This could turn into a long one so Im sorry in advance, not even sure what Im after whether it be advice or opinions or just to get it out!
My ds is now 4 yrs old, me and his dad split up when he was 2 months old, we had a very traumatic birth, lots of hospital stays, he couldn't cope and went back to live with his mum! For his first year of his life my ds spent more of it in hospital than at home, I was the only one of his parents who stayed overnight with him, ex-p never offered, when he came in to visit, never stayed long, gave no help or anything. I learnt to cope alone basically. When ds wasnt in hospital ex-p would have ds from fri - sun at his mums, I know his mum did alot of the care for ds back then. I also get the impression this arrangement went on longer because ex-p's parents where pushing him to keep in contact!
I moved 30-40 miles away when ds was 2, I made every effort to still get ds down to see his dad, which would often involve long train and bus journeys, all paid for by me, the odd occasion ex-p and his dad would drive up to collect him. Ex-p then met someone else round about the time on ds's 3rd birthday, didnt tell mejust brought her along to a party I had organised and paid for!! Not that I was bothered i too had moved on.
Few months later ex-p's new GF fell pregnant - this is when the troubles really started, up to now we had a few cancelled weekend but ds still enjoyed seeing his dad and his family.
Round christmas time, ex-p informed me he could no longer afford extra money for ds as he had " a new baby on the way" I was devastated, how could he turn his back on his first born, specially after we nearly lost him. Took ds away to see my family over christmas and ex-p and I came to an understanding that he would collect ds from my house at 3pm on a certain date (28th dec if i remember rightly) I didnt happen, he showed up 3 hours early in the main town centre and demanded that i go down there with ds and meet them, because GF was pg and couldnt possibly go any further on a bus.It got a bit heated, i told him GF didnt have to come if she was uncomfortable as ds is his son not hers, he told me I was jealous because she was pg! She threatened to "kick my head in" all kinds of language coming out of them, so I refused to go, i didnt want my son seeing that all going on, told them they may as well go home! DS has seen them a handful of times since. I moved closer back to them (to be near my mum once my relationship at the time didnt work out) he still couldnt be bothered, dragged us through the court for over night visits and the hole total over overnight visits from dec 05 till July 06 was 2, maybe 3, there was alot of cancelled weekends. ex-p even moved house without telling me or ds where he was, i tried to drop off a fathers day card this year to be told by one of his neighbours he had moved! I went to his mothers to be greeted with snotty looks and sly comments, no thankyou or nothing, so I put my foot down and stopped making the effort to get ds down there!
I have been with my new dp for almost 2 years now, have recently moved 200 miles away from the north west to south wales. We have baby number 2 on the way and apart from the odd text from ex-p we have heard nothing!!! He didnt stick to his court order! Ok so i didnt tell him we was moving, it was all very rushed, i was on bedrest and tbh couldnt do with the hassle that comes everytime i go down there! I did however inform him by letter, telling him i would be happy for his to see ds whenever he wanted, there are a lot of hotels round here, or when i go back up north to visit my mum so long as he comes to ds and not the other way around. Told him when he gets photo's done I will send them to him, gave him my mobile number and my home number so he can ring, hasnt rung once! I so mad at him for doing this to ds. All his family slag me off to high heaven because he doesnt see ds, but what more can i do, ive given him chance after chance more often than hes picked ds up Ive have taken him down there! I just kept doing it, i know it was stupid and i should have put my foot own earlier but i feel so sad that my ds has seemed to have now lost all contact with his real father. DP is great with him and I know he's excited to be involved in this babys life - hes only seen his brohter from his dads side a handful of times, they didnt even want ds at his christening for christs sake!
Ok so Ive rambled for long enough, recently found out ex-p has stopped paying child maintenece too to top it all of he is just an arse isnt he? should i try and let go of all this and move on with my ds and our "new family" or should i keep trying to keep the contact going??
Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.
Feeling Sad for my little boy!
julezboo · 26/09/2006 12:40
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.