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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Changing contact to every weekend?

16 replies

NunoBettencourt · 28/08/2014 15:27

Does anyone have their DC go every weekend to NRP? Or 2 out of 3 weekends?

How do you find that? Do you feel like you get all of the daily routine with none of the downtime? Or is actually ok?

I'm having to change contact times with my DC's father due to my eldest starting secondary. Atm it's EOW with 1 or 2 weekday nights. We live around an hour away from him and DC1 will have to get the school bus at 8am. Last school year on his weekday contacts we all just about managed to meet halfway at 8.15am and mostly got to school on time but it's not really going to be possible now.

So I'm looking at having them all through the week and them going more weekends to him. Tbh though I'm dreading it as I love our weekends together :( Also not sure how to plan for the weekend I probably would have them as it would mean a 2 week gap between the DC's seeing their Dad. They've never had contact like that before and with such a big gap so I'm worried about that aspect too.

Any advise or experiences to help me figure things out would be much appreciated. As would any other suggestions for how to work contact.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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starlight1234 · 28/08/2014 16:49

Could you do one long weekend one Friday to saturday one weekend with you as a rolling weekend rather than him having them every weekend.

I wouldn't be happy every weekend away from my DS. Also do bear in mind as they approach secondary school they will want to be less with either of you and more with their mates

BlackDaisies · 28/08/2014 17:08

Could he not have them during the week as usual, but without staying overnight. I wouldn't change the weekends from EOW. Like you say - that's the lovely down time.

Original poster

NunoBettencourt · 29/08/2014 14:28

Thanks for replying.

starlight I'm not sure I understand what you mean by the rolling weekend with me? Feeling dim today!

I am very conscious that with my eldest having just started secondary that having most weekends away from her friends will become an issue eventually. But they're used to seeing him so much and my younger one would take a couple of years to catch up to her sibling (school and friend wise I mean) so would find it all quite difficult.

I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place and all I want to do is stick my head in the sand!

BlackDaisies that would have been good but we're too far away to make that work. Plus he'd go on about the mileage to his car

OP posts:

titchy · 29/08/2014 14:49

Don't give up all your weekends just becuase he doens't want to put mileage on his car!

I think Starlight was suggesting Friday evening to Saturday evening one week, then Saturday evening till Sunday evening the other week.

Or the weekday isn't an overnight?

What do the dcs want?

starlight1234 · 29/08/2014 15:04

sorry i my not of been clear. I meant a 3 week plan

week 1 with him
week 2 fridaynight till sat with him
week 3 with you.

then back to week one.

or the other option is simply drp the week day night. I do think it is important to have time at home relaxing . Aso you spend less time with them to these days s they are off with mates.

sanityseeker75 · 29/08/2014 16:27

I am a SM and we have kids 3 WE out of 4 (it used to be EW but we thought this was unfair to kids and us adults). It was mom that wanted us to have EW and it genuinely doesn't bother her, if anything we have been in firing line if we have had to drop kids back earlier or pick up a bit later. I think it suits her because yes she does have most of the weekly hassle but then WE are her own to do as she pleases without the kids nagging her (they are 10 and 14).

I suppose you can see how it goes and then change if need be. Kids take it for granted that they are at ours(will often stay extra nights especially in hols and BH WE) but we all live in same town so maybe it bothers her less because they are close? Also they each have own phone so talk or text her and vice versa.

balia · 30/08/2014 20:34

We do one long weekend each plus 2 'half' weekends - one Fri-Sat one Sat-Sun. It's still half the weekends but the DC get to spend time with each parent 3 weekends out of 4, IYSWIM. Would that be possible for you? Don't give up all your weekends.

tiredandsadmum · 02/09/2014 01:32

Balia - do you live close to your DC dad? I am going to court in Nov (at DS dad instigation) to discuss child welfare arrangements. So I am quite interested in some of these alternative suggestions.

AlpacaMyBags · 02/09/2014 02:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

balia · 02/09/2014 17:16

About 20-25 minutes away, it definitely helps to be nearer. We do half holidays as well.

Original poster

NunoBettencourt · 02/09/2014 22:00

I'm still completely unsure what to do!

I think I'm feeling hugely guilty that I'm the one that made the decision to move (to be nearer family) and that up to now I've been able to keep the DC's contact with their Dad much the same as when we lived in the same area - albeit with a lot more driving.

They were averaging seeing him 6 nights a fortnight. If I gave up all weekends (which I'm not going to do as I value them too much) they'd still only see him 8 nights a month.

I've said he'll have to commit to a lot more time in the holidays and look at other ways to get more time with them but it still boils down to them seeing him about half of the time that they've been used to for the last 7 years.

I was wondering about him keeping his 2 full weekends that he has already, I keep one of mine and he gets Friday evening to Sunday morning on what would have been one of mine. Then I still have one day on that weekend to fully enjoy with the DC (assuming he does still 'help' with homework and facilitate them having a bath or shower and doesn't just leave all that for me to have instead of quality time!).

I do work nights every other weekend (his weekends) and have done since before we split so I'm having to factor that in too.

OP posts:

SolidGoldBrass · 05/09/2014 13:51

Is he reasonable, or is he a dick?

Original poster

NunoBettencourt · 06/09/2014 17:46

Not a dick generally. Thoughtless and unorganised but on the whole it's been an amicable-ish 7 years.

OP posts:

FunkyBoldRibena · 06/09/2014 17:58

Friday night to sat mid morning one weekend. Friday night to Sunday night the next.

starlight1234 · 06/09/2014 22:39

I would also ask him if he has had any thoughts about how you can sort out the time with children now. He may be happy with EOW and this may not be the issue you think it is?

BlackeyedSusan · 08/09/2014 23:29

ask him how he is going to get ds to school on time? see if he has thought about it. after all it will be his responsibility on his mornings.

don't give away your weekends until you have at least considered other options.

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