I am so lonely

[Bloodymidges]

It just seems like everyone else has a partner and someone to go home to. When my kids are at their Dads and I come home to an empty house I just feel like I am the last person in the world. How do you cope with this feeling..

My heart goes out to you, it really does. I know exactly how you feel, my 2 dd were at their dads for two weeks over the summer and I have never felt so low in my life. But you will get through it. Reach out to friends and family. Do some exercise. Clean out cupboards! Anything to keep your mind off it. You don't need to be alone x

I have felt like this in the past. II may not have the BEST advice, but what I did was;

Firstly, I tried to make plans with friends, even friends who weren't very close. I became everyone's friend. 'Hey want to come over one eve for a bottle of wine/film/game of monopoly one night?'

It wasn't always brilliant, sometimes I found I didn't get on with them that well-but I also found I really enjoyed chatting to some of them

Used the net a lot! I found online forums for things I was interested in (science, psychology,vegetarian recipes but any will do!), and became an active member.

I found a pay as you go gym and went to that, at least then by the time you're showered and home, the evening is less long.

I made 'dates with myself' when nobody was around. I'd go to bookshops and find a book, then find a nice pub or cafe and get myself a glass of wine or a coffee and just sit and read.

I chatted to people on fb.

I researched stuff online, broadening my knowledge of things which made me feel more confident.

I made a lot of telephone calls. I find friends don't do this as often as they used to!

I hope this helps, if it doesn't, maybe work out what WOULD help you and you may get soem more specific advice?

Thank you. Thank you very much. I am trying to put things in place to fill my time. I am trying. I will try harder x

I think a key thing is liking your own company. The above is how I achieved it, the 'self dating' learning that it can be pleasant to sit alone in a nice atmosphere,be comfortable and confident with yourself the educating myself improved my confidence, the forums reminded me who I was and what I liked. The inviting people round for a night in meant I had to make an effort, tidy up, be bubbly and good company for them and for me. Lots of them returned the invite, even those in couples.

Self-improvement may be a bit 'woo' to some but It's wonderful, really. It helps you be happy with yourself, BY yourself and it also makes it easier to make friends and be good for others, It's win win.

However I am still searching for a passion or hobby I can be passionate about. I'm not a miserable person, I just don't like anything that much that I want to throw myself into it and 'become' it KWIM?

Yes - to like your own company is important. To quote the corny jargon 'be your own best friend' - quite an invaluable thing to keep in mind really.

HTH.

Would it help to get a dog as I am thinking of getting one in the spring. They are such great company. I really miss having one. I was just worried about the long walks. Greyhounds are good as I have been researching this and they only need 20 mins. twice a day. I plan to get one in the spring as I can't afford one just yet, but it is something for me to look forward to! I work at home alone and it is so lonely and isolating I think it will do me the power of good. That way when the children are away you at least have the pet to cuddle and hug and spend time with and talk to!

I was going to get one in September but I just hit somebody's passenger door and I think I need the money for that right now. Always something !

Perhaps worth thinking about Bloodymidges I hope this is helpful?

I would love a dog, but with 3dc, a cat, working full time and rented accommodation I fear it would be a bit too much. I guess I'm down so much because it's my birthday on Saturday and the first after my marriage breakdown. It's a big trigger point. I try to keep a game face on at work, but it is very difficult. I am trying to seek validation from myself rather than from others, trying to make plans and enjoy my own company. BUt I just don't. I cry most nights. My 2 close friends have been wonderful, but I don't want to draw on them too much, they have their own lives and problems.

I'm hoping that time will be a healer. That I will get used to my situation and that I will be happier in time and that the pain will lessen. I am trying very hard. Thank you for your advice.

Yes I see your situation Bloodymidges - personally I always book a massage as my birthday treat in a nearby beauty salon it is so relaxing and great to have that extra special personal care. I might stretch to having an Indian Head massage too on my next one. Of course not everybody can afford to do this.

Let the crying and tears flood out as it is therapeutic. Time is a great healer and I am pleased you have two good friends. I split up with my ex years again so there are no tears left lol only feelings of frustration and annoyance as I still have to deal with him. Try and get to know some fellow single parents too now you are on your own. They understand things better.

Wishing you a happy birthday or at least a calm and peaceful one! Take good care of yourself.