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3 replies

triathlonmum · 22/09/2014 22:45

We separated in April. At the moment we split weekends and he has children one night midweek. I have requested the midweek becomes sch pick up til bedtime as they are not coping well with the back and forth between houses and get tired for school. He reacted badly to this, even though all he will miss is them being asleep and having breakfast the next morning. I also suggested he has slightly more time in holidays which would be easier as children more relaxed etc. They are 9 and 11 and have told me they would rather see Dad but not have too many overnights there as they like to come home.

He is now threatening court etc and saying he wants much more time with them. I am filled with dread. I have always been their main carer and when he lived with us he was very disinterested in spending time with them (always on the golf course). It is good that he is taking an interest but he is also using this to get at me (and reduce his maintenance payments).

I am struggling to get through day to day at the moment as so worried about this. Does anyone have advice/experience...even if it is just advice on how I can accept and deal with the fact they will be away from me so much more?

OP posts:
starlight1234 · 23/09/2014 13:17

It is tough, have you thought about mediation.

I am sure 11 is the age they say courts consider kids wishes.

I think you are jumping the gun. 50 /50 care is not the norm. don't panic. I would suggest to him you try it again when they are a little older rather than it isn't happening that way there wishes will be taken into account.

There is something that sits with my as very wrong when a parent who hasn't bothered suddenly wants access and the parent who has done all the care simply has to cope with the loss. Although I do accept that a parent becoming interested is a good thing

triathlonmum · 23/09/2014 21:26

Thank you starlight1234 feeling a little better. Hard not to panic and your final paragraph really resonates - that's where I am facing the loss (he was the one who walked out too).

OP posts:
starlight1234 · 23/09/2014 22:35

I remember supervising my Ex's contact at soft play. he said how nice it was ( I would rather have not been there) as I pointed out to him had we still been together I would of been there on my own he wasn't interested.

He now is so interested in my son he hasn't seen him in years

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