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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

upset & confused

7 replies

delli270 · 03/09/2014 16:37

My fiance left me and our 5 month old baby. We'd been together 4 years & rented a house together. I love him incredibly. He left a week ago but had spent a week previously at his parents now permanently & ended things with me.
Hes showing no emotion & wont talk about it only interested in asking for his things & when its his turn to see his son. I never asked for any of this & its so lonely when the door is shut living on my own. I just want to give up but my little boy keeps me going. Im so fed up :/

OP posts:
AnyoneForTARDIS · 03/09/2014 18:04

sorry, delli.

do you know why he left? what was the reason?

(You don't have to tell us, just a yes or no will do if you don't want to say)

I can empathise as I get the same.

Thanks
delli270 · 03/09/2014 18:23

He gave the reason as he was unhappy. We werent having sex & I new that bothered him. I think having a house bills and a baby got alot for him and he likes living with his parents again as its easier on him but I wish he would just talk to me to see if anything could be done. I just feel so upset & staying strong for my little boy but I have all the bills to sort and living in the house without him is hard.

OP posts:
AnyoneForTARDIS · 03/09/2014 18:40

Did you talk to him about the sex? I know just after having a baby they take up all your time and you just don't feel like any more on your plate.

Tired and maybe not feeling sexy. (talking about me here, not you!)

maybe he was feeling like he wasn't getting enough attention? (I had this with my ex) but he should be understanding and realise babies are 24/7 care and also help with baby.

or just didn't want responsibility of a baby.?

Im so sorry this is happening to you, Ive been through the same and its easier now DCs older (sometimes!) and can do a few things for herself.

Do you have anyone family or friends near that can help you? even so, he should be helping.

personally I wouldn't give him any of his things until he sorts the bills out. hope hes contributing financially.

I cant really do anything physically to help you but at leats some Brew and sympathy, get it off your chest.

we'll be around here for you.

delli270 · 03/09/2014 19:00

Im in the process of cancelling the bills in his name to mine but I rang the maintanence and they think he will only he paying me 10 a week which would only get a tub of milk but hes said he will give me a bit more what he can but hes not spoke for 2 days and I dont want to make it worse so ive not tried talking to him. Hes coming for his stuff tomoro but im going out I cant bear to be there. Just feel like hes made his mind up ive got to do as im told. He just expects to click his fingers n see our son though when he left me not the other way round. Just generally fed up of it and why me :/

OP posts:
AnyoneForTARDIS · 03/09/2014 19:27

Im not really good at advice just can only speak from experience but Id contact your local childrens services/ CAB for advice on contact and finances?

niceguy2 · 03/09/2014 23:47

Hi Delli. Firstly I'm sorry to hear about your situation. It's very hard at first and so soon after the split your emotions will of course be all over the place.

My advice to you is not to keep trying to start conversations with him about "Why?". Because that means you're being the needy one and putting him in the position of power. And no-one likes needy.

Instead in front of him you need to start pulling yourself together and show him that you've accepted his decision so you're going to start moving on.

You can do this by talking to him about putting routine into place for contact and a regular amount for maintenance.

Rule 1 of being a single parent is never to rely on your ex's money. Again it puts him in the position of power and he'll make you dance to his tune if he knows you're fucked without his cash.

That's not to say don't get money from him. Just don't rely on it to pay rent.

If he asks where you've gone just keep it vague like "I went out with friends"

Quite often he'll suddenly be interested again once he realises that instead of going down in flames and being the needy one that you are moving on. My ex did it to me. Wasn't interested until I moved on. Then suddenly she was.

Things will be difficult though when baby is so young. It's not like he can have him overnight easily so you will still have to see him a lot. But be strong in front of him and save any tears til you are alone.

Believe it or not things will get better and I would wager that eventually you'll actually enjoy being on your own without having to compromise for him.

AnyoneForTARDIS · 04/09/2014 09:08

That's good advice nice guy.

I did all the wrong things too when ex left, begging and needy and he really used his power over me, so OP, Id take that advice nice guy gave.

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