Help me!!

[Newmammy13]

My and my partner have split up. We have an 8 month old daughter I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm feeling completely lost. He was my only family as my family have passed away. I'm 22 and I don't have many friends. I wasn't going to go back to work as my aniexty is getting so bad that I can't be away from my daughter. I don't know how I'm going to survive, I don't know what I'm going to do. ð???

Aw, love. You poor thing. You are going to be Ok, though.

You have family!!!! You have a wonderful daughter!!! :)))

Any mum that can look after an 8 month old baby is strong enough to cope from here. You are going to be OK. It just might not seem it right now.

Be kind to yourself. Get plenty of rest - sleep when baby sleeps. Everything looks better when you're not too tired.

I don't know your specific circumstances but I reckon you will find a way through.

Please be kind to yourself, and take each day at a time.

Hugs x

bumping...

Anxiety can be a symptom of depression. Go to GP,if you need to. Ask at your local library or children's centre for mother and baby activities. Go to lots to make some friends. Ask your health visitor for advice.

So sorry you are in this position. You will come out the other side. Stay strong. Come on here often, you will get lots of support.

Thank you both very much. Your kind words have meant a lot.
I have spoken to my gp several times and they all say I have aniexty because of my past. Which I know it's true. All my fears stem from that but they don't really offer anything else.
I love my daughter more than anything. I petrified he's going to take her away From me. Not in a malicious way but I know he will want contact as much as he can and I don't think I'll cope with her being away from me so much. Another big fear is he will get another partner may not be soon but eventually and what if she tries to take my place? I'm just petrified

New mammy you sound just like me a few weeks back. I'm in your situation except a few weeks further down the line & I asked husband to go.

The things you say are almost my words.

The reality in my case is that yes husband will I'm sure want lots of contact but the reality is that he is quite selfish so is likely to want to do his own thing a lot in the long term...not sure if that is similar to yours...?

Also I think by reassuring your husband that you think it's v important he sees your dd lots it will stop him from panicking about not seeing her and therefore pushing for the type of contact that is not appropriate at 8 months - e.g. My dd is still breast feeding so no way I'd (or she'd) be happy with us being apart for more than a day at this stage.

It might be very difficult to do this, but I strongly suggest you do everything you can to keep relations good.

Most dads (like mums) want the best for their dc, and although sometimes the worry for me has been husband doesn't 'get' what our baby needs, this will come, so help him 'get' this ASAP for the happiness of your dd.

You will be ok! And just remember, whatever happens, you have a wonderful dd to whom you will always be mummy, no one will ever ever replace you!! You are her mum!!

Sleep lots. Can't stress this enough. I find myself feeling v low in the evening & much better In the morning. Sleep!

Take care x

New mammy, the other thing id do is be more insistent with GP if you don't feel you have the help you need with your anxiety. They are there to help you, you must make sure they do this.

Also, 8 month old baby was probably my most down time so far after birth - months of no sleep, friends / relatives think you're fine cos you should 'know what you're doing by now' (it felt like this anyway!) and don't forget hormones can play havoc too.

Don't mums net at 2.56am!! ;) sleep!!

Don't mums net at 2.56am!! ;) sleep!!

I hope your ok!! Sorry I can't sleep :( I just feel very daunted by it all. :( are you finding it easier now it's been a few weeks.
I'm also scared of the judgement I will get. how silly is that. :(
Just feel like I'm letting her down. With the aniexty I know why it's there. I'm petrified that no one will be able to look after her like I would or that she dies or i die. (I know they aren't normal thoughts, but have a lot of experience with death and when I've been very very young) so I know why the fears are there because it's all I've ever known. He gets very defensive when I say that she needs this etc, am I approaching it wrong maybe? I've explained that I will not be able to have her away from me in the night it's way to soon and it will be a while before that happens and he said ok. I've told him that he can see her whenever he wants I'm just scared when the time comes he meets someone, she's going to be such a young age. Is she going to get confused with who's her mum? I've always wanted a daughter to have that bond that I unfortunately never experienced. What if it isn't as strong because he gets a new partner. I'm getting really stressed that she's going to get taken away from me (as you can tell!!!) thank you for your help xx and yes definitely he will be doing things on his own worh her. I won't be apart of half her life anymore :( x

I would have a word with HV and ask GP to refer you on as the fact it is about your past does not help you any to resolve it.

