divorce and split of assets

[newmummy470]

Hi. Does anyone have any experience they could share?
Split with my husband due to his infidelity.
We're both 32, been together since 16, married for 4 years and have a 6 month old baby.
Property with mortgage in my name, although I know the law sees this as a joint asset.
He earns about £33k, whereas I earn £19k coz I only work 3 days to look after our baby.
He has a occupational pension I have a small personal pension.
Her moved out but wants me to either buy his share of house out (there's only about £15k equity in house before selling costs)
I have no cash to give him. Or he wants me to sell it. I really don't wanna sell, because I wouldn't get another mortgage, it would be no cheaper to go into rented. I love our home, it's ideal.
And what about everything in house like the washer, fridge etc. Hes saying he wants half but I can't afford to replace. And I need them for our baby.
Solicitor suggested I give up my right to his pension to prevent him having house, but he won't agree to that.
He also wants baby 3 days a week. I feel that's t ok much, but have offered him 2= he's living at his mum's
Please help

From what I know of divorce law, it doesn't really matter what he 'wants'.

Have you had your free half hour with a solicitor - you mention a solicitor so it sounds like you have.

All these questions should be answered by your solicitor; have divorce negotiations started between your solicitors?

Yeh I've been to see a solicitor and they've suggested mediation. She says I'm in a strong position, but I still worry. just wonderig if anyone's actually gone through it and what the outcome was.
He makes me think sometimes that what he wants he can get, but he's very good with words!
Not actually started divorce proceedings yet, I'm scared it'll cost me a fortune if all he does is dispute everything I suggest. The solicitor did say to me that it's him that wants something from me so he needs to put his hand in his pocket.

I'm not the best person to advise as not been through it, but just wanted to reassure you that just because he says something, doesn't make it fact.

He will probably say many things to scare you and intimidate you (such as having 50% custody of your DC), but unless this is in the child's interest, it won't happen. Your husband is not the person the courts are interested in, it's your child and pretty much everything that happens in the divorce will happen so that your child's interests are met as well as they possibly can be. Since you're the primary caregiver at the moment, it's highly likely that will continue.

I'm sure someone more experienced will be along soon.

Thankyou. You're right, I think he does say things to try and scare me into what he thinks should happen

Have you sat down with your solicitor and done the sums? If you could afford to pay the mortgage allowing for the maintenance he should give you, perhaps a 'clean break' with you making no claim on his pension if he doesn't take any equity or household property might be a way forward.
Residency and child maintenance are a completely separate issue to the settlement of finances, go on the csa calculator to see what he should give you. Don't let him use it as a bargaining tool for the financial settlement.

Divorce settlements depend on the particular circumstances and you need independent legal advice to find out where you stand and what options there are in your particular circumstances.

With a short marriage it isn't just simply a case of taking away what you put in. The duration of the marriage is only one factor and there are several others in the s25 Matrimonial Causes Act 1973 checklist of factors which have to taken into account. Quite often the needs of the parties comes at the top or near the top of the checklist and trump over a short marriage. The priority is the welfare of children, in particular meeting their need for housing.

However the courts now consider the duration of the relationship (marriage + cohabitation immediately before.) So if you have lived together for a long time before and cohabitation moved "seamlessly" into marriage the relationship will be considered long. After a long relationship the aim is to leave both parties living at a similar standard to start independent lives.

Your husband could raise a mortgage of around £130k (salary x 4) whereas you can only raise £76k. Because there isn't a lot of equity and you are responsible for housing your child the majority of time for a number of years you may "need" all the equity.

As far as house contents are concerned they are shared, but it's usual to share according to needs. Again as you are responsible for housing your child you have more need for the white goods.

Thankyou lostdad.
I guess I'm just seeking abit of reassurance. My husband is very clever with words so he starts to make me think he's going to get exactly what he wants.
He's now starting saying that I should be bringing our daughter half of the time to his house for the days he has her. again I'm not sure, is he right?. Some people say its up to him. I don't mind helping out abit but I'm running a home and all the expense that comes with that whereas he's living virtually rent free at his mum's, oh and smokes 20plus fags a day.
I guess I should ignore him and just stick to the solicitors and let them deal with it.

No, OP, you don't go to him- he comes to you or a place of your choosing for handovers. Stand firm.
Anything he tries to dictate, respond with 'I'd rather things stay as they are at the moment - I'll check with my solicitor'. (Whether you actually ask your solicitor or not is up to you, but lets him know you're not going to go along with his every whim.)
That should be enough to deflect him.
Try to communicate by email or text as it doesn't allow him to have you on the back foot. You also get a paper trail as a bonus.
It sounds like you are very unsure at the moment, keep tapping into the wealth of experience that is Mumsnet.

I divorced with a similar salary to you and now have the mortgage in my own name. Have you spoken to your mortgage provider? I avoided doing this for ages but in the end they were really helpful. It took a long time to get things sorted but they agreed to a higher than usual salary to loan ratio and I extended the term of the mortgage to stay here.( I kept the white goods too!)

In our agreement made in mediation the initial deposit for the house (entirely put down by me) was deducted from the equity left after estate agent fees. The amount left over was then halved so I bought him out for £2k. Would this apply to you at all?

No unfortunately not, we both saved up half the deposit. I can afford the current mortgage repayments so that's not an issue.
I'm wondering whether I'll have to offer him a token £2k or something along those lines just to keep him happy. Then either offset rest of his equity against his pension or give it him when I sell house in the future, or once my daughter's 18