How do you cope?

[cakepopbakeshop]

I'm a single mum, I am glad that I am, but sometimes it's just so hard. We've moved into a new village a few months ago and don't any practical support network here. Though I have friends to talk to on the phone, I have no family whatsoever, no contact with DCs' fathers and don't know anyone locally yet more than to say hello to.
I have had a crashing migraine type headache with nausea for most of today. It could well be plain dehydration as we've had the fire lit and I tend to forget to drink anything but cups of tea. Or else side effects from flu shot a few days ago. Either way, have felt grim and it was all I could do to defrost and heat some chicken soup for the children's tea.
I've been commanding the 4 yr old to look after and entertain the 2 yr old from my bed, falling asleep whenever I could (feel utterly exhausted with it) and waking up only when there's too much screaming and crying - to bark more orders from my bed / cajole from my bed etc.
I am dreading getting sick over the winter as just don't know how I would cope.
Thankfully the headache has eased enough for me to write this and, both DCs now asleep, I now have to do approx 4 hours work as I work from home and am behind, having needed an early night last night and taken last night off.
Few days ago I was actually feeling like I was coping admirably.
Today, if I am totally honest, I feel like ringing the Samaritans!

maybe I will have to ring the Samaritans. No-one around? I hope yous are all having rather than a paracetamol and night-shift like me!!

Thanks Mini

Poor you, I'm on my own with 2 year old twins, I've been so ill the past three days I don't know how I have made it to Saturday! DT's are ill as well. Yesterday we all went to bed together at 4.30pm I couldn't cope any more.

Have you thought about trying to get a Homestart volunteer? I have one she is fab and is the only reason I managed to get through Thursday.

When I'm ill I find if I can go to sleep for a few hours when DT's go to sleep it recharges the batteries just enough to keep going. Also enforced naps. It doesn't matter if they're not tired we're all going to bed. I give one of them my phone the other my ipod and try and sleep. Generally they will doze off.

Is there a child friendly church near you? You might meet some nice people who you may be able to call on for help.

Other than that not sure what else you can do. Its foul being on your own when you're ill.

Hi Cake...hope you feeling better tonight? You say you have fire lit...do you have adequate ventilation? carbon monoxide detector? Headaches and feeling as you do could be because of fire? just a thought x

You are ill can you not tell work that and forget about the 4 hours? I really feel for you mine are older now so dealing with illness is easier (they can make themselves a butty if need be). Just hang in there you will feel better soon. And you'll cope again once more. But yes it's very hard when you've only got you to rely on. Easy meals for the kids and TV. Just make sure they're safe. The headache couldn't be linked to the fire could it I.e not having enough ventilation and getting carbon monoxide? Might be worth getting it checked?

Take care

Going to read and reply in chunks as brain still very fuzzy, sorry if I miss anyone out, will try not to.

McWeedie thanks, so sorry you have been poorly too. I try always to get out of the house and today had to stay in so DCs are not used to it but I had to rest. I have applied for a Homestart volunteer, just to have someone to help or to contact would be such a big help...

legohouse and Achoo we do have a detector, I must press the test button to check it is working.

Achoo thanks. I am getting through the work. I am self-employed, I really need to do it or will lose contracts etc. from this agent. It will be ok now the children are asleep but I am sure the stress of knowing it had to be done has made me more shouty than I needed to be today, and probably didn't help the headache either!

Indians thanks too, it is nice to have some support on here. I have people I can chat too, shoulders to cry on etc. it is the practical support that is totally lacking as we have moved to a rural area far from anyone we know and not yet made friends, though if totally desperate I would just knock on doors!

Someone help me get thru the last hour of work please!

Hope you managed to get your work done and get some sleep.

You probably are doing a fantastic job but when you are ill it is just about survival , get through. I caught a sickness bug off my son a couple of weeks ago. Next morning he was fine, wanted to eat normally. When he wanted lunch I dragged myself off the sofa to think what food smelt the least, he was delighted with the very nutrition lacking meal I provided courtesy of the microwave.He isn't malnourished he just had to occupy himself for the day. The TV is your friend in these circumstances.

