First off: I'm not a lone parent. I wasn't quite sure where to put this!
I'm looking for advice re my 8yo ds and his absent bio father.
When i was 16 i met a guy through a friend. We had a relationship for a few months and i ended up getting pregnant. We had broken up by that point, and although we got back together for a while when i was pregnant, i broke it off soon after. He said he would stand by us and help raise the baby.
To cut a long story short, when i had DS, he came round a few times for a few hours, took ds out for a walk or two, but generally was a bit hard to get hold of and unreliable (would cancel at the last minute and i was always the one organising him to come round).
He probably saw DS 8 times over the first 4 or so months. Then i didn't hear anything from him after that. I text him my new mobile number and then just left it. During that time, i also moved into my own flat and my dad sold our family home.
He paid maintenance on and off for about 3 years, usually only £5 a week out of his benefits. I got an email saying that the maintenance was crippling him and so i phoned the maintenance people and asked them not to peruse him any more. Tbh, i didn't want anything to do with him and we were fine on our own.
Now.
DS is 8. I've always thought he would grow up always knowing who his bio dad is and if he wanted contact, he could have it. The only problem is, DS has never really asked about his dad.
He calls my dp of 5 years his dad, but addresses him by his name. I have no idea wether he's aware of him not being his real dad. It's now become absolutely blindingly obvious that DP is not DS's dad as we have recently had a baby together and our DS's look nothing alike! We've had a few comments.
I don't want him to think that i have hidden anything from him, it's just that it's never come up. And i'm now worrying that it'll become a big issue when he inevitably does find out.
I can contact DS's bio father through fb, but i have no idea wether he's interested in contact. The other issue is that he lives in Thailand, and i have no idea how a long distance relationship would work.
How should i handle this? Do i wait until he asks? Or should i try and have some sort of control over the situation and tell DS now?
ANY advice would be very welcome!