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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Missing my son's first birthday

18 replies

MrLockwood · 02/08/2014 06:05

Going to be missing my son's first birthday next week. Lots of pressure from STBXH and his family for my son to celebrate with them - few hundred miles away.

Plan originally was for his family to come here, but obviously since we're separating now not an option. I had assumed we'd just celebrate the day ourselves, but his family has other assumptions. Huge offensive from his family how they'd be missing out and hugely disappointed, and now the result is my son is going away for the weekend to stay with my husband's family - threat of financial sanctions otherwise.

So upset about this. SAHM, had a pretty miserable year where all of my time has been devoted to my son (can count on one hand the number of times I've been out with him in the last year) - and now I don't even get to spend his birthday with him.

Why are they all so massively entitled?? They've all had their children. This is my only, and likely to stay that way, child. I'll never get this day back. So annoyed at him and them.

OP posts:

Kakaka · 02/08/2014 06:17

OP, that is so sad for you. I'm sure someone with better advice will be along soon but it strikes me as horribly bullying behaviour which does not bode well.

Have you seen a solicitor yet? Do you have a record of the threats? Keep a copy of any text messages or emails. And if the threats are verbal, make notes at the time. If you do this in an email, then send it to yourself it is date 'stamped'.

SavoyCabbage · 02/08/2014 06:27

Are you getting legal advice? They can't bully you like this.

If this happened to me, I would pretend it wasn't his birthday on the day and have all of it on a different day. He won't know.

GloriousGloria · 02/08/2014 06:28

I'm sorry but nobody would stop me from having my only child on his first birthday no matter what they threaten.

You're his mum he should be with you and of course his father if he wants to travel to spend the day with him but it's nobody else's right.

Keep your child and tell them where to go.

You should not miss out on this day no matter what!!

DickCrack · 03/08/2014 00:19

Keep your child. In fact, book into a hotel, and have a few days away for his birthday. Turn your phone off and enjoy your day with him.
How dare they all bully you. Fucktards.

LadySybilLikesCake · 03/08/2014 00:21

Everyone's right, they can't bully you like this. Maintenance is not connected in any way to contact, and he still has to pay whether he see's your child or not. Tell them to fuck off, then fuck off some more!

whattodoforthebest2 · 03/08/2014 00:28

What ^^^ they all said. Stuff the lot of them - have a wonderful day with your baby. Let them make threats, if they win on this one, then it'll be Xmas etc etc. Put your foot down OP.

WeAllHaveWings · 03/08/2014 00:32

If you allow yourself to be bullied this time it will happen over and over again.

See a solicitor and see what you can do so they don't have this to threaten you with.

Call their bluff, if they love their ds/dgs enough to make this threat they hopefully won't wont follow through and see him go without.

Sorry you are in this horrible situation.

differentnameforthis · 03/08/2014 05:33

I'm sorry but nobody would stop me from having my only child on his first birthday no matter what they threaten.

While I agree that no one should be bullying op & threatening her with removal of finances, this little lad has 2 parents. Why is it OK for the father to miss his birthday, but not his mother?

Cookiepants · 03/08/2014 05:40

I presume the OP meant mother and father spend the day together just not the fathers extended family.

OP if you acquiesce to this request where will it stop? Christmas, Easter, future birthdays? Your son deserves to see BOTH his parents on his birthday. What about the visit going ahead the next weekend as a compromise?

LadySybilLikesCake · 03/08/2014 09:56

His father could go and see him, differentname. The OP hasn't been invited to do this, they want her child without her.

Go to the CSA about the maintenance. He can't use this as something to batter and bully you with. He has to pay whether he see's your child or not.

CleanLinesSharpEdges · 03/08/2014 09:59

If you let this happen then where will it stop?

Christmas, Easter, summer hols?

You need to say no and stick with your original plans. Maintenance is not 'buying time', it's a completely separate issue.

plinth · 03/08/2014 21:01

No fucking way should you be allowing this.

If dad wants to see him on his big day he can damn well visit him in his own home and the two of you can both see him.

The grandparents can fuck off, particularly if they think it's ok to threaten you and take your child away from his mother on his birthday.

Get tough. Once you start letting them take the piss, there'll be no end to it.

missmeldrew · 04/08/2014 10:24

threat of financial sanctions otherwise
No way! - They'd defo be getting told to sling it!

campingfilth · 04/08/2014 11:22

Did they carry him and give birth to him??? No then they can't take him on his first birthday. Tell them no and do not answer the door. Say they can have him the following weekend.

ThistleDoMeNicely · 06/08/2014 16:37

OP I am so angry on your behalf. I would honestly tell them 100% no way. If push came to shove and you really didn't feel strong enough to do this I'd lie my ass off the day they were due to collect him and say he's sick and make sure I was out most of the day just in case they showed up.

Summerbreezer · 07/08/2014 18:09

OP, how well does your little boy know them? He is very young to be away from his primary care giver. Please reconsider this.

Theincidental · 08/08/2014 11:25

Why can't you say you've made other plans and then they can see him another to celebrate his birthday?

They aren't contributing to his daily care or needs and they don't get to dictate your plans.

I'm sorry you are being steamrolled, but you really need to stand up to them. By all means make compromises and allow contact, but not at the expense of you and your sons happiness, especially not on a 1st birthday.

starlight1234 · 08/08/2014 22:29

How are you doing? has DS gone away this weekend?

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