Hi all, please can I use your collective experiences.

[unicorn]

I never thought I would be here.. but no choice now

am hoping there is some collective wisdom here as to the millions of questions I need to ask... first off, what to tell the kids - and when to mention it to the school?

I had a friend who i used to work with, her partner used to beat her.

At first he'd do it to her legs and body, but eventually he started on her face and head.

I always remember the day she took me to the toilets and showed me what he'd done to her.

I was in tears and physically sick at seeing her injuries.

She used to say it was HER fault that he did it.

Would make excuses for him constantly.

He'd come back after being arrested time and time again and say he'd change!!!!

Change for a few days or maybe a couple of weeks.

Don't take him back like she did, a leopard will never change their spots!!!!!

Speak to the school teacher or headmaster a.s.a.p. they will probably be very sympathetic to you.

Tell the children that although mummy and daddy love them, you no longer love each other, but that you'll always be there for them.

If he's allowed access to the children it might be worth getting social services to supervise them.

I doubt very much if he'd get custody of the children at any point.

Also, you could speak to refuge if you need anywhere to stay to get away from him at anytime.

hi
My mum was in a similar situation regarding schools needed to no delicates and in our experiences everyone is very understanding and discreet. I also had dealings with the police and womens services with exBF and again everyone is very uderstanding and discreet. If you have any questions just ask the police who came (they probaly gave you a number?) they can put you in touch with womens services and such who will no exactly how to help you out and give you all the support and advice you need.
Do not feel guilty when it comes to the kids you have done the right thing by telling the police.
Lots of Love and Hugs and get onto the police for some numbers to call

As someone who's been through this and stayed in an abusive relationship for far too long I can tell you first off you've done the right thing unicorn!

Please don't take him back and make the same mistakes I did. One hit always leads to another and another...

Take it one day at a time. Can't advise on what to say to the kids, it depends on their age I guess. I agree with everything fussymummy says.

Tell the school asap. Even if your kids don't know what's going on their daddy isn't there anymore and this change might affect them in school so it's always better that the teacher knows (speaking as a primary teacher here).

Hi Unicorn I will cat you if you like. Have just emerged from an abusive relationship of many years with violence towards me and my kids and emotional abuse which still continues. I am better off out of it all but it has been a long slog and he fought back hard.

thanks all
steph,please do cat me.. any advice is very welcome at the moment...

Poor you.

My children were older and I asked them what they wanted said to the schools. Two of them were happy with a short letter saying we had divorced and the other school we just didn't tell. My ex husband was never a threat to the children by the way. The two do not always go together and nothing like as physically violent as usually counts as domestic violence so I was not really in your position.

If you think he might take the children from school then you need to make sure the school is aware of the issues and put that in writing. As their father he currently does have a right to see them etc. I don't know if you have any injunction making him keep away from you (or from both you and the children).