Do you have a go to person when it all gets a but much?

[18yearstooold]

I'm feeling quite lonely

Having major, or what feels like major troubles with my 13 year old

Her dad doesn't want to know

It's not something I can talk to my parents about

I'm feeling totally alone and overwhelmed

sounds very hard work. I am dreading that age. is there a teens bit onmumsnet. (i tend to pretend that mine are not going to be big smelly stroppy teens ever. )

Just call Family Lives, if you can get through that is. They are helpful!

What's the actual problem OP?

Don't want to go into details as its quite delicate but her unhappiness is coming out as mood swings aggression followed by limpet like clingy ness

She's also occasionally refusing school

I'm getting her all the help I can but I need someone or an outlet for me

You could try your GP and ask to be referred to a child psychologist.

I'm not at all knowledgeable but am going through a similar thing with my own DD and have discussed it with one of my friends qualified to deal with this kind of transition from childhood to womanhood. Her take on it is that it's unfortunately quite normal and generally points to low self-esteem, particularly in girls.

Someone like Family Lives would probably be able to guide you with some coping strategies for both yourself and your DD but there's no harm in getting yourself on a waiting list to see a professional face-to-face.

It's so hard not to take what she's probably saying to you personally and it's even harder not to bite back with a bit of her own medicine but walking away from those arguments is definitely the best to avoid longer-term resentment in you both.

I've had everything from "you're trying to live your life through me" to "you snatch every opportunity to be happy away from me". It hurts even more when you know you've always done your absolute best for them.

Pick your battles OP and try to encourage her through hugs (gritted teeth allowed!) and support. There's lots of stuff out there on the web to assist with self-esteem issues and there's always someone on MN to help you through your anger and sadness.