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Surrey children's services IM TERROFIED

31 replies

LittleBabyLucas · 01/10/2014 23:39

Last week it was decided by a panel of complete strangers that my babies are being EMOTIONALLY ABUSED by me leaving my ex because he raped me.

Is a child protection plan legally binding?
Can I get legal aid to fight this through court?
Has anyone else had problems with confidentiality being breached?
What is MARAC?

so much was incorrect in the section 47 report ie THE CHILDREN'S NAMES!!!!
Apparently I'm depressed and have mental health issues..... I have my medical notes in front of me and it say nothing like that.

I feel like I am being punished for having the guts to come forward to the police about the abuse I have suffered.

I just want it all over. I am a great mum and took my kids out of a potentially dangerous situation and I am being punished for it.

OP posts:
WhistlingPot · 01/10/2014 23:59

Didn't want to read and run.

Go see a solicitor with a good track record representing birth parents, you should get an initial consultation in any case and they will advise on legal aid etc. I would hope to god they haven't done away with it for people in your situation.

Get as much support and advice as you can from a variety of organisations.
Family Rights Group are good www.frg.org.uk/ and lots of advice on the CPR website www.childprotectionresource.org.uk/

starlight1234 · 02/10/2014 14:14

Sorry I know nothing about this area at all but maybe contact Womens aid for advise of where go next but Legal advise seems urgent here

BadabingBadaboom · 02/10/2014 14:17

Sorry this is happening.

Post in legal, they will be able to help.

CharlieBee · 02/10/2014 15:45

Hi OP, you must be feeling very upset and confused. MARAC relates to multi-agency sharing of information regarding domestic abuse. Your social worker should be willing to discuss all this with you and answer your questions. Also your health visitor can support you if your children are pre-school age. It sounds as though you have done absolutely the right thing in getting the children away from a dangerous situation - you obviously feel quite threatened by the panel etc, which is completely understandable. But for what it's worth (and I've never been in your situation) if I were you I'd be as open and honest and cooperative with your social worker as you can, so that they can see that you're trying to do your best by the children. Good luck x

Spero · 02/10/2014 16:04

Sorry you are going through this, I know it's very difficult and you may feel that you are being punished as a victim of abuse yourself.

But the LA will have to investigate, to make sure the children are safe. There might be some info on here that you will find helpful.

www.childprotectionresource.org.uk/category/investigation-and-referrals/

AnywhereOverTheRainbow · 02/10/2014 16:42

LittleBabyLucas

Wait, you went to the police and... Did they file a report against your ex? Just curious if I can help you, DV and rape survivor here, reported my ex too.

LittleBabyLucas · 02/10/2014 21:42

Thanks all.

Cp resources have been great.

Investigation into my ex is ongoing he's currently on bail as another person has also come forward and said he dud the same to her.

OP posts:
Spero · 02/10/2014 22:07

Bloody hell, I hope that means he won't be able to get off the hook for anything he has done.

It's going to be a really tough time but hopefully you can get through it with good support and I hope that soon it's just a bad memory.

WhistlingPot · 03/10/2014 07:35

Glad to hear you found cpr useful LBL.

I think it's fair to say knowledge is power in these situations, and sadly you will very likely come out an expert in a field you never thought you'd give a second moment to.

Really wish you lots of strength and that you find good people to help you get through this.

Flowers
AnywhereOverTheRainbow · 03/10/2014 11:14

@littleBabyLucas

That's good, I mean having another witness against your ex. Keep us updated. Glad to hear that CPresources were great.
Good luck x

AnyoneForTARDIS · 04/10/2014 17:25

so sorry OP this is happening to you.

I moved out of Surrey borough as the so called childrens/social services were the shittest in the world.

(as were a few other 'services)

I was also threatended with them taking DC away from mew because EX was abusing us both, not me, EX.

I really had a go at them.

the abusers get away with it and the abused are punished even more.

PLEASE get legal advice, they cant do this to you.

DC and I are better where we are now.

LittleBabyLucas · 06/10/2014 21:23

Well I've got a meeting with head of child protection surrey on Wednesday.

Please don't take this the wrong way at all but it seems like ss target council families and vulnerable families. My family are middle class I chose to live with my ex who's family have always been on benefits. I have always worked until the babies came along.

My family has got a legal team in place ready to hear the outcome of the meeting Wednesday as is tom hepworth who is a local reporter for bbc south.

I have asked to move back to Hampshire to be closer to my family but my ex has put a prohibitive steps order on me so I can't move the children out of surrey. I am of course fighting this through court.

Will keep you updated

OP posts:
Spero · 06/10/2014 21:50

I am surprised he got a PSO to stop you moving from Surrey to Hampshire, its not exactly a mammoth journey. Did the court who made that order know about his abuse of you? Is that the same ex?

Good family support is essential to get through times like this so it makes perfect sense for you to move nearer that support. you might want to have a think about trying to get that PSO discharged or varied.

If the ex who has the PSO is the same man as the man who raped you then I find it really disturbing he should be allowed to restrict your freedom of movement.

LittleBabyLucas · 06/10/2014 22:15

Yes its the same man. Every time I go out I have to drive past his mum's house where he is living now and I see his family almost everywhere I go

OP posts:
WhistlingPot · 06/10/2014 23:02

It sounds like you have very valid reason to request moving nearer family support and away from your ex and his family, not to mention the anxiety of being under the remit of a poorly performing LA.

What's the timescale like for getting the PSO challenged, and what is the children's social worker's position on this? Would they support it? I hope so.

LittleBabyLucas · 06/10/2014 23:29

Social workers don't support my move don't ask me why I I have no idea but child protection do support a move lol confused? I'm speaking with my solicitor tomorrow to see about challenging the pso

OP posts:
ChippingInLatteLover · 06/10/2014 23:32

Hopefully your solicitor can get lots of this sorted out for you Flowers

AnywhereOverTheRainbow · 07/10/2014 14:49

Not worried about your class status, more interested in how many rape and dv victims/survivors get blamed or even punished for reporting a crime, at the point that their children are in danger of being taken away from them.
Heck, it seems a no win-win situation for women!

Given that, in my time, I had to fight against a whole police force (serial rapists getting away with multiple rapes while victims were charged by police... My ex was one of them), do please keep us updated, crossing fingers for you.

It would also be nice to hear what rape crisis and Women's Aid England have to say about so many women reporting crimes and getting punished by police or social services.
It doesn't appear like a good way to encourage women to report :(

WhistlingPot · 07/10/2014 17:15

I hope it went well today LBL and that it goes well tomorrow too.

I'd like to say I am aghast that social workers don't support a move yet cp does, but sadly it's all a bit too familiar. I hope you and they can work something out quickly.

LittleBabyLucas · 09/10/2014 20:50

Right then! Complaint meeting went as expected so I pulled out the big guns and played back the conversation with cp that I recorded last week. Needless to say they were not impressed to be caught out!
Half of my complaint has been upheld.

Today's core group meeting, I've been told to continue doing everything that im already doing and the boys will be off protection at the next conference in December.

My social worker couldn't look me in the eye and was very offish with me.

The hv advised that she was speaking with the ex on a weekly basis and that apparently it is me who is holding things up in court. I just happened to have a copy of the contact order to hand which I had highlighted and annotated for just such a reason.

It proved that I was complying with everything ordered by the court.

The reps from my eldest son's nursery states that they had noticed a significant improvement In his behaviour and is growing in confidence daily since the ex left. Again another positive thing.

My family support worker confirmed that I was in fact already doing the freedom program online and studying the parenting puzzle at home. More positives for me.

So hopefully just 1 more core group to go next month then conference December and this farce should be over

OP posts:
Kundry · 09/10/2014 21:00

Glad to hear it. I hope you get some joy with the PSO and can move back with your family Flowers

NeedsAsockamnesty · 09/10/2014 22:55

I'm very glad things are looking up for you.

Please forgive me for jumping on your thread but it may very well help someone else who may be experiencing the same thing to understand why sometimes things like this happen.

Most mothers who flee abuse do so because they realise just how damaging domestic abuse is to their children its one of the main reasons given for finding the emotional resources to leave. Often the point of leaving (or saying help me I need to leave) will be the first time they have openly admitted they are experiencing abuse or been open about its impact.

This sets in a chain of events usually started by a referral to children's services by the agency you approach for help sometimes this will just prompt a letter saying "we have a report of a DV incident,we are not taking any action at the moment but please call of you want to" sometimes it results in a phone call or visit. It would be quite usual even expected (and desirable) to offer supportive intervention to a victim of rape and DV. The vast majority of the time this support is very useful to the family.

Sometimes there may be a concern that the none violent parent is unable to protect the children from the violent parent or from witnessing further abuse or that the none violent parent is so traumatised by the abuse they need more intensive support.again this support is usually a good thing.

It can be very frightening but in the vast majority of cases it really is just a case of offering help,support and guidance during a very stressful emotional recovery.

There are a few things anybody in this situation can do to really help themselves and make it clear to children's services that they are not at risk of returning to the abusive situation and exposing their children to emotional harm and physical risk. Things like obtaining protection orders (or trying to),
cooperating with the police if needed. Engaging with the social worker and other advised sources of help, not communicating with the abuser or meeting up with them,the freedom program,being aware of security.specialist support from a respected organisation.(either face to face or otherwise)

And as odd as it sounds a respected parenting program can be very useful. Even if you are a experienced parent one of the aspects of DV is the very effective grooming that is a part of it and without you even noticing it can really effect how you parent.

Avoiding seeking a new relationship until you have completely emotionally healed and are able to identify early warning signs is also helpful.

Of course real life quality respected legal advice and keeping accurate records and relevant paperwork is IMO vital.

The cp resources site is incredibly useful.

Whilst the vast majority of SW follow the rules and are decent sensible people they are human beings and as such just like any other group of people some may make mistakes and some may be arses. Please don't let fear of them put you off seeking support. Without a doubt the single most effective method of removing the risk of abuse to your child if you are experiencing domestic abuse is to leave and do it safely a woman is significantly more at risk of serious harm at the point of leaving and shortly after than at any other time.support to do this from qualified professionals will usually make it much much safer.

Over the years the vast majority of my service users who either have no intervention or very limited intervention from CS are the ones who actively seek support and take the steps this op has without delay or without needing it to be arranged by CS.

WhistlingPot · 09/10/2014 23:25

Well done LittleBabyLucus, hopefully you will have this ordeal over with by Christmas. Flowers

LittleBabyLucas · 10/10/2014 19:33

Thank you all for you comments and support! My friend reckons I should write a book about it all lol.

I will post if anything else happens I really hope no one else ever has to go through this but we all know that's not going to happen!

OP posts:
Spero · 10/10/2014 22:02

good to hear you are moving forward positively op. hope it is onwards and upwards from here on.

Sock, would you be ok if I cut and pasted your comment for our DV section on the CPR site?