My three year old has just said....

[Wetthemogwai]

'I think daddy doesn't visit because you're here'

Daddy doesn't visit. We moved 100 miles back to my home town when she was 18 months old and left him up there. He's visited once for her birthday party this year and more than likely he won't visit again. We visit our old town regularly to see family and friends and occasionally he makes the effort to see her. After the last disasterous day out he had with dd I decided to limit their contact to supervised access. He has taken this as an excuse to avoid contact all together and this last weekend when we visited made a concerted effort to avoid dd and I.

I've poured myself into trying to build their relationship and he's just not interested so I've given in. After 3 years of organising and begging my daughter thinks that it's my fault he doesn't come. She's too young to be told that no, he doesn't come because he's a unless, selfish shit who doesn't care about anyone but himself.

I don't know what to say to her. She's so young but thinks so much :(

Oh I'm so sorry, that must of hurt.

What did you say in reply?

I tell my little boy that daddy lives a long long way away and so it takes a long time to get to us, but that he visits as often as he can.....

It's kinda true, but it also puts the focus back on him rather than on you or your daughter being to blame.

I hope your ok x

Pretty much what you said, he lives a long way away and is very busy so it's better for us to go up because then we get to see all her friends too

:(

I've told my 3 year old that he doesn't see his daddy because daddy is being silly because we had a big row and he's moved house and I don't know where he is. Hopefully daddy will stop being silly and will see him but I don't know when.

Oh blue :( I don't know if the daddies will ever stop being silly!

There's only so much I can reassure her, she needs constant confirmation that daddy loves her. He messed up last time and she came home very upset and she told me tonight that she thought it was her fault :(

She's only 3 but she thinks about things and understands things that I think I manage to keep from her. She sorts it all out in her head and has a lot figured out at her level.

I didn't know what divorce was til I was 12, never mind all this at 3 :(

I know, Wetthemogwai, but I'm trying to explain it simply so he has an explanation without actually telling him his dad is a total arse has basically abandoned him.

I don't know how I can explain it while still protecting her from it.
I'm honest with her to a point and open about a lot of things but I can't just tell her that daddy doesn't come and visit because he doesn't want to.

I feel like I'm setting her up for a massive dissapointment that will inevitably be my fault :(