50/50 residence

[lucyintheskywithdinos]

Hello!

I've been a lone parent since the start of November last year, but our circumstances are about to change and exH is going to be able to do 50:50 residence. It is perfect for me as our children are home educated, so this allows me to work part time (hurrah!) once I've finished college next July.

My work will be more flexible than his, so in practice, I'll have them a bit more than 50% of the time. I'm really just saying hello, and asking for other people's experiences of 50:50. He lives close by and the littlest is used to being with him overnight so I'm not worried about it really...slightly wondering what to do with all of the extra time though!

There's a world of difference between thinking that children's time needs to be split 50 50 in order to have a meaningful relationship (it doesn't) and thinking it's sufficient to see the other parent for 2 days out of 14.
That is true and it sounds like you've made an effort to provide your children with more than that and worked out a good balance I think "shared parenting" is really good for children (in the right circumstances), but I don't think it doesn't have to be 50/50 exactly to be achieved at all. The thing about "the alternative" was, I suppose, an illustration and reaction to all the doom and gloom I read by some and the extreme way 50/50 is painted which seldom seems to be "I'm sure it's great for some people, but doesn't suit our particular circumstances". We speak to our children about it pretty regularly and wouldn't force them to do it if they didn't want to. We're aware children change and their views and needs are liable to change as they get older so what we do now is not what we did when we started and probably won't be what we do in 5 years.

Sorry to hear about your brother. I'm not surprised that's influenced you if he still has such strong feelings about it. Why was it so terrible for him if you don't mind my asking?

Bringing this subject back up as I do 50:50 with my Ex.
I cant remember when but we eventually agreed on 2,2,3 around the beginning of this year.
Our DS is 4 and has just started Reception.
I live in our mortgaged flat which is on the road of the school and Ex moved back into his mums which is about 4-5 miles away.
It's only recently that it has started to worry me that he is being moved around every 2 days and I'm worried whether it is too much for him.
If I mention it to Ex, he has a fit and starts demanding equal share to his DS.
Do you think 2,2,3 is too much for a 4 year old ?
I don't want to stop him from seeing his Dad but I want what is best for DS.

Hi stressed some people find doing one week on and one week off, or splitting the week into 3 nights on and 3 nights off with an extra night (four nights) every fortnight much easier on the child. If your dc is ok with the set up that you have then great, but there are other ways of splitting 50/50 that you may find easier for your ds.

Well done for doing 50/50 as it does help the child to have good attachment with both sets of parents