Crazy commuting idea to improve our lives?

[Mummy321]

Hi,

I'm a single working mum (work 4 days) with 2 kids. I live in london. My parents are 2 hours away. I do all the childcare- mornings, evenings, nights, my Friday off and weekends, except every other weekend when ex has kids 24hrs on sat-Sunday.

I am fed up doing it all on my own, struggling to make ends meet, my ex manipulating me, the negative memories all around me. I've done it alone for 9 months so given it a fair shot.

I would find it hard to get a job in my industry out of london, and I earn a reasonable amount which would drop dramatically out of london.

So (crazy?) idea is to move in with parents for 12/18 months, save money for deposit (also have some savings), ask to work one day from home (but really try work into evenings on other days (as I can as don't have to rush home) so have little as poss to do on home day) and work in london mon - weds, and stay with friend 2 nights. My kids would therefore stay with grandparents 2 nights without me. I would save 1,500 month on house costs and reduce childcare by £800, (i think!)

Is this a crazy idea?

I think my parents would be generally happy with this. My eldest would be in school and I'd did put youngest in nursery for 2 or 3 days, so I wouldn't expect granny to do all the childcare.

I guess with this plan there is no end date for grandparents covering me for 2 nights, even if we move out after 12/18 months (but think we'd have to have an end date to living all together!)

Will this ever work? I'm trying to do what's best for my kids, and me. And it would benefit my grandparents and other family nearby. The kids would get a lot of good influences from my parent, and they would be there to support for me. The kids would have me nearly 4 full days a week! Plus I get 6.5 weeks a year off, so I can use that sensibly.

[Of course I'd be taking them from father, but he expects it (sooner!) and he would still visit regularly, and possibly commit more time to them]

Has anyone done this or similar?

Do what you need to for your family sounds like it could work medium term, could you change jobs once you have saved up?

It sounds great. Their father has no say ... 24 hours bi weekly?

If that works for you, nod you can do it, then why not? As long a s you have a contingency for family illness etc? I wouldn't even concern yourself with an ex who has them 1 day a week.

Good luck. It must be damned hard and London makes it harder from my limited knowledge as everything is so crazy and £££.

Ah thanks. I'm not too crazy by initial views posted then!

Yeah I've been thinking of extra study/training (takes a coupe years) so I could move sideways, and therefore more options to work out of london.

TMM 1 day in 14. His choice...

I know I'll miss the kids on those nights/mornings, but just now we get 1 hour (rushed) in morning and 30 mins (younger child)/1 hour (older child) time in eve.

London rents and childcare are a nightmare....

Sounds good if it works out think the concern would be the friends 2 nights a week. I think considering london rents/ Mortgage Would you pay them anything also contingency plan if that doesn't work out. As living with someone a couple of days a week can really not work sometimes.

I did something very similar for a year or so. I spent 2 days in London, so my DS stayed a night with my parents. It worked for us!

Family support can be amazing, and you need to do what you think will be best in the long run.

yes, you need to pay the friend for 2 nights otherwise it could lead to a lot of resentment.

what's the longer term plan? if the extra training will take 2 years, then this isn't a 12-18 month plan...

because even if GPs still have the DC for 2 nights after you move out, would you be able to drop them off at school/nursery on the Monday morning and still get in to work on time?

Will GPs be doing the drop-offs whilst you live with them, and will they be ok with this part of childcare?

I think it is a good plan, with the hope that your ex is on board with the arrangements for contact.

There is a website for Monday to Friday room letting. Maybe you could do this some weeks and friend the other weeks?

Sorry I meant staying with my parents for 12/18 months to settle in where they live (I'm not from there) and save money, then move out locally ie buy my own place there. I'd still be reliant on them 2 nights until I could improve my prospects to get a decent job locally - that would take a couple of years from now, I'm guessing, so perhaps a further 12 months I'd need the kids to stay 2 nights with them.

I guess my thought is that Kids with GPs from 7am Monday until 8pm weds. So the kids would sleep at theirs 2 nights (mon and tues) but GPs " in charge" eg nursery and school drops and pick ups for 3 days. This would be for 12 months while we stay with them and say 12 months after we leave...

I know it's a lot to ask and a massive compromise, but hopefully short term, and I really want to get out of london and away. And I know they want us closer. Of course I have to bring this up with them, I'm just thinking it all through first.

Yeah I would pay my friends for staying. I know some would appreciate the extra money. In reality I'd be working late (to make up time) so probably only there 9pm and leave by 730am. I was thinking of perhaps alternating who I stay with, but all just thoughts at this stage.

Gianpurple that's great it worked for you! I'm so pleased to hear that someone has made it work! Who did you stay with in london? Any tips for making it work with GP ?

I have had the same job for 8 years now, pays well, however not what I want to do, but there are lots of positives. It's close, familiar, get along with people, manageable, mainly flexible. I've been invited for a second interview for a post which is full time, professional with a 35-40 minute commute each day. There are opportunities in this new post, salary higher..
At the moment I do school run, walk every day, have time to myself before starting work in the afternoon. I do get tired finishing at 10pm and would like a more 'normal' routine. I'm scared to make a move if I get offered new job. Would have to drop ds to before school club and also after school. I don't have much support.. I'm sure I could do the new job but worry I can handle everything.. But if I don't make a move I may be missing out on good career. I'm late 30s so think it's the right time? Any advice?

Oops sorry, was supposed to create new thread! Argh..