Some advice please about being a single mum

[chowebella]

I'm a single mum to a gorgeous 7 month old baby boy. I've been on my own since day one of my pregnancy. I love my son more than life itself and he really has changed my life.
I have found though despite having my son I am getting more and more lonely and find myself obsessing about everything!! I can rarely sit relax if I'm not doing the obvious cleaning/cooking/washing and taking care of my son In looking on websites to see if my son is developing as he should be. I know he is, everyone comments on how pleasent and forward he is.
My friends no longer bother since I've had my son, my family live away so I'm basically all alone.
What do you do in your down time/when baby is asleep?? This is when i feel most lonely and i tend to become really obsessive about the cleaning ect and stress that the house isn't perfect.
I'm also afraid my son is picking up on my stress.
I guess I'm just asking is this normal? Does it get easier?

Hi. My dcs are older so I don't have experience directly, how about joining some mums and tots groups? is there a sure start near you as they so lots of things?

I try and read and decorate a bit. Give yourself some time at least once a week to do something not house related. Could you take up a new hobby or an evening class if you can get a babysitter? Or day time course if there is a crèche?

I come on mnet too to get support.

Try and build some rl support where you can. And don't be too hard on yourself it sounds like you are doing a great job

Definitely try to get some 'mummy friends', throughout toddler groups or something? I did nct when pregnant (wasn't a single mum at that point) and 5 years later those mums to be I met are my best friends and have looked after me through out my marriage break up and divorce. I still see some of them at least once a week and can text at any time of day or night. Good luck! X

I found that going back to work really helped me feel more 'normal'. I enjoy my own company, and make a huge effort to do lots every weekend. The hours I get with DS dyring the week are limited niw, so I make a big effort to make them fun, and to be as quick as possible with chores

Have you tried asking friends to come round for a drink or dinner after DS is in bed? Some of my friends were not sure how to deal with my change in situation, but now we do things again, just different things

Working helped me too. And a routine. Always go to the baby group you like every Wednesday morning for example.

Get out of the house by ten every day just to be up and about. I made new friends and just ploughed into it.

I'm still crap at evenings (3 years on) and have put on loads of weight because of it.

I've now got an exercise routine for the evenings too to stop me just reaching for the chocolate.

Congratulations in your baby!

Thanks for your replies ladies :).
I don't have anyone to babysit and would not really feel comfortable hiring one (I have huge seperation anxiety issues).
I think I will look into mum and baby groups I've been too shy up to now il just have to get over it and I'm also going to find myself a new hobby.
I really have lost touch with old friends, they wernt around when i needed them the most and therefore I stopped bothering really.
I do really appriciate all your comments and definitely given me something to think about :)

OP, don't feel like you must go out alone. I have a very similar situation to you and have only left my Ds with his GPs a handful of times over three years and only once before he was one year old.

Ditto with the pre baby friends. They just drifted away and looking back now; it really isn't the worst thing at all, mainly because I have new friends now who are very involved in mine AND my DS's lives because they have children a similar age.

Do go find them though. It really makes a difference as they will know exactly what it feels like at all the different stages of being a new mum, whether they have a partner or not.

I don't have any other single parent friends yet, but this forum is good for that. RL connections help with everything else.

If you do anything tomorrow to change, then get up and go to the park or a baby group and go say hello to some people.

op can you go back to work? Even for a day?

I went back because my whole being was being dd2 'mummy'. I was obsessed with her. She goes to a child minder fir one day a week and I cried my eyes out because I felt selfish.

But it was the best thing I did. I feel like softly and dd2 mummy.

I do take my son out everyday, we very rarely stay in the house, I just take him for long walks and to the park.

I've put on weight too where if I'm not obsessing about something or cleaning in the evenings, i eat :(. Must start diet and will defo start an excersise routine in the evenings, i hadn't thought of that. Keep me busy and get fit :).

Going back to work isn't an option atm, i gave up work during my pregnancy, very silly decision but due to not being able to walk through my pregnancy and my sheer terror that something was always wrong I spent a lot of time back.and fore the hospital. I am a terrible worrier. I am going to look at part time work and a daycare place, just not quitr yet I feel he's too young to leave just yet....

You can help with worrying anxiety.
Ask gp about a course of cbt type therapy.
Or go to local children's centre and do a course any course they often provide crèche

You can get help I mean sorry

Don't take this the wrong way, but depending ob where you are, it may take a long long time to find both part-time work and daycare. Try and take it in baby steps. Maybe your first evening project could be to update your CV.

Take him to baby groups to meet other single mums :) and a doctor can help with the anxiety, it's normal to a certain degree when becoming a mum but if you feel it is effecting you, it's better to seek medical help. I have been a single mum since day one too! Have loved every second of it :) (except the teething, cleaning, loneliness,... Haha only joking) xxx

Reading, TV series, a few exercises, learn something and do the homework the evenings...

Reading, TV series, a few exercises, learn something and do the homework the evenings...