New single parent, tell me how good it is!

[Ohbollocksandballs]

Spend my first night as a single parent last night. Found it pretty upsetting. DS slept better than ever though!

Tell me it gets better?

Negatives....er...the only time it really gets to me is when I'm ill or the kids are. Other than that, there's nothing to miss. I don't even miss sex.

Did someone say posh tea? I'm in! .

Post tea party lets do it. Bring cucumber sandwiches.

I kid, bring chocolate.

Noooo..if we're having tea it HAS to be cake, or scones with cream and jam.

Fuck it, both the cake and the scones, and the chocolate. In fact, bring the cucumber sandwiches....the cucumber will be good for our eyes and the kids can feed the ducks the bread.

I've been single parenting for nearly 3 months and I've started to find my groove back. Just been to the cinema on my own. 3rd trip as a single person and I love it. Choose something I want to watch and it's a highly liberating experience. This is after 12 years in a relationship and in my 40s. Looking forward to getting my own place with my little one after selling our home and choosing my own crockery, furnishings and my own choice of butter! I was very down about the breakdown of my marriage but you do look forward to a future of your choice

Ps a happier you means happier little ones. I've already noticed a difference in my little one as he no longer has to put up with an argumentive atmosphere in the home and parenting is more consistent with one main parent. It is tough but you have to show what a role model you are and in tough times you can get through this. That's such a strong inspiring message for your little one

Ps. When my ex moved out I thought missed him but I missed having another adult to talk to. And there are days when I don't talk to another adult but I can arrange for a friend to come round/speak on the phone or do other suggestions on this post. Hope all this helps you.

There are definitely advantages to being a single parent - not having to put up with somebody else's annoying habits for one - or somebody else interfering in your childraising skills. It is also bliss to make our own decisions.

I have been single parenting for 9 years this August and have become so much stronger as a person it is incredible.

The only snag is I can't just go out for the evening as I have no family support although I have recently acquired a babysitter again, so I will be going out again a little bit evenings wise here and there subject to funds.

My main gripe is the lack of spare money and the lack of foreign holidays - I haven't had a holiday for so long plus I drive a pretty crap car. However to be free of the strain of a negative relationship is pretty advantageous in my book!

I just can't understand why people think we can't cope without a relationship and are only getting by and would rather be wived up like everybody else. It simply isn't true!

I can only imagine living part-time with a bloke some way down the line when my boy is older and as he is only 9 I can't imagine that until earliest he is in his teens. Assuming I have found someone I can put up with by then that is! I have got increasingly fussier the more I have worked on my self-worth the more I won't put up with bull.

I have to say I am extremely fortunate in that my neighbour two streets away is good enough to do my DIY for me on a purely platonic basis - such a handy friend - and I pay him to do any gardening as although the garden is rather small I simply detest working in it! So that helps curb any fantasy of having a bloke of my own in order to help me around the home.

HTH.

It gets better. So much better. At the moment you're only remembering the nice bits of your old relationship. Very soon, you'll start remembering the bad bits and will feel nothing but relief. Well, relief and anger, sadness and some regrets! But mainly relief.

I mourned the loss of my "role" as a wife-and-mother more than anything else. I had a learn to see myself differently.

Anyway, positive stuff that helps you move forwards:

1. Clear out ex's stuff. All of it. Even crap in the shed, garage, loft. Get it gone. REALLY liberating.

1. Redecorate a room, or a wall, or just rearrange furniture. Make it YOUR home.

1. Buy YOUR preferred brands of all foods and drinks (like the tea). Chuck out or hide, or decant, any of ex's preferred stuff. Make the cupboards look like he's no longer living there.

1. Hide/chuck/store any photos of mementos of the ex. Don't be forced to look at him every day.

1. Invite friends with kids over for the day, for tea, for an afternoon. REALLY helps. Banish the loneliness and the silence.

1. Fill the house with your favourite music.

1. Find one thing to do every day with your DS. One fun thing. Even simple.

1. Start a reinvention of yourself when you feel ready. I invited my cousin to live with me and went on a crazy diet/exercise regime and lost 3.5 stone! It was like I made the outside match the new improved inside. It doesn't have to be a reinvention of your appearance - you could start a college course, look for a new job or just start a book group from your house.

1. Get friendly with your neighbours. They're invaluable for 5-minute babysitting when you need to run out to get milk.

10. Move on with any legal stuff - start divorce proceedings, see a solicitor about the house, contact CSA etc. Get the formal bit done. Do it NOW - exes get less helpful as time passes.

I'm living in a different place now. Bit I honestly look back on those first 4 years in my old house, as a single mum, as one of the happiest periods of my life. Women-and-child households make sense, they're easy.

Five years next month for me. The dc are growing up and I recently had a fantastic holiday with friends abroad.

Would have seemed impossible two or three years ago; but that is the beauty of being on sole control of your finances. YOU get to prioritise spending/saving

I became a single parent after 17 years with XH in my early forties

Like someone earlier said it took some time to readjust to a new future and to get over the heart break of my marriage ending and the way it ended.

Once that phase ended though the only way has been up.

I am at the four and a half year mark with two teens of 15 and 17 and during these single years there have been times where I've resented having to deal with the teen challenges by myself . Just a simple cliche of having a man to tell 6ft 5 17 year old DS not to speak to his mother like that !

For me being married and being a single parent are separate issues though. I wish I wasn't a single parent so that my DC didn't have to ferry around on the weekends, so that Christmas Day was just a lovely uncomplicated family day for them etc etc. I wish they just saw their Dad on the landing in his dressing gown in the morning rather than the vaguely false every other weekend thing.

However our marriage broke down , XH left and so none of the above can be helped and I know we are fortunate in that we were both very even handed about everything and have a solid fair post divorce set up.

As to being a single woman rather than parent life is so immeasurably nicer in almost every way . I too rediscovered myself and no longer spent my life viewing myself through the prism of how XH saw me. He thought I would fall apart emotionally but actually I have just got stronger and stronger. I have built on what were already sound friendships and made some new friends and have an amazing social network which in terms of spending time with these people is far more pleasurable than any time I used to spend with him

The personal freedom to just decide minute by minute what I am going to do/eat/say/wear/watch on TV etc is something even all this time later I savour. That's not to say my ex was controlling he wasn't at all but when you have a partner you do have to take them into consideration and I don't want to have to do that. Selfish ? Maybe but there you go. I know this part of being single is possible due to the age of my DC and those with young DC are reliant on access time or other means to have a break.

So many other things I love too like not sharing a bed, having reed diffusers that "stink" , driving without a running commentary on the short comings of every other road user, eating lentils I really could go on for ages !

Anyway this has turned out to be rather long but for me yes for it's good,damn good being a single parent !