to put up with his put downs and crap (big drinker who was physically and mentally abusive).

So, please do feel proud of being a single mum - I am and I know plenty more who are. Making plans is an excellent way to look forward and not back. The best of luck to you. Take care. x

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