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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

"Don't let him see her"

10 replies

Rosie28 · 08/10/2014 10:13

Need some advice regarding maintenance and access.

Ex partner sees 1 year old daughter twice a week, he's let her down a few times in the past and doesn't always stick to agreed times.
I made an application to Child Maintenance Options and they said he had to pay on the first of every month. He hasn't paid a penny because he claims he has no money. He also claims to have called CM Options to explain this to them yet it turns out he hasn't so I called them.
He doesn't appear to be taking it seriously, when I ask him about it all I get is "Lol" and "get off my case"

So my family and friends say I shouldn't let him see her until he starts to pay, takes it seriously etc.

Is it the right thing to do? I don't want to use my child as a weapon but I don't know what else to do. He's just laughing at me!

OP posts:

Enb76 · 08/10/2014 10:21

Unfortunately, the fact he doesn't pay any money doesn't mean he can't see his child. However you can try and get the money directly taken from his pay check. Talk to the CSA.

TurquoiseCat · 08/10/2014 10:28

You cannot legally stop your daughter from seeing her father, as this is one of her rights in law.

CSA would take 15% of any wage he has coming in, but if he's not working and won't give savings, there's not much you can do.

Of course, all of this is presuming he is on the birth certificate - it will every difficult to get CSA if he isn't (not impossible, but difficult).

jacks365 · 08/10/2014 10:33

The father does not need to be on the birth certificate to claim maintenance. It makes no difference unless he also denies paternity and insists on a DNA test which long term will just put up costs for him. If he denies paternity it will delay them being able to enforce collection but arrears will be building in that time.

Original poster

Rosie28 · 08/10/2014 11:18

He is on the birth certificate and he also has a full time job. CM Options are dealing with the case, I have spoke to them and told them he hasn't paid.

OP posts:

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 08/10/2014 11:22

Its not about him seeing her, its about her seeing him. Please facilitate a relationship between them, for your daughters sake, unless her emotional or physical wellbeing is at risk.

STIDW · 08/10/2014 12:04

I hope the CSA or Child maintenance Service sort out child maintenance but contact and child maintenance are separate issues. Children of separated families often have long term problems emotional and behavioural problems because their family doesn't have enough money and/or because they are insecure about the relationship with one of their natural parents.

It's bad enough the father not paying child maintenance if he can afford it without you making the situation worse for the child by denying any contact. YOu need to be the bigger person. As Gandhi said an eye for an eye will make the whole world blind. What children really need is at least one parent to forget about "who is right and who is wrong" and put their interests first.

starlight1234 · 08/10/2014 14:06

You are doing the right thing continuing access. I struggle with why a NRP doesn't want to pay for the own child.

You need to get CMS to chase it. If it is like the CSA which I have not heard anything to suggest it is any different just a different name that will charge for collecting payments. Chase weekly what they are doing about it.

Original poster

Rosie28 · 08/10/2014 20:40

CM Options are very helpful and they keep regular contact with me to let me know what is going on.
They have told me they have tried to contact him yet he tells me he has has no phone calls. So what do I believe?
I know I'm doing the right thing by keeping up access as I am trying to be the bigger person.
But there are certain family members who are very opininated and call me pathetic! I'm at my wits end!

OP posts:

BertieBotts · 08/10/2014 20:44

Yep, you'd be punishing her by keeping him away for him not paying which isn't fair. Try explaining it to them that way? She wants to see her dad and she's a baby who has done nothing wrong.

Don't chase him though. CMS are totally ridiculous but keep following them. Just don't ever rely on any money you get from him to live on, treat it as bonus money, you won't know if he'll suddenly stop paying, some men even quit their jobs to get out of it

Noregrets78 · 08/10/2014 23:39

CM Options are the 'gateway' who encourage you to sort it amongst yourselves... Have they referred you onto the CMS (which is the new version of CSA.) If you're still at the CM Options stage, you need to be really clear that you want to go through the CMS route. Only from the date you apply to CMS will this be enforceable. They're the ones who will be able to deduct it from his salary if he doesn't pay - including back dating it, but only back to the date you apply.
HTH, and apologies if that's already the stage you're at!

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