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Still annoyed- ex is just shit and I need a bit of perspective

10 replies

Wetthemogwai · 24/07/2014 01:36

So exp took dd out today, she's 3 and sees her dad every 6-8 weeks. We moved 100 miles away from him back to my hometown after he proved himself to be a spineless shit.

He picked dd up today (on time for once, admittedly this may have got my hopes up too much too early), told me the plan for the afternoon and off they went. Dd quite happy and looking forward to her time with daddy. All is well.

Fast forward 5 hours- they get back, dd COVERED in some sticky purple goo and smelling a bit odd.
He explained that she'd had an accident and he couldn't get her to the toilet quick enough. Dd has been potty trained for months and accidents can be counted on one hand- none of these in public as she is mortified when it happens so is very concious of it and on point with warning me when she needs to go with time to spare. She would've been VERY clear that she needed to go.

Secondly, he's taken her to nandos for tea- she doesn't like 'spicy' food or chicken off the bone, nandos is exps favourite. He says she tried the chicken and spat it out, she says she just ate the mash.

The long and short of it is that she arrived back to me after 5 hours, wet, hungry, embarrassed and smelling of piss. And to top it off, when i stripped her off to bath her, she was covered in a rash from her accident where he never even bothered to clean her up!

He can't even look after his child for 5 fucking hours!!

Do I need to get a grip and just accept that it was a series of unfortunate events or do I say something?
They were in the city centre all afternoon, it's not like facilities are lacking!

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Wetthemogwai · 24/07/2014 01:39

I should be clear that be purple goo was melted ice lolly and he'd changed her into her spare shorts after the accident.

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cestlavielife · 24/07/2014 09:45

plain nandos is perfectly fine for kids who don't like spicy food. and the chicken strips for kids are off the bone. so if he got her the plain kids chicken strips she should have been fine.

if he didn't have access to a shower/bath then he wouldn't have been able to clean her up properly?

annoying yes if he didn't think to go somewhere buy wipes and clean her properly .
put it down to experience....

Wetthemogwai · 24/07/2014 17:07

He had wipes in her day bag and he didn't buy her her own meal, he shared his with her which wouldn't have been plain

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RedBushedT · 24/07/2014 22:31

If this was a one off, I'd give the benefit of the doubt. But it would infuriate me.
My ex is equally feckless with regard to basic childcare. If when it happens again, I'd have words over the need to clean her up properly after an accident otherwise she will get a rash again..
In a city centre there would be toilets where he could wipe her down, and shops for a cheap change of clothes if required.
Hopefully he will be better organised next time.

Wetthemogwai · 25/07/2014 00:20

Similar has happened before but this is the worst it's been for a long time. Apart from when she was around 18 months and was returned 'grumpy and cry-y' and it turned out he hadn't fed her at all during the full day he's had her (and we're talking 9am- 8pm!

I don't understand how such basic things can be forgotten to the point when they're actually dangerous. She had EVERYTHING she could've needed in that bag and he'd clearly gone in it to get clean shorts.

I was going to ask him to have her again tomorrow while dp and I have a day out alone but i really don't want to now.
It's not even the state she came home in that really bothers me, clothes can be washed and 3 year olds get messy. It's the fact that I know she'd have pestered for the toilet and she's have been absolutely mortified when she wet herself and I'd hate for her to have to feel like that again if I left her with him tomorrow and he did the same.

I didn't have a go at him yesterday because a)I'd not seen the extent of the damage and b) i didn't want to make a fuss of the accident infront of dd.
I don't want to do it over text as he tends to take it the wrong way so I'll have to find a quiet moment next time I see him .

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cestlavielife · 25/07/2014 11:52

whatever you say tho, he wont step up will he?

if he cant think of the basics now he wont ever. that is the reality. so option would be to have only short times out with him - tricky if you 100 miles away.

as she grows older and is able to speak up for herself he will have to learn to listen to her needs

Wetthemogwai · 26/07/2014 18:05

I thought he'd be ok with an afternoon!
Maybe I'll just have to narrow it down to an hour or 2 at a time

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GEM33 · 28/07/2014 22:33

Mine is the same. I can't trust my ex to change nappies regularly feed decent regular meals or keep dd clean. I feel your pain and frustration xxx
Nothing we say will change them.

Noregretsatall · 28/07/2014 22:43

He didn't feed her from 9 am to 8 pm?! Really?! That's negligence!

Wetthemogwai · 29/07/2014 10:50

It's SO frustrating! He doesn't think of the most basic things and you're right noregrets it is neglect! If you tell him that though he'll either turn it round on me, make out like I'm a drama queen or just cry.

I didn't see him again. He saw her Wednesday then didn't get so much as a text. He told his mum it was because I'd said I'd let him know. You'd think after 4 days of no reply he'd send a follow up text on the off chance I'd forgotten. Yanno during my week of running round like a blue arsed fly trying to see all of HIS family!

He was meant to come round yesterday morning to make dd breakfast and wave us off after lunch but he never showed. Luckily I didn't mention it to dd as daddy making her pancakes is her favourite thing and he's not done it this time.
He got a snotty text from me upon leaving in which I told him he'd let dd down and he won't be having her on his own until I can trust him again.

We're going back up in a few weeks for a relatives birthday which he will be attending. He can see her then and that's his lot for that visit.

I'm SO angry at him :(

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