Reducing contact on a court order-allowed?

[ROZ12]

Hi all,

My DD started high school and is having issues with visiting her father. Its quite a demanding school and she is coping well but finds going to her dads tiring on a Thursday evening as she comes back at 7.15PM and she only manges to complete one subject of homework. By the time she comes back to mine and does her homework, bath and pack for next day, bedtime seems to be towards the 10pm mark, which is far too late. Her father doesn't seem to see the issue? Also previously her father used to take her to school Mondays but now he drops her off at mine so I take her to school, as he says it's too far for him which is complete lie.It alls tems from fact he never agreed to her high school choice. I've asked him to drop her back Sunday nights so she can get a good night's rest at mine, also can get an extra half hour sleep Monday mornings!! There is also the issue she doesn't get enough sleep at her dads as he has to share a single bed with her half sister. Dad doesn't want to hear about any of this and doesn't want nights reduced as CS will go up. Dad is self employed is working even Saturdays but not declaring income-that's whole another story.

Can I go to court to reduce contact, my daughter will speak for herself-is it worth it. I'm fed up of the tears that I keep facing, even in holidays like today DD did not want to go to her fathers. She hate sharing bed with half sister, the tiredness and inequality as dad pays for half sibling school fees and not hers. She also mentioned she hates that Im missing form that house and her half siblings and cousins have there mum and dad together.

She won't mention these issues to father as she is too scared and wants me too. But everytime I say something she gets in trouble for talking about them to me. what should I do-court??? But will Judge reduce exiisitng contact order as it was technically set up for primary school years and when my DD didnt know any better??? Shouldnt there be a review when highs school starts?

Advice needed.

Thanks

I would have thought you can seek to change the contact based on the sleeping arrangements alone. Sharing a single bed is not conducive to a good sleep as you say. I would have thought overnight contact would mean there is a proper bed available, especially as she's getting older.

As for Thursday, could she do her homework there, as once she gets home is too late.

I'm sure you could go back to court. First though, you need to put all your concerns in writing to your ex, and your suggestions as to how best to sort these out. The court would prefer to see you've tried everything before resorting to them.

He doesnt want to know!

She only manages to do one subject she gets there 5.30 eats tea and does one subject.

No time to fifnish she is on her way back and getting ready at 6ish.

If you feel that the arrangements aren't in your DD's best interests the proper procedure is to:

a) Organise mediation with your ex to establish the way forward and come to an arrangement.

b) Take the matter to court for a variation if you can't come to an agreement.

The court will then make an order it feels is in the best interests of your DD. That may include a `wishes and feelings' report composed by CAFCASS where her point of view is asked or it may be a Section 7 where you, your ex and your DD are all spoken to.

If you unilaterally change the order you are breaking it. You say that provision should be made for your daughter as she grows and I would agree with you. In my experience as a McKenzie Friend many orders seem to be drafted without any foresight for the future - making orders for babies that most definitely won't be appropriate in the future forcing the matter back in court.

It's why when I get involved in drafting orders I work on the principle that it should be the last time you'll be back in court.

I'm really interested in this post. The court has just drafted an order following my XP request for increased access. The result was unjust, not in the best interests of our son and quite shocking - to the point where my solicitor was gob smacked and said it was unprecedented. I've not got much choice other than to follow it and go back in x amount of time if it's not working and request that it is amended. However, at what age does your child's wishes get taken into account?

I'd of thought with ROZ12 if her daughter doesn't want to go then surely she doesn't have to? Surely you cant force a child who doesn't want to stay at their absent parent's house to stay there?

It's on a sliding scale akp. The older they are, the more weight will be given to their views.

Can you not appeal? What was not in their best interests?

I don't really want to hijack someone else's thread, but XP has alcohol issues and is untrustworthy. He lives 3 hours from us and DC is only 2, he went for everything in court and got what he wanted. I had never denied visits and was prepared to move things to overnight but in a phased approach to get DC used to the new home, new area, journey, new children etc. he was given everything as of the following weekend. This is a very shortened version of everything. All I can do now is hope DC does adapt easily and if he doesn't then I can return to court and request an amendment. It's already having a negative effect on DC though.

That's really sad. Was a Cafcass report done? I thought they usually suggested a gradual increase. I hope your DC don't struggle with it too much. The courts really do get it horribly wrong sometimes.

Yes CAFCASS were involved but they just took the extract that there were no safeguarding issues and went from there. XP is a pathological liar, lied in court, made out that I was just suggesting these phased approach because I was bitter and unpleasant and the magistrates (which effectively are just 3 everyday people) concluded that he was an honest and genuine man. I don't care about anything, just about what's right for DC. The plan is tough on him and he's finding it tough already. XP also got 3 straight weeks in summer holidays and half of all other hols even though he only gets 2 weeks off work and my DC will end up being looked after by his partner and not even his dad. It's all crazy.

It's terrible that there's just no consistency in the family courts. And magistrates are just awful sometimes. One on our case fell asleep!

How interesting. I also had a bad experience in family court with magistrates recently. It didn't seem possible to complain - they really were incompetent. There was no interest in the child.