DS's new mummy

[Solasum]

DS spent his first afternoon with ex and new gf today. She is obviously really nice. I was polite and I hope nice as well. She thanked me for letting her spend time with him. But DS is only 6months old. This is not how I imagined things would be. And tonight I am feeling so sad that my hope of a "normal" family is now totally over. And I am crying on DS.

:( it's so hard when a new partner is introduced. I utterly hated it when my ex introduced his new girlfriend, I was a wreck.

The new girlfriend is not and will never be your DS's new mummy. You are the only mummy he will ever have.

awww, solasum, that must hurt.

She won't ever be his mummy, new or otherwise; only you can be that. And he will know the difference....

xx

Oh you poor thing for you.

Have you thought about getting a new partner yourself? Are you ready?

Oops posted too soon

You will always be his only mum. A mum can never be replaced.

Awww you poor thing. It hurts doesn't it?

BUT she us not his new mummy. He has a mummy. You. Nothing and nobody can or will change that. And if she's as nice as she seems, she will know that too.

Dry your eyes. It won't be what you envisaged, but that doesn't mean it'll be bad / worse.

McBear I am feeling quite a long way off that point yet. (Though these days I can't imagine finding anyone I could love even half as much as DS, though it is different I know).

Thank you for listening. I try not to wobble very often

It does take a long time. Go at your own pace and a wobble is very understandable every now and then.

I understand this so so well. But she will NEVER be his mummy. Not now not never.

Children of lone parents are (on the whole) fiercely loyal to their mummies. The pretenders are a poor substitute. If you are in any doubt pop over to the step-parents board!

your Ds will only have a new mummy if you give him up for adoption.
otherwise you will always legally and otherwise be his only mummy.

he might at some point have a step-mummy but that is a different relationship - you should hope that any future partner of your ex will also love your son just as any future partner of yours. of course it is hard but hopefully it all went fine.

Solasum - don't worry, step-parents have a different relationship to a blood parent and child. There is no threat to the love your son will have for you xx

MissWimpy - I'm hoping I have read you wrong in that you haven't told the OP that step-parents are 'pretenders' and to go over the the SP forum to confirm how poor a substitute they can be? Apologies if you didn't mean this in a rude way.

As a mothers know the bond you have is a very special one. You sound lovely and gracious. As a step mum I know that she will just be looking to have a nice relationship and us "pretenders" never look to take on the role as mum.

Miss wimpy i am totally shocked at your comment,

I think MissWimpy meant that stepmum is a very different relationship, and it is only stepmums who 'pretend' to be mum (wwho DC usually already have) who hit problems?

Should read 'as a mother myself'

I think you have taken offence when none is meant. I actually meant "pretenders" as in "pretenders to the throne" but I realise that wasn't clear at all.

My DD has had two stepmums. The first tried to be mummy. The second (who is a mum herself) hasn't and DD likes her a lot.

We are all trying to make the best of a difficult situation and if you read my other thread you will see why I am touchy at the moment.

No worries MissWimpy I see what you mean.
I'm a bit touchy myself after being told recently how little I mean to my SD. I was told I have to leave my house EOW so as not to spend any time with her. I've been a SM for 6 years and have done my best not to tread on toes but I've realised the problem is purely that I exist.