It seems tough at first but really does get easier.

I agree with others get yourself out to groups as much as you can. it breaks up the day and also means you can meet people who are at the same stage of raising a child as yourself

Hello new mammy, yes things do get better I think. Honestly I can't tell you how similar your thoughts and fears are to what mine were a couple of months back. It's rather strange reading your posts actually!

I think perhaps you are realising yourself, but a lot of your worries are I think irrational. They are fears but they are not realistic.

They are also probably completely natural - nature has developed to make you not want your baby out of your sight!! And to be very protective of your baby. I think this may calm down as your baby gets bigger and can fend for herself more...all in good time though.

A dad would have to be pretty daft to attempt to take a baby from its mammy for any length of time at 8 months!! ;) he will soon admit defeat id imagine!

The other thing I found is that the more stressed I was, the more stressed I got and everything started to snowball - I got to the point where I was really panicking about my baby being taken from me by his dad etc...almost panic attacks. Horrible.

Then I said I needed some time away from husband and everything got better. I was more relaxed, My fears reduced, so I dealt with him better, and he responded better and things improved slightly. Things are still bad and we're still living apart but things are calmer and my very real but irrational fears have calmed slightly.

Please try not to worry about your ex getting a new woman. You and you alone are your dd's mum. You cAn never ever ever be replaced. This is biology and nature as much as anything else.

Love, I know you are feeling v worried right now but try your best to enjoy your wonderful dd & your life with her.

You are doing so well. Men don't fully appreciate the pressure of being a mum & the additional stress for you.

Book that appnt with your GP / hv tomorrow eh?

And stay strong, you're doing brilliantly.

I am now following my own advice and sleeeeeping!! ;)

I'm going to try to go to groups etc. Just very daunting to me :( definitely going back to the gp. Thank you.

I promise I haven't copied you in anyway!;) it's actually just a nice feeling that I have some company and you've felt the same as I have!not nice you are experiencing it though(I hope that makes sense and comes across as I want it too) yes I know these fears are irrational, but I can't get them out of my head. Ah gosh I really hope your ok? I suffer with panic attacks and I really hope your ok. Yes I'm going to book an appointment with my gp. Not my health visitor. (My daughter had an allergic reaction to a food, nothing serious they gave her antihistamine and she had a very bad reaction to that and swelled up rash etc within a few minutes! And I still haven't heard from my health visitor and I've left her several messages and she's not got back to me.. That was a month ago!!) but that is adding to my fears of her being out of my sight as I can't protect her. Thank you very much all of you for your kind words and support. You have no idea how much they mean.
Also I'm glad your sleeping nappy rat, I however can not sleep... Again.

Just to add.. I didn't give her antihistamine, the hospital did,(took her there for precaution, which my hv advised.) so she knew she was there, left messages to say she's allergic to antihistamine heard nothing from her, she also knew I have bad aniexty with my daughter and knew obv that would make me worse. And I told her in march about my aniexty and had no follow up with her about that. So I'm really not a happy with her!!! X

Hiya NM! Hope you're day was ok. V kind of you to worry about me but I'm a-ok. Have my moments but on the whole feeling like things are better now husband is out of the house. Thankyou x

Sounds like you need to go to gp if hv not really on the ball...but sounds like you're already planning that.

I can totally understand some of your concerns. When babies are so young it is, I think, completely nature's way that you have all these worries - nature must make sure you are v worried about your baby!! So that s/he is looked after & survives ultimately. And the good news is that nature is working just as it should for you (& I!) because our little ones' welfare makes us vvvv stressed!

I am a v overprotective mum but even I am starting to relax sliiiiightly when e.g. my little one cries etc. So I suppose in time you may also find yourself being a bit less stressed about being away from your little one for a short time etc. but the main thing is all these things are natural and you must try & go with how you're feeling and trust your gut.

And yes go to some baby groups and put yourself out there if you can bring yourself to...all the mums I've met are so keen to meet new friends so go for it.

You are doing so well! Your dd is so lucky, you obviously care about her so much!!! And really, I'm full of admiration for you dealing with this as you are. You are going to be so much stronger as a person after all of this, I can already see you making such progress over the last few days.

X

Hi NM - how are you doing? Just thinking I hadn't heard from you in a few days. Come & let us know you're doing OK if you have time? x