Kids don't want to go away with their dad-with good reason

[sunflowerfi]

At the beginning of this year my ex husband who had bipolar disorder was sectioned following a manic episode which had escalated from me acuusing him of roughly grabbing out 6 year old son after I found marks on him and was told by both him and my daughter that their dad had done it. He denied it but I involved social services, limited his access and consequently he relapsed into a bipolar episode.
Following his recovery from this episode and after speaking to his medical team I began to allow him contact again and it all seemed to be going ok. About 2 months ago he started on about wanting to take the kids away to Wales in a cottage-stupidly I agreed to it as he kept putting the pressure on and telling the kids to say they wanted to go away.
Now as its getting nearer and nearer the kids are getting really upset about going and saying they don't want to go. If it was because they would miss me I could kind of understand and would still encourage them to go...but they have not used that as a reason (they regularly go away with my parents to their caravan very happily) .

My daughter who is nearly 8 has said a few things that concern me like that he doesn't wake up in the morning until 10am-they are sensible kids to not go wandering or touching the cooker or anything but suppose one of them was ill or someone tried to break in? He's on strong medication too. She's also said that he is always telling her brother off for no reason.
Also him driving all that way (from NW England) concerns me as he is a reckless driver.
I really don't feel happy letting them go.... I know I should never of let him book and pay for it but he is a nightmare for putting the pressure on and I am rubbish at standing up to him.
How do I break it to him? Am I justified in not wanting them to go? I know he will take it out on them too and nag them to try and get me to change my mind xxx

Can you get another adult to go with them ?
A relative of his ?

Do his medical team know about this plan? Can you tell them - they may well not be happy for him to take on this level of responsibility without recourse to any assistance in an emergency.

I honestly don't know what to advise. As you know you shouldn't have let him book and pay for it but that side is done and there is nothing you can do about it.

Truthfully I think you need to be honest. Tell him they aren't going and tell him why. If he starts to "take it out" on the kids then I think you need to re-look at the contact arrangements, in fact given what you have said I think I would be doing that anyway. Maybe as a PP suggested if their is another adult that you trust that could attend you could tell him that would be ok - I would speak to the kids about that too though.

It's a tough one. In future I would suggest not agreeing to things like that in advance, at least not without speak to the kids and fully thinking it through.

I do understand how these things can get so far, experience with exp (had serious mh episodes) wanting to do such things...usually they have turned out to be pie in the sky tho.
he did take them on a caravan holiday but it was a group church related thing with lot s of other people going and I spoke to another adult who was going who promised to look out for them. they survived.

in your case tho if it will be only him and kids and quite far away I would be concerned.
are the kids trained to use mobiles?
do they know your number off by heart? would they be able to ask a stranger to call for them? do they know what strangers are ok to approach to ask for help?
do they know who to approach for help if they need to? (eg mother with children/shopkeeper/police etc)?

the driving is the most concerning obviously.

could he switch to a closer caravan within easy reach?

Thanks for your replies. He is French so he doesn't have any family or close friends near by who he could take. Infact I have agreed to him taking the kids to France to see his family in October as there will be others present.
If it were a caravan it would be slightly less worrying as there are other people around on caravan sites and things to do like kids clubs. However, its a cottage. Therefore potentially if its a wet week they could be stuck in there with him all week without seeing a sole.
They don't have mobile phones and are not really able to use them and aren't really streetwise kids who would know what to do in a emergency.

I have pretty much decided I am not letting him take them, its just the daunting prospect of breaking it to him I am dreading and the aftermath xx

I can understand that OP but FWIW I think that's the right decision

Would you consider going too? Of course I understand that may be a total non starter but could you both tolerate each other for a few days perhaps to ensure the kids have a nice holiday?

Could you go too? I understand why you might not, but if its possible...?

There is no way I could go- the man drives me completely insane in just a few minutes of his company. xx

Have you any idea when you're going to tell him sunflower?

I would consider doing it in writing, email maybe? And at the start of the longest period of time that he is not going to be with the children.

tell him when kids not with him.
and start gently role playing with your dd about what to do in emergencies, who to call etc how to use a phone.

how to call home from france ...