How have you dealt with contact after DA?

[Lullabullacoo]

I am hoping I can get some advice about how other mums have coped with giving access to an abusive ex? I left mine 5 months ago, he initially had our DS (age 6) from Fri after school to after tea on Sat every week but it was then changed to fortnightly on his request as it got in way of his work. He only wanted our DD (2yrs) for 2 hrs fortnightly. Recently I stopped the overnight contact as our DS started having night terrors and sleepwalking, he was sneaking into my bed every night as he was frightened. His behaviour was atrocious - screaming/shouting and hitting me. But he had real separation anxiety. This has all improved massively since I changed contact. Our DD started screaming horrendously when I last went to drop her off. She was then very unsettled for the next few days (very unlike her usual sunny self).. I got a lawyer's letter today demanding that his contact returns to overnight. He is holding up our separation agreement, my settlement and the delivery of my belongings ( I left the house with what I could carry and all our money was kept in his name). Help!

I have no expertise or anything, but I wonder if you're in touch with Women's Aid? They can help you, and have lots of experience and knowledge of you situation. If there is abuse, then obviously the children should not be with him unsupervised. You probably need an SHL (shit hot lawyer). They could probably help you find one too.

Good luck. I'm sure there'll be people with more practical advice andsuggestions along soon.

I have an SHL but unfortunately she is off sick :(
Thanks for the advice 're Women's Aid. I will call them in the AM.

I dealt with similar, though 10 years ago. My son was just 2, I had left with nothing. He even sat on ds toddler bed and refused to let me take it. Ds had night terrors, sleep walking, wetting the bed, everything - cafcass didn't want to know and the court system has continually said he poses no 'actual risk' to ds, I suppose in a way the contact order has ended up as protection as he can't do anything 'too' stupid. Anyhow, looking at your case,
The holding up of settlement etc won't have any bearing on contact regardless of how good the solicitor is (they are viewed as seperate 'strands' that run parallel)
Unfortunately, with domestic abuse, family court tend to look at a very wide picture and changes in childrens behaviour isn't seen as a reason to change contact, so you will need to ask your solicitor what the likely outcome of any court action would be. Its unlikely that they would change it to supervised, more likely they would slowly build up the hours so that one weekend in the month is an overnight.
Do contact Womens Aid for advice, they can help.
Make sure you keep a detailed diary of how your children are after contact
The reality is though that now they expect couples to attend some kind of mediation before a case goes to court and given the ages of your children then he is likely to be given the standard every other weekend Friday night - Sunday.
Hopefully your solicitor will be able to give you advice on your particular case soon.

Thank you for you reply. I hope things have become better for you. I had a feeling that would be the case. Very frustrating. He gave up seeing his DD from first marriage. I had hoped it would happen again.