If you are someone who doesn't drink enough get yourself a litre bottle fill it in the morning and make sure you drink it through the day.

Also find local parent toddler group if they have one. it is a great place to meet people. If there isn't one in your village look for a close one.

Hope you're feeling better today cake.

I'm feeling v overwhelmed today with homework, housework, grass cutting, badge sewing, trouser sewing, weekend away booking (lucky me!), shopping, dinner making, shopping for elderly parents to drop off, a 3ft pile of ironing and more washing to do.

Am feeling overwhelmed and resentful. Resentful of xh who just takes them for a few hours of fun and is only busy because of his multitude of hobbies, and resentful of ds's who are getting older and should be helping but are v messy and it's a battle to get them to do anything sometimes. Am surrounded by lazy men and I'm the skivvy that has to get everything done.

On top of that I'm fed up that despite all my efforts the house is usually a mess, the kids aren't doing that well at school (probably cos I end up helping them so much with homework) , I'm always forgetting things for school so must look like a shit parent, and I always look like crap cos I never spend any time on myself. It's very hard.

Feel better to have got that off my chest, and to have finalised my to do list, so now I'll get on with it!

Hope you are having a better day

Hi Cake, hope you're feeling a bit better today. Was thinking about you last night, from what you said I think you had a tension headache and you sound like you're dehydrated as well. I hope things have eased up a bit and sorry for not being around last night, was just so tired

Thanks everyone, I just checked in now and feel glad to hear from you all. I finally got the work finished around 1.30 AM but it was worth staying up as at least I can promise myself an early night tonight (though severe storm forecast!) and could just spend the day with the children.

The headache has gone off mostly but is still hovering abit, I definitely need to drink more (not ).

Achoo I am very bad at taking my own advice but do make some time for yourself today, do something you like for 20 minutes. Now I will try to make myself do that too - so far have baked 3 birthday cakes and loads of cake pops (living up to my name ) and gingerbread biscuits with DCs, done homework with DS, taken them to the park, bathed them, made cauliflower cheese from scratch, spent an hour looking for escaped kitten, luckily found her, played Duplo with DCs, about four hundred lots of washing up, painted an old coffee table as friend gave me some paint, made sandwiches....

Now I just hope they get off to sleep soon! I am in bed with them due to their fear of said storm and hoping to watch some TV later to unwind.

Wow you had a busy day yesterday but sounds like you had fun!

Thanks Achoo it was fun in a manic baking sort of way. Storm was pretty bad though so very little sleep and here I am not getting an early night again! How are you?

Well I have lived here 6 years and have NO practical support sometimes we just have to get on with it c'est la vie. However the neighbour used to help a lot with DIY but he appears to have run out of steam lol.

It appears in this region everybody relies on family members to assist and nobody is on their own like us so we are just left to it. Nobody is interested in doing any childcare swaps for evenings out either!

LushLush exactly same boat as me (the Titanic!!).

except for the neighbour bit, I don't even have that!

just have to plod on.

Bookmarking.....back in a bit.

Oh, the childcare swop myth drives me batty. I work 3 days a week so I don't have time to build up a 'network' of other parents to help. While I would drop everything (bar work) to help a friend I don't have time to have other children over, house is tiny and messy and we have activities 3 evenings a week.

Hi cake
I'm feeling more positive today. It's good to get back to work sometimes it's more rewarding than being at home where the jobs mount up as fast as you can clear them! I work full time so lots to do at weekend - I need to make more effort after the kids have gone to bed but the sofa/tv are too tempting most nights! Hope you are fully better now and catching up on zzzzs.

meg activity nights I think are the worst it's a mad rush to make tea and get them ready, drop them off then it's nearly time to pick them up (I try and squeeze in a very quick shop!). It has to be easier when there's two of you to share it all.

I just hope they appreciate us and the effort we all put in when they're older!