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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Daughter's second birthday yesterday - no card from Daddy

13 replies

MeanBean · 05/04/2004 12:44

I'm so sad about this. His mother sent a card which arrived this morning, but no card from him.

He always sends a card to DS (who will be 5 next birthday), but seems to forget the existence of his DD. I suppose she is younger, and he wasn't around for any of her life - even the pregnancy - whereas he was around for the first 2 years of DS's life; this may account for his absent-mindedness. But I feel murderous. And weepy. Not a good combination. Any ideas?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Fio2 · 05/04/2004 12:46

sorry meanbean (()) what a prat. Do you think he just didnt know? not that I am excusing this and surely his mother would have told him

Fairyfly · 05/04/2004 12:50

Sorry meanbean, not very nice at all, i have no idea what goes on these peoples heads. I would be suicidal if i didn't have contact with my children. I'm sure though if she's not used to seeing him a card won't effect her. Probably more upsetting for you. It seems so unfair that we have children with people who treat children like this. If i'd wanted to do it alone i would have gone to a sperm bank. Anyway she has you and that all that matters just now, i hope you have a wonderful day and try not to let the selfish man ruin it. Easier said than done i know.

Tinker · 05/04/2004 12:57

MeanBean - it feels worse for you I'm sure. Your duaghter really won't notice yet. Plus, men often don't do cards - no excuse for his daughter but... However, she will notice in the future so you do need to point it out to him now. Hope it doesn't ruin your day too much

Original poster

MeanBean · 05/04/2004 14:45

Thanks. I wondered if I should ring him and nag. At the moment, I know it doesn't matter, but I'm scared he'll do this every year. (He forgot last year too.) What makes it worse, is that he remembers DS's birthday and sends him a card. If he forgot both, at least he'd be treating them equally. But then I think, his mother must have reminded him, surely? What can he be playing at? I just hope he doesn't carry on doing this as she gets older and starts noticing.

OP posts:

CountessDracula · 05/04/2004 14:50

MeanBean

Send him a dog poo in the post. That should ensure he doesn't forget in the future.

Abitskint · 05/04/2004 14:53

I'd make sure his mum knows that her son can't be bothered to send a card. Perhaps she'll at least have a go at him as well

bunny2 · 05/04/2004 19:44

How sad. Poor you. I'd be really upset too. Enlisting his mother to nag him sounds like a good idea. You could remind him each year, a couple of days before your dds birthday, that way at least she would get a card from him.

Tissy · 05/04/2004 19:58

Men can be like that I'm afraid, especially when they don't have much contact. My Dad usually forgets my birthday, even though I've had 40 of them, and for 15 of those he was living with us. A couple of years ago, my sister arranged a birthday party for her ds, who happens to have the same birthday as me. Dad was invited, as was I, and he turned up with present and card for sister's ds, but nothing for me. Didn't mind about not getting a present, but it did upset me that there was not even a "Happy Birthday" to me.He only twigged when I made some comment about having an extra drink because dh was going to drive me home as a birthday treat. Dad's wife suddenly left to run an errand, and returned with a present and card half an hour later.

Sorry, not much help, I know. Get him a diary for Christmas each year with the Birthdays highlighted??

eddm · 05/04/2004 20:16

What a pig

Lisa78 · 05/04/2004 20:28

I agree with Abitskint - mention it to his mother

Oh Tissy, thats rotten - I think I would have preferred no card and present, rather than an obvious afterthought like that

WSM · 05/04/2004 20:45

Oh MeanBean, what is it with these bloody useless absent birthday dads, eh ?

I agree with the advice about letting his mum know. He is far more likely to listen and react guiltily to an ear-bashing from his ma than from his ex.

What a shit . Also agree that it is likely to completely go over your DD's head but that doesn't mean you have less right/reason to be upset with him.

WSM xxx

nightowl · 05/04/2004 21:48

i know its no consolation or excuse but in my opinion they are useless at the best of times. My ds's dad only bought him decent presents when he was with a particularly nice gf who loved ds.(as if she didnt go and get them for him) I would mention it to his mom aswell. She'll hopefully have a word with him. he should be ashamed.

Original poster

MeanBean · 06/04/2004 09:03

Cheers all. Feeling better about it today, I think I'll just have to resign myself to having to phone him every year to remind him - one of those tiresome jobs I don't want to have to do in life (once again me taking responsibility for his relationship with his children) but maybe I'll have to as DD gets older.

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