Is it just me that feels this way?!

[equinox]

I have been single since my son was 5 months raising him entirely alone and he is now 9. I was married 3 times before I had him and I had my boy at the age of 41 so I was somewhat 'seasoned' shall we say!

I have naturally had to grow into an extra strong person to shoulder the task of single parenting and on top of that have had no real family support as my parents are deceased and there are no siblings of mine.

Although the ex has always seen our son I can honestly say that the few men I have agreed to date and get to know it has turned out that they just haven't 'hit the spot'. I am now no longer expecting a 'knight in shining armour' to mend or rescue me that is just naive.

People cannot fix you we can only fix ourselves and for that we need strong coping skills and a good friendship circle.

I really do not see many benefits of moving in with another man - my son's father was the 4th live in relationship to start with....!

I enjoy my space once my son has gone to bed and relish my me time the precious bit I do have beyond work and mundane tasks. I need that valuable small bit of spare time for hobbies and 'me' not somebody else. I find men detract from me they do not enhance.

Is it we just get fussier as we get older? I really don't envy women stuck with partners they live with. The only thing I envy is the cash and the holidays!!

Ideally I would like a part-time boyfriend but it does not have to be at the moment perhaps when my boy is in secondary school and less immature.

I currently don't have any access by the ex either as he got violent so it was stopped so only supervised access is allowed at present. I really don't have much me time as it is.

I find older men act a bit bossy or potentially talk down to us if they are dating us - they never seem to understand why money is tight - they feel I need unsolicited advice when I understand money extremely well and always have. It is as if they feel they are doing me a favour by spending time with me does anybody else feel this way?

I just don't see how they can enhance my life at this stage. It is better to enjoy men as friends instead and I do have a few of those.

There is also a certain societal norm or expectation that we get hooked up and coupled up to fit in in the world out there so I sense a little pressure but I just do not wish to give in to it as things stand owing to the sorry lack of talent. It may be my age group too i.e. men are less stubborn and set in their ways if they are younger.

Very interested in any personal experiences or opinions ladies!

Not many white chargers about eh.

Having a bit of a more wistful day today dreaming a nice man would be nice after all - shame on me!

Hopefully will come to my senses by the morning.

Must be the Bacardi (only a small one!) that I had tonight innit.

I feel the same.

Have been a single parent since the moment I found out I was pregnant. H did a runner, few days later I found out I was expecting.

I'm going through a really shitty, long, stressful divorce at the moment - and there are still some huge question marks over my life (like my home, sadly).

But day to day I'm very appreciative of the freedom and independence I have. My DS is in bed, I can quietly catch up with chores, spend some time with the cats, water my garden, get stuff ready for the next day, read, relax, surf the web. I usually get 'ready' for bed once he's in bed, then the evening is mine. I think it may be a sign of how crap my marriage was, but I've become so much more content being on my own. I like being at home, I like my own company. I don't feel lonely, which sometimes worries me.

I've tried online dating, but very half heartedly. I too would like a part time boyfriend, someone who appeared once a month, took me for a nice day out, followed by a lovely meal, and then may be a cuddle (hem hem). Then he can bugger off until the next month!!

I think I made so many shitty compromises in my marriage, was forever trying to please my emotionally abusive ex, that the peace and calm I feel (I know, ironic that with an 18 month old todder!) around my home is really special.

I do worry once DS gets older that he will need more people in his life. I too have a very small family (just my parents nearby, who are very influential in his life). I'd like to think one day I'll meet someone, but it's definitely not a priority.

Nice thread. Alone with dd for the last five years. I'm not immune to the dream of having a soulmate - I do get wistful sometimes. But I find I'm wistful about the idealised relationships I encounter in fiction rather than any of the real-life relationships I see around me.

I can totally relate to the OP! I've been on my own now nearly 5 years, have dated on and off but found it a huge hassle. A lot of blokes around my age (40 ish) are either taken, damaged, or irresponsible - they've probably left their distraught wives with the kids and enjoyed a bit of freedom as a single man again and seem to forget what it's like to have responsibilities and that single parents can't just be spontaneous! Plus many of them on these dating sites seem to have a fixed idea in their head that they want some sort of superskinny, supermum entrepeneur types who are great in bed and won't compain after a day about doing everything whilst waiting on them and provide sex on demand!! No thanks!! I feel like taking on a new relationship would be like taking on another child to be honest. Or maybe I just seem to attract tossers!! It does sadden me a little to think i'll end up on my own, but like many have said, my patience and energy is used up in parenting a demanding son and juggling work and childcare. By the time he goes to bed i'm knackered and just want to put my feet up!! It is sad though that it's come to this, I never thought i'd end up as a single parent..

Another longterm happy single here. I have a perfectly amicable relationship with my DS' father, who was an old drinking buddy rather than a romantic partner when I got PG anyway. I have never been very keen on couplehood, always managed to avoid having to move in with a partner back when I was actually dating. These days I can't really be bothered to go out on the pull in the first place, though I'm aware that if I start fancying some NSA sex I can take myself off to a swingers' club and get it.

I must admit I do like the sound of going to a swingers club some time! Dare I ask have you actually been to one SolidGold? I visited a swingers social one time it was most eye opening. There was no actual action as it was merely a social night but the people were very friendly. Most were couples.