Fed up with life in general

[equinox]

I feel like I should stay away from everybody unless they are a single parent so I can clear my head. I am so sick and tired of running it all on my own. I don't feel I have understanding and support enough in my life.

The single parents at the school have lots of help through their ex and invariably bucket loads of family support. I have neither of these.

My life just feels like a relentless treadmill.

My childminder made a rather tactless comment the other day and I have been feeling upset with her ever since. To be honest I was coping ok until she made this comment. She said why didn't I have my son at home with me whilst I worked. I wouldn't get a thing done it is hard enough on days off to get anything seen to! There is always a mountain of tasks outstanding.

An old schoolfriend was going to visit me in September but I have had to cancel it so I can mix with a new single parent group that has started. At least I can give vent to my spleen in it and people will get it!

I am living on a lonely island and that's all that can be said really.

Thank you all for listening.

I have to keep taking my son to the childminder the next 2 weeks even though I really don't want to at the moment. What she said is going round and round in my mind interminably - surely she should realise I need all the help I can get?

I have no family support and the ex got violent so this year is the first year after 9 years of raising him from 5 months that he hasn't seen our son. I have had no day off at the weekend or overnight break. Nothing.

Whilst my son is away at the childminder, the same with when he is at school and school club, I also have to catch up with other errands that I have absolutely no help with. For example the other morning I went to the refuse tip to take some old belongings. I still have the shed to tidy up which I have been wanting to crack on for ages and I need to tidy up my A to Z file. Once I get things like this done I feel more on top of my life. I would also have started doing a half hour gardening this week if I hadn't felt floored by that comment it has sent me downhill. I was paying my neighbour but I haven't the money as I have been feeling too bone tired to even work (I should explain I am self-employed and work at home).

It is easy for others in relationships to live complacent isn't it? She gets plenty of help from her partner who is there for her every step of the way with running and fixing their 3 cars and countless DIY in the home. He even did their house extension from scratch. She is also blessed with a full compliment of family. Their son is bought every gadget known to the human race he does not go without like mine does.

It strikes me some people have everything and others have exceedingly little.

It never used to feel this hard before I became a single parent.

When will the madness end?

I think there are times when it is extremely hard. I realised that it is very difficult for anyone else to appreciate how difficult my life is after I had a run in with DD's head teacher.
I finally in an e-mail spelt it out for him, I wrote 'there are only so many ways I can divide myself firstly I will protect my child, secondly I will work to keep a roof over our heads and finally I will support her school work'. This was all in the context of DD having revealed verbal abuse by her dad to school me stoping intact then working to organise supervised contact etc. In among this school were saying ' oh the kitten doesn't seem to want to push herself'.
I think it does no harm sometimes to reveal to some people just how hard it is.
Personally I would sit down with your childminder and explain to her that if your DS is at home you can not fully concentrate on your work, meaning that you could make mistakes and put your job at risk. If she still feels that she is no longer an appropriate setting for him you will look for an alternative.

Thank you for your comments Lonecat. Personally I find most head teachers and also most social workers on a bit of a power kick and they have in general learned worldly problems out of books and education settings and not lived in another's mocassins so to speak.

However I have been shelling out for plenty of childcare support from the childminder for 6 whole years and although she has been very reliable and pleasant she just is not a woman of the world when it comes to living on one's own. When she had her break up a new partner rolled up in 6 months.

If people have never worked on their inner peace and lead an independent life I feel like I am just talking to a brick wall. If all they have learned is endless cohabitation with partners then there isn't much point in going into things really.

I have reduced the hours for the next 2 weeks and will just not go to her in future if there is a problem. I had mentioned difficulties with my son's father and that I wasn't getting any help but it does not appear to have sunk in enough. This has left me feeling misunderstood and demoralised so I do not even feel like working now.

No doubt I will pull myself together about it soon - if it still festers then I will write her a letter it is a good idea but I don't really see the point. I had considered her a form of support for me too but clearly I was wrong.

I wouldn't dwell on it too much. Perhaps she was just trying to be helpful and suggesting you do so in order to save some money? I'm not sure how old your child is, I'm guessing 9 or 10? I also don't know what his personality is like or what kind of work you do so its hard to comment. I'm just thinking that it would be easy enough to clear out a space/take rubbish out/clear folders out etc with my children around. However, some people have children who like to be constantly entertained a lot so I can see it isn't always easy. Also, its nice to get a break sometimes for sure and you would get that from the childminder.

Anyway, forget about it if you can and assume that she was just trying to be helpful.

Yes greenegg I know I am dwelling on it too much but the summer holiday is dragging on and on.

I have borderline Asperger's and need lots of space. I need more time on my own than most people or I get severely stressed and then I can't sleep, feel like self-harming and so on.

I have told the childminder that I have this condition but it goes in one ear and out the other.

I am feeling particularly bad this summer as this is the first summer there has been no free childcare via the ex but naturally if he is going to start hitting our boy like he has been doing on 4 occasions over the previous 2 years that isn't going to work. My son is 9 and yes he does like a lot of entertaining. If I am so much as on the laptop he will often come and sit right next to me. Having said that he is a happy little soul and we have a very good dialogue.

I am not sure if she would be very receptive or sympathetic if I mentioned it to her again. Besides I don't like telling many people about all of this as it is deeply personal. She doesn't know about the self-harm thoughts she isn't in that line of work I can't imagine she would say anything sympathetic besides I don't want her discussing it with her partner and family.

I have found it pretty useless mentioning to people about the condition by and large. I only found out I had this a year ago. The only time I ever mentioned about self-harming is to my friend on facebook this morning. Prior to this I just used to call a couple of support lines. I find that Buddhist chanting generally does away with it again but it is good to talk in addition. I still haven't told any Buddhist about it which sometimes makes me question whether it is worth going to the meetings much.

I did tell the GP but I don't find them very helpful. I take a mild tablet. The self-harm thoughts are only when I don't spend enough time around people. I need a sympathetic ear when it is extra hard. However I rang MIND a good few months back in fact it might even have been a year ago now and they never returned the call.

Forgive any rambling!

only on your first post so far...

but how many people actually take their children into work with them? people generally don't take their children into work. just because you work from home does not mean you are not at work...

right back to post two...

Hello again everybody

It would seem I have lost perspective yes you are quite right greenegg she was only thinking of ways to save me money. She hasn't been able to take them out to the park more than about once this summer as various parents are picking up throughout the day and she is nonstop. I rang Family Lives about it and the lady said I should not burn my bridges as there are many childminders who don't even try to take them out. Over the 6 years she has taken the children out quite a lot. So it is just this year there is a glitch.

So I was feeling rather shortchanged this year whereas in fact I have probably had a pretty good deal over the years and shouldn't moan. When we are fed up with our life it is very hard to see light at the end of the tunnel isn't it!

I do not wish to discuss mental health issues with her however as I do not wish my problems to be discussed between her and her partner and children and I get the impression she does. This is because her son said the reason I don't have my son with me when I work is because I can't cope. Her son is only about 10 so I imagine he has been filled in on the situation too. I do not wish to be gossiped about like that.

This is also the reason I did not tell any of the Buddhists as they like to discuss problems amongst each other also and the confidentiality policy is rather weak.

Hence I have had to come on here and offload and even mention the self-harm thoughts coming and going which I had not planned.

Thank you for listening.