ex demanding I collect the kids from his contact.

[HowamIgoingtocope]

Ok. My ex has regular contact with the kids. Both in the week.for tea and every other weekend. Recently we agreed I would collect the kids temporarily on a Tuesday eve as he had arranged an appointment after contact. I dis this for three weeks and monitored the kids. They became very unsettled as we had no.downtime etc. I then emailed the ex and told him I could no longer do this pick up and he would have to.arrange ( after his 10 days away) alternative arrangements. He's now gone ballistic saying I said this would be preferable ( I work over the other side of town) which I did not. He said it was normal procedure to share logistics of the kids with joint care ( kids live with me bar every other weekend) and I should share picking them up. At no point in the past 3 years has he questioned this. I'm fuming as he is making me doubt myself. I barely get time to myself and if I have to pick them up it means me leaving 40 mind before they need to be collected to get there on time when it is him that made arrangements in the first place. He has also said I should pick them up on the Sunday of his contacthe at 9 am when he drops them at my mums, regardless of the fact I have continually said to him he can have them till tea as they would love to spend more time with him.

At my wits end. Feel like I'm being forced into a corner. I've been separated 3 years and he still dictates when and how he will see the kids. He changed the access right after the nici was issued.

Thoughts please

Me

In the eyes of the court it's up the absent parent to collect and drop off ie in your case HIM.

Tell him if things arnt going well that you'll go to court that is usually enough to make them jump but if it isn't a court order isn't overly expensive and sets everything in stone making it easier on everyone and especially the kids as they know when they are coming and going xx

I have to say all the legal advice I have had has been that 50:50 travelling is very common.

I would have done it at the start. But he's changed the arrangements after three years. My solicitor has said it's not uncommon but it's his contact a judge would more or less say he sorts out the arrangements
I've never withheld contact apart from the first 8 weeks for my sanity. He's chopped and changed and cancelled and postponed as he wishes and frankly.I'm fed up of it.

There are no hard and fast rules for who drops off or collects children for contact.

A court order isn't overly expensive LBL? The OP could end up with a judge who tells her that she has to collect and the animosity going to court creates just isn't worth the hassle!

Not sure what you mean by changing his access rights after nisi OP. He doesn't have rights, the children do. That's how I manage with my ex - ignoring his stupid and selfish actions and thinking about the benefits for the children.

Out of the huge amount of separated parents I come into contact with (via work) all apart from 2 who have 50:50 travel orders also have 50:50 care. Of the 2 who don't its mainly due to the RP being the one who moved a long way away and setting the precedence.

You can get real life legal advice from the children's legal Centre I forget off the top of my head what its called but google will tell you.

The problem you have is he could just refuse to transport them back

He doesn't have 50:50 care he sees them for one weekend a fortnight overnight and one or two nights for tea. These are his choice he dictated them. The problem has arisen as he has arranged something big. After contact and now experts me to go there because he is too busy to bring them back and has to be elsewhere. That's a better way of putting it.

My ex tried this one and he doesn't have overnight contact. I told him that it was his choice to move where he did (ie further away), that I do overnights so he does the traveling. I didn't hear another peep about it.

Don't doubt yourself, it's not convenient for you and its not good for your DCs. He does the travel. If this is inconvenient on a Tuesday why not swap the night to a Wed or Thurs?

I've suggested. This, change to a Monday as that fits in with the kids schedule or dropping off early. Or even though it is not in the childrens interest complete cancelling. All he seems to be bothered about is me sharing the travel. I have cometh the conclusion if the arrangements don't suit him he's right and I'm wrong. None of this has anything to do with me and the travel it's ensuring the children see him and he organises the alternatives as he made the appointment not me. I need to reply by next week. No matter what I say I'll be wrong.

He's pushing the boundary from none, to temporary, to permanently. This is a powerplay on his part with his goal for you to do half the travelling. Stick to "no". He cannot force you to do this. As you do all the morning/bedtime/school routines (bar his weekend) then adding travel means more stress for you. The only one who benefits is him. Stick to your guns.

"No, that doesn't work for me"

What's he going to do, take you to court for fixed contact? Well I'm sure that would suit you fine as trying to work it out between you hasn't worked has it.

Ivereplied he's not doing himself any favours as I'm currently on day 16 with not having any over night breaks due to him having too much work to have them apparently.

If the kids are going to get to hear about this in any way I'd personally choose to suck it up and do the drive. This is the kind of thing in my opinion that will create so much resentment it's just not worth the drama.

Of course it would be nice if he'd do the driving considering how you do all the work, but if it's going to create arguments it's not worth it.

hes had my response and im sticking to it , this is water under the bridge compared to some of the things hes